Thread: Armoured Farmer - A Tankie's Tale - A review

Originally Posted by commander

Malc

In the Soltau description you describe atrack that was always wet and a nightmare to drive along, was this the track that followed a road and seemed to be made up of old bricks and rubble under layer of water.


Bob


Best bit about the book is having been to most of the locations it is more graphic in the mind, especially the runaway Chieftain in Tidworth.

Bob
It was the track as seen on the cover picture. We called it the Rickety Rackety road. As you rightly say, it was water filled cunningly disguising the boulders etc underneath it's murky surface which so tried the Horstman suspension to it's very limits. It led from 'fiveways' junction towards Apex and Strip wood then the Tankbridge and had a 'wheels only' track running parallel.
I'm glad you've enjoyed it, as I keep saying, it's about reawakening your memories, mine were just the tool to do that. Hopefully a layman could learn enough from the first 3 chapters to keep their heads above water later in the book.
I could do with some reviews on the book in the literature thread to try and encourage more sales if anyone feels the need? I've not had anyone not enjoy it yet!!
Cheers
Malc

Originally Posted by scarletto

Originally Posted by Arthur3bums

Originally Posted by elovabloke

Originally Posted by "Arthur3bums

Your guys though....top blokes and very helpful if aplogetic.

Creep

Now then, you may well think that but, we'll have that conversation over a pint at Plymuff mate.............who's round??
A starter for ten, it really isn't an issue over whether one wears black or green..........armour (especially heavy armour) binds a brethren......for life!! Feck me, what have I said? Recce will be all over me like a badly aligned FUP!!!!!!

Oi!!! just read this, not our fault you wanted to spend all your time, stuck in a field, wondering why mud would'nt hold a 50 odd ton beast.

Ahhhhhh, but, did you enjoy it mate? Nothing like a bit of mud to bring us back to earth out of our diesel and oil covered steel monsters eh?

Hmm 3RTR eh 3bums i remember you guys from Fally in early 70's.When you guys stole on of our trucks on cambria day and we stole one of your chieftains on Sahagun day and parked it on your CO's lawn at his house.Ahhh the memory's congrats on the book m8.Jim ex 15th/19th.

Okay
Here are a couple snippets from my work in progress.........Armoured Farmer - Return of the Jelly. Feedback appreciated chaps..........remember it's fiction!!!!

An extract from Chapter 1
The Regiment had a warm, cosy and nurturing feel about it. The guys all lived pretty harmoniously together united in a feeling of Regimental pride. Life, it seemed, couldn’t get any better, a heady mix of spending the cash from their local overseas allowance on local beer, tax free cars or expensive hi Fi systems from the camp NAAFI shop. Each night the German Taxi firms continued to roll back and forth between the barracks gates and the city centre’s nightlife. On the way to town they transported, smartly dressed, respectful and sober (usually), soldiers. Then, at the end of the evening they would deposit a mix of rag tag, scruffy, foul mouthed and generally drunken (mullered) soldiers back at the barrack gates. These soldiers normally also carried a variety of fast food bundles purchased before getting in the cab. Then, a drunken rush back to their barrack rooms where, semi comatose, they reclined on their beds trying to fit as much food, at one go, into their drooling mouths as they could.
Then, next day, into the same old routine they’d pass except, this morning was Tuesday so, at 07:30, hung-over or not, the Squadron would parade. This parade was different though, we were wearing boots, lightweight trousers, an issue PT vest or all wearing the same design Squadron sweatshirt ready for the ‘Squadron run’. Then, the Squadron Sergeant Major would call us to attention, turn the Squadron……..�Move to the right in threes……..riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight……..turn!� At which point, dependant on the amount of previous night’s ale was in one’s stomach, the turning manoeuvre culminating in the crunch of your boots could make you feel like depositing said stomach’s contents on the road in front of you. Well, if that wasn’t enough the next order……..�By the front….quick march!� would be met by our foolish stomachs screaming in terror…..�Fuuuuuck this for a lark!� Then a smart “Left right left� would ensure that we kept the step. We’d normally stay at quick time marching for ohhh….at least………fifty feet until the OC would, normally from behind the Squadron, instruct the SSM to “Get ‘em to double Sar’nt Major!� at which point the SSM would duly give us the dreaded order to “Break into double time….double….march!� Timed perfectly to match our footfalls this order never failed to set our stomachs churning, the bile rising in our throats like a volcanic eruption. Some poor unfortunates would, at this prompting by physical violence as their feet broke into a run, puke their stomach contents (hopefully) into the nearby kerb. Stomachs duly vented, ever onward with the Squadron run with fresh gusto. Ah, the wonder of physical fitness!!!

