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Domestic Violence

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More like 'Domestic Justice' yeah? Domestic violence is when a bloke puts his woman in her place. The kitchen.

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You can do what the sign says...or do what's RIGHT!

Contents

History

It's always warranted whenever a female speaks, refuses to take orders, leaves the kitchen, or looks at another guy. It's funny as hell too, as sung about by Anal Cunt, in their hit "Domestic Violence Is Really Really Really Funny." Stick it on, then have your friends get Pringles and beer, and they can watch you 'learn her good'.

Recent studies now suggest that between 80-90% of bitches did actually have it coming, with an additional 10-20% pretty much asking for it. This comes as a shock to everyone but longtime surprise sex-advocate Mike Tyson who has apparently known this for years.

Liberation

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Every Superman knows how to treat a woman.

After a few thousand years of being beaten and terrorised, as well as being forced to listen to retarded jokes about it, women were liberated. Once freed, they realized that even though they didn't have penises, they too could kick the shit out of arrseholes who were asking for it.

Women were now faced with an important choice: lead humans to a new era of enlightened communication between genders, or be as stupid and violent as men. They chose to go with stupidity and violence. Anyway, women screwed up everything since man created rap, so women are still beaten. (SmAcK dAt bItCh yO)

Domestic Violence in the News

"The jury is weighing whether that revelation could have thrown O'Toole into a fit of rage so outrageous that she drugged Slaby, waited until he fell asleep, then glued his penis to his stomach, his testicles to his leg and his buttocks together. O'Toole said it was part of a sex game -- so was the nail polish, which she said she used to paint sideburns on him in honor of Elvis."

"At some point, he agreed to have sex — and allowed his soon-to-be-ex to tie his arms to a windowsill. The 35-year-old woman severed his penis with a kitchen knife, cops said. [...] Unlike Lorena Bobbitt, who merely flung John's penis out her car window in Virginia 11 years ago, Kim flushed her boyfriend's organ down the toilet.

Jokes

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Women: nature's punching bags.

Q. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Nothing, she's been told twice already.

Q. What do women and dogs have in common?
A. They are docile, constantly bitch at you for attention, mess things up, And have sloppier habits than a Mong in a care home.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. What's she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

Q. Why do women keep their holes so close together?
A. So you can carry them around like a six-pack.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer?
A. None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
A. Made her chain too long.

Q. How many battered women does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "Cook it in the dark, bitch!"

Q. What do all women whose husbands beat them have in common?
A. They just don't listen.

Q. What's green and on the front porch?
A. My bitch, and I'll paint her any color I want.

Q. What do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A. A woman.

Q. Why did cavemen pull their women around by their hair?
A. Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud..

Q. Why do women have periods?
A. Because they deserve them.

Q. Why don't women need watches?
A. There’s a clock on the stove.

Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Because the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator.

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More colours available.

Q. What does a woman put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A. Her ankles.

Q. How are women like bowling balls?
A. You finger them and throw 'em in the gutter, and they keep coming back for more.

Q. Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
A. Becouse they are ugly and they stink.

Q. What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
A. Einstein's cock.

Q. Why don't women go skiing?
A. There's no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Q. How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?
A. Hand the bitch a shovel.