Britney Spears

Britney now

Blonde spam songstress who gained notoriety for dancing about in a schoolgirl's uniform, thus enraging a vast swathe of the American mid west.

Once fit and (very) do-able, Britney is now an 18 stone, bald, chain-smoking munter who apparently doesn't have all her marbles anymore.

Currently so out of control (she was sectioned) that her failed rapper, playboy, drug taking, spam-chav husband got custody of the kids! Now that's pretty bad even in California.

Not to be confused with Brittany Spears, the lesser known French javelin manufacturers in St. Malo.