The British Military Open Encyclopedia - ARRSE-Pedia. Back to British Army Rumour Service Home

From ARRSEpedia

A few wise things that Confucius might have said in the modern world:

• Confucius say man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger
• Confucius say man who have hole in pocket feel cocky all day
• Confucius say man who stand in front of car get tired, man who stand behind car get exhausted
• Confucius say man who cross river twice without washing is dirty double crosser.
• Confucius say if two men are in A and B conversation the other man must C himself out.
• Confucius say teach a man to light a fire and he'll be warm forever but throw him into the fire he will never complain again about being cold.
• Confucius say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• Confucius say man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
• Confucius say man who shoot off mouth is bound to lose face.
• Confucius say man who drop watch in toilet is bound to have sh***y time.
• Confucius say Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!
• Confucius say He who eats ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver
• Confucius say Man who put foot in mouth get athlete's tongue.
• Confucius say Man with one chopstick go hungry.
• Confucius say Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!
• Confucius say problems few that cannot be solved with orders ending in '... or I shoot!'
• Confucius say a balanced diet is a cake in each hand
• Confucius say He who sniffs Coke, drowns.
• Confucius say Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy.
• Confucius say Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker.
• Confucius say Man who who put cock on stove have hot rod.
• Confucius say Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.
• Confucius say Passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
• Confucius say Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
• Confucius say Virginity like balloon, one prick, all gone.
• Confucius of Borg say Assimilate others who you would want to assimilate you.
• Confucius say Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter.