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BoJo

Foppish, blond-haired Old Etonian writer, via Oxbridge and therefore brave warlock winner (against the odds) of the bitter fight up through the hellish barricades of British society, Conservative politician (no...didn't see that one coming...) and broadcaster - and possibly the only male politician in the UK today that's allegedly popular. Derided by his opponents as being a bumbling buffoon who has never so much as run a send-out for chips, Boris and dad's media empire tell us he's shrewd, astute and erudite - just the very man for those whose lust for blonds has no limit. He scores highly on the Have I Got News For You guest presenter scale. Given the standard, this is hardly qualification for anything beyond taking over Fern Britton's diet tips.

Often correctly quoted when putting his foot in it, Boris merely speaks out of his guilded, self-obsessed, moneyed, fuck-you-peasant and fuck-your-missus-too little surburban Toffs' Club mind - a rare trait in today's political climate. He famously upset the denizens of Liverpool when he (correctly) 'claimed that the inhabitants of Ken Bigley's home city of Liverpool were wallowing in a "vicarious victimhood"; that many Scousers had a "deeply unattractive psyche"; and that they refused to accept responsibility for "drunken fans at the back of the crowd who mindlessly tried to fight their way into the ground" during the Hillsborough disaster. However, the Scousers eventually forgot about him when the next giros arrived and gave him his wheels back.

Boris went one-on-one with the Duke of Edinburgh when he described the natives of Papua New Guinea as '... a bunch of grass-skirted jungle bunnies with a taste for alcohol (kindred spirirts eh Bozzer?) and white missionaries.' Again he was forgiven and let out of the cooking pot.

The local elections of 2008 saw Boris sweep to victory in the London Mayoral elections - drubbing his opponent Ken Livingstone by a significant margin of voters from Kingston and Croydon, and shutting his detractors up hopefully. Do you live in London? Johnson mocked "Supertone" (Tony Blair) for his brief visits to world trouble spots, bringing peace to the world while the UK deteriorated; Blair would arrive as "the tribal warriors will all break out in watermelon smiles to see the big white chief", just as "it is said the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies".

However you know that Boris has more 'Bon Mots' just waiting to ambush him ... and thats why we love him.