Amsterdam

A large Dutch city that draws grubby, whore-mongering BFG Pongo toads like moths to a flame. A city of quaint canals, funny bridges, bicycles and a large multi-culti population that would slit your throat in a dark alley for a few Guilders to enable them to feed their crack cocaine habit. Oh, did I mention drugs?

The 'Dam is the numero uno port of call for drug heads - the lenient Johnny Foreign laws allowing pretty much anything to go. On the plus side, this also permits a free for all in the many sex clubs that abound, so if rubber-clad dwarfs pissing on each other is your bag, then it's Schipol here we come!

The most sought after job in Amsterdam is window cleaner. Take a wander around, you'll soon understand why they need to confess so much.

Useful phrase: Waar kan ik de pissende dwergen zien?

It is fabled as the place where MDN received one of the two Hoop Dhobeys he has had in his life. Toad.