Cocaine

Cocaine

A game for all the family

Cocaine (also called Food of the gods, or coke in its carbonated, caramel-flavoured form) is a popular drug from the 1980s. Usually powdered, for easy carriage in bags or devouring on doughnuts.

Cocaine is perfect for you and your mum as you both have incredible skill at ingesting white substances. It is usually "snorted" through a tube-like instrument, such as a rolled up tenner, or if you are really rich you may wish to snort it up through a £50 note which really fucks you up. You have to burn the bill afterwards to make an impression. However, note that most people who are snorting the crack form have never seen a £50 note in their lives.

This drug can have seriously harmful effects, including brain damage, addiction, erosion of the nose, and the need to listen to Daft Punk. For more information about cocaine, please contact George W. Bush.

All cocaine in the world comes from Colombia. If you go to Colombia you will find that the natives live on a big mountain of cocaine, and every resident is an expert in its manufacture. This justifies dropping massive amounts of pesticide on the country from planes, which increases the price of cocaine and thus the profits of the suppliers, which helps win the war on drugs. If you disagree you hate America and the Free World.

A useful side effect of this drug - aka Twat Powder - is its ability to affect the sinuses. During WWII the Danish Resistance used to sprinkle it on the ground as an incredibly effective way of making sure the Gestapo’s Mr Woofy lost all ability to sniff out assorted Jewish people on their way to Sweden. Obviously this would give you a rather expensive but very big advantage over the pursuing unit in your E&E exercise too. I suspect however, this would get short shrift from the RMP Special Investigation Branch should you be caught in possession of it stuffed up your arse prior to your fortnight of being grilled by the Int Corps. Some people just don't like creative thinkers.

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