Capita

Capita is a FTSE 100 company with interests in a multitude of markets including health, pensions and local government, i.e. a finger in every pie.

In recent years 'Crapita', as it is now more widely known, has proven to be a world leader in the emerging business sector of 'PFI fuckwittery' where profits are maximised by delivering taxpayer-funded projects late, unfit for purpose and twice as expensive as planned.

Crapita guarantee full operating capacity on all their projects for three weeks, after which they are programmed to self-destruct.

For examples of Crapita's unerring ability to fuck things up see the following:

• The CRB vetting system.
• Schools Information Management software.
• Independent Learning Accounts scheme.
• The automated on-line TV Licence (it's actually faster via snail mail!).

Currently in the business of acquiring back office functions from hard pressed companies, being paid for administering those functions but sneaking the jobs out this countries back door and off to Mumbai. This process is complicated by restrictions on documents (passports etc) not being able to leave the country and Mumbai staff being unable to mail things to customers. this necessitates staff in the UK to scan and mail documents while foreigners run off with your credit card details. Oh how the Crapita UK staff laughed when Mumbai blew up in a terrorist attack and many Crapita execs wet themselves.