These days of relative ease were a welcome relief from the long periods of time spent ‘in the field’ on exercise or ‘scheme’ as we called it. The exercise season involved week upon week on the Soltau Training Area, the British Army’s own playground. Here we could practice the art of tactical movement, to a degree, across the barren landscape. It would be a welcome break each year when we would depart to the firing ranges at Hohne to practice our Tank gunnery techniques to complete the mystical jigsaw that is Tank Warfare. The exercise year closed each autumn with British Army Of the Rhine, all 55,000 of us, let loose on the German countryside in the Field Training Exercise (FTX). This exercise also allowed Britain to flex it’s muscle further and practice the logistical feat of mobilising troops based in the UK and shipping them to bolster the ranks of BAOR.
And so it was that all these routines bimbled along happily as the Great Russian bear rattled it’s chains at NATO across the Iron Curtain during the so called cold war. But, the question always hovered, often unspoken, on our lips……..�What the fcuk would happen if the cold war got hot and we really had to put our mettle to the test?�
Well, strangely enough we wouldn’t have to wait much longer for that question to be answered.

An extract from Chapter 2

Warm enough for you lads?
January 1984 heralded another year much the same as 1983………….or so we thought. During 1983, political unrest in the Yugoslavian states had risen to an unprecedented level. Yugoslavia had, essentially been formed from states which, prior to Tito and communism, were only too eager to rip each other’s throats out. Yugoslavia’s formation had however, tamed some of the more belligerent states such as Serbia. Let us not forget that Serbia, due to political unrest in 1914, had started WW1 after Mr Gavrilo Princip had, with the aid of a pistol, happily blown the brains of the Austrian heir to the throne across a street quickly followed by the internal organs of his wife. That foolish act had started a chain reaction to war that would take a further 4 years to halt after millions of men had lost their lives and the burning question across Europe was “Who the fcuk said this’d be over by Christmas??�

Post WW2, Yugoslavia had become a sort of Communist holiday resort for even people from the Democracies of Western Europe. With a special travel warrant, even NATO Troops could go on holiday to the ‘Yugoslavian Riviera’ but, not without a ‘special briefing’ beforehand. Albeit that the country was viewed by NATO as a ‘tame’ communist state, it was widely known that organisations with Soviet connections employed spies to prise potential secrets from unwary soldiers. The spies were, purportedly, naturally attractive young ladies with few if any sexual morals. The idea would be to hook some poor unsuspecting chap into bed, then through photos or other means, blackmail soldiers into relating secrets either on the pillow or, better still, over a longer period, when the guy returned to his unit. We couldn’t substantiate these stories but, plenty of blokes were willing to give it a ‘fcuking good try’!!!!!!

I did MedMan 7 in 1982 with 3 RTR and ended up as the stand in MTO in Canada - I think the original guy died?

I had a fantastic time commanding my Stollie troop (and your MT) and then sampling the delights of BATUS. Happy days - you made me and my guys feel very welcome and a big part of the 3 RTR Battlegroup.

PS. I remember the 'rickety-rackety' road too!

Oh - I've just bought your book!

Originally Posted by Bubbles_Barker

I did MedMan 7 in 1982 with 3 RTR and ended up as the stand in MTO in Canada - I think the original guy died?

I had a fantastic time commanding my Stollie troop (and your MT) and then sampling the delights of BATUS. Happy days - you made me and my guys feel very welcome and a big part of the 3 RTR Battlegroup.

PS. I remember the 'rickety-rackety' road too!

Oh - I've just bought your book!

Well Bubbs
Glad you enjoyed your time with us mate.............most people did. 3RTR was always a family orientated environment just, without the incest!!!!
Hope you like the book mate.
Cheers

A3B was kind enough to supply me with an electronic copy which i sampled via my ebook reader on my hols this year. Fantastic bok, i couldnt stop laughing. Anyone who has served in an Armoured regiment needs to read this book,just change the character names and everything will relate to someone you know from your own regiment or someone elses. Very well written with the Armoured soldier in mind. I cant wait for the next exciting installment.

My comments would be:

It survived the transistion to the ebook reader pretty well less for the positioning of a few of the captions under the excellent drawings and pics. Did i like the book? Of course i did, very nice piece of work indeed. I found that it being very close to home meant that i could just change the odd name here and there and it pretty much mirrored my own thoughts and recollections of that time period, seems we all did pretty much the same things and under the same circumstances with the same types of characters. A truly excellent read and i look forward with interest to your next epic! Honestly though mate, very well done an honest and somehwat hilarious look at the life of Tank soldiers in the RAC in the late 70's early 80's, you focused, obviously, on 3 RTR but it is a credit to us all and our professionalism and love for life............

Cheers Malc,

Many thanks for all the advice and help, it does appear "Pull Up a Sandbag" is doing well so far, it is finally also available in Amazon.co.uk as well as the Publishers Purchase Page so that's a bonus.

Have you had yours made into an E-Book or Audio CD?

Currently reading Julian Beirne's Diary of an RE Plant Op/Sapper so will order your Armoured Farmer when I finish the current book...

Thanks again.

Originally Posted by Gundulph

Cheers Malc,

Many thanks for all the advice and help, it does appear "Pull Up a Sandbag" is doing well so far, it is finally also available in Amazon.co.uk as well as the Publishers Purchase Page so that's a bonus.

Have you had yours made into an E-Book or Audio CD?

Currently reading Julian Beirne's Diary of an RE Plant Op/Sapper so will order your Armoured Farmer when I finish the current book...

Thanks again.

Cheers guys
Glad people like the book. Unfortunately it's not going to be in 'e' format as the publisher seems pretty stuck in the mud and, when you're signed for 10 years.......................nightmare.
Glad 'pull up a sandbag''s doing well, it deserves it mate.

Just got Armored Farmer. Currently reading Rob Kershaws Tank Men so will read it when this is nailed. Lookin forward to reading Pull Up a Sandbag

Originally Posted by Arthur3bums

Originally Posted by Gundulph

Cheers Malc,

Many thanks for all the advice and help, it does appear "Pull Up a Sandbag" is doing well so far, it is finally also available in Amazon.co.uk as well as the Publishers Purchase Page so that's a bonus.

Have you had yours made into an E-Book or Audio CD?

Currently reading Julian Beirne's Diary of an RE Plant Op/Sapper so will order your Armoured Farmer when I finish the current book...

Thanks again.

Cheers guys
Glad people like the book. Unfortunately it's not going to be in 'e' format as the publisher seems pretty stuck in the mud and, when you're signed for 10 years.......................nightmare.
Glad 'pull up a sandbag''s doing well, it deserves it mate.

I do believe we are stuck in the same 'Mud Pie' Malc!!! I'm currently in a battle trying to get the book steadied on Amazon.co.uk but without joy... your book is on the back page of "Pull Up a Sandbag" so I hope it brings a couple of extra sales in... You 'never' know

Gunny mate
Had a conversation with 'Linda' last week telling me the 16 copies I'd ordered to sell at Tankfest this coming weekend were ready and that I could have a little extra discount........................................th ey arrived today as promised but judging by my invoice, apparently, my discount was last seen heading off double time to BFPO 58 with no credit note in pursuit!!!!!

I think this thread could do with a BUMP, and an unashamed plug.

I had an interesting chat with Malc at the Tankfest, and subsequently bought a copy of his excellent book "Armoured Farmer".

It is certainly hilarious, and sure to be enjoyed by anyone who has any sense of humour. It is not neccesary to be a tankie to visualise the anecdotes, and all ARRSE'rs should buy (or steal) a copy.

My only complaint is who is going to do the work I have neglected whilst I could not put the book down.

Well done Malc.

RIGHT THEN. Picked up my copy of Armored Farmer yesterday evening and started reading. Having been sat on my desk for a few weeks while i finished Tank Men and
Troop Leader: A Tank Commander's Story, both of which I highly recommend, the book needed dusting off

Had me in stitches within a short time and im currently just up to what is my favorite part so far. The bloody funny mayhem of the Tank Competition thingie involving Frank, 'Jud' and 'Pep'

Just want to say thank you for giving me what is so far the best read of my life and lightening the boredom of an army application (waiting for med forms to clear)


Dan

just joined. advised to find sqn hide.