Thread: Armoured Farmer - A Tankie's Tale - A review

Thought I'd take the liberty of pasting this in written by Civvy-Shot.

For what it's worth, here's my 2p. First of all I was approaching it from an outsider's viewpoint. Tank nerd I may well be, but the closest I'd got to the real thing was looking at them in museums, watching documentaries or reading about them. I had actually got buggerall idea what it was like to live with the big metal beasts. From t'web I had a fair idea that Chieftain apparently broke down now and then, and that your average German farmer may allegedly have pointed in the direction of whichever bit of farm he wanted to replace at HMG's expense when the large noisy things charged (limped) over the horizon in a cloud of diesel exhaust.

So, the book. It's written in an almost conversational style, not littered with jargon and acronyms which seems to be a trap that too many military books fall into (if a 40 page glossary is required then the author hasn't done it right in the first place). It also takes you along at a good pace - there are areas where you KNOW that there is more to be told but going into too much depth risks bogging the narrative down. (Or alternatively that's waiting for volume two...)

Although VERY funny, it doesn't feel that the book was playing for laughs, rather that some genuinely bizarre stuff occurred and the author described it well.

The more technical stuff (i.e tank design through the ages) was also delivered in a style that anybody could understand, although A3B's urinal obsession may require qualified psychiatric help.

Bits that stuck out a mile? The description of the ceremony in front of HM. The pride in the regiment shone off the page. And the grumbles as the flash gits in the Challenger zoomed by....you could hear them. And the lack of funding preventing the engines being turned over daily - shurely something like that could never happen today?? And more.

Well worth a crisp tenner of anyone's money, military or civilian.

My only very minor criticism was I don't think the binding will stand up to too much abuse (in common with PUTB, but small publishing houses...) but at least that might generate a few more sales for Herr 3 Bums. Incidentally, I note you don't describe how you got that nickname in the book....??

I've posted this in the Literature forum but thought it should come home to armour especially the advice about Amazon for all you budding scribes out there.

Miffed from Runcorn here!!!

I'm a bit disappointed with my publishers who now tell me that my first sales report isn't due until March!!! Talk about leaving someone in the dark!!!! I'm praying that I'm in for a pleasant surprise going by the number of hits this thread has had albeit I'd have liked a little more feedback from people who've already bought/read the book so I could vainly attempt a guess at how many have sold!! it would be nice to know if I've at least recouped my cost involved in getting published.

Second point is really advice for anyone publishing/using Amazon!!!!
I think I may have already explained how Amazon functions but here it is again.
1. A book is published and the publisher has to place it on the Nielsen register.
2. Anyone has access to the register and for example, Waterstones place books from it on their 'special order' file unless they have a marketing agreement with a publisher or wholesaler.
3. Amazon take book data from the register and advertise the book as available thru them even though they have no stock. Hence they don't always have cover photos etc as publishers don't 'tend' to place an image file on the Nielsen register.
4. Amazon receive an order....then in turn order from a wholesaler (who probably don't have a stock either) who then orders from the publisher and despatches the book. Leading to huge delivery delays of upto 6 weeks.
5. If sales are unforthcoming due to lead times on deliverys in their ad.
6. They 'knock down' the book price in a madcap attempt to increase sales even though they've organised no deals with wholesalers/publishers, then, if they get an order they attempt to order which fails as, they've no discount deal arranged and can't supply the book.
7. They then (just to really p*ss me off) state the book as 'No longer available' which makes the publisher look crap and actually damages my potential sales!!!!!!!!

I would like to state the obvious....please please.... the book is available direct from the publisher and by special order through other reputable bookshops so, if you want a laugh at some mad Tankies to rekindle your own memories and the stuff you all got upto......have a read of my book not forgetting to.............give me some feedback mates.

Thanks for your attention.

Well
Spoke to the printers today. It would appear, including the ones I sold myself, I've sold......wait for it............a whole 222 copies of Armoured Farmer!! Bowllox, never get rich this way!!! Given the number of hits on this site and very positive feedback I was hoping for a bit of a higher figure but well C'est La Guerre!!!IF any of you know people who should have bought a copy but haven't....please plug it guys I need to sell 500 just so I break even!!! Disappointed but, still very very thankful for those of you that felt it'd be worth a read and enjoyed it....thanks again.

I'm no book critic but just thought I'd add my comments about Malcy's excellent book.

I ordered the book and it took about a week to arrive, not bad for BFPO. I thoroughly enjoyed the book which I found to be very humerous, informative and well written, Malcy explained things about tanks and 3 RTR which allowed any non tankie to fully understand the world of a tank driver, Gunner, loader/operator and commander.

I love to read about all the places that I been to ie Fally, Paderborn, Cyprus etc, I'm a REME Recovery mechanic who loves Armour so it was very easy to relate my experiences to his, as somebody else wrote "it's a wonderful trip down Memory Lane".

For anybody wanting to know what life was like as a tankie during the cold war then this book is an absolute must. What's also fantasic is the stuff that blokes got away with during that era, Hilarious stuff that you just wouldn't get away with in todays Army.

I've recommended Malcy's book to loads of mates hopefully they'll enjoy the book as much as I have.

Hi read your book,pretty accurate,I was a junior in the late 70s then 13/18 those posh horsey types,never rode one myself a chieftain man through and through. oh by the way TEWT is Tactical Exercise without TROOPS not tanks,Enjoyed it immensly well done, Whens the sequel coming out.

Tonylido
Glad you enjoyed the book mate,
The sequel 'Armoured Farmer - Return of the jelly' is underway,(currently on chapter 5), this will be more of a storyline though. The Third go to war in 1984 as the Soviet bloc cross the IGB. There will however, be plenty of laughs balanced against the 'what if' scenario.
TEWT..............effing typical, a 14/20th Major on my MBT Crew Commanders told us TANKs during....................a tactics TEWT.......never believe a 'Skipping chicken'!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO :D

Malc
Just started to read the book and laready thinking of suing you for injuries, my sides hurt so much from laughing so well done, can relate to most of it though.

Feel that I must comment on the Tidworth bit on handover /takeover. I do not remember it being like that but I think you must have taken over C Squadron. A Squadron had 3 tanks in workshops, all for upgrades and I think out Cent Target tank was there as well. I think the tanks were in good nick but then again that being A Squadron they would have been.

Look forward to the sequel :D

Originally Posted by commander

Malc
Just started to read the book and laready thinking of suing you for injuries, my sides hurt so much from laughing so well done, can relate to most of it though.

Feel that I must comment on the Tidworth bit on handover /takeover. I do not remember it being like that but I think you must have taken over C Squadron. A Squadron had 3 tanks in workshops, all for upgrades and I think out Cent Target tank was there as well. I think the tanks were in good nick but then again that being A Squadron they would have been.

Look forward to the sequel :D

I don't remember them being in that good a condition... but then again... it was a feckin' space age ago.. :(

Originally Posted by commander

Malc
Just started to read the book and laready thinking of suing you for injuries, my sides hurt so much from laughing so well done, can relate to most of it though.

Feel that I must comment on the Tidworth bit on handover /takeover. I do not remember it being like that but I think you must have taken over C Squadron. A Squadron had 3 tanks in workshops, all for upgrades and I think out Cent Target tank was there as well. I think the tanks were in good nick but then again that being A Squadron they would have been.

Look forward to the sequel :D

Commander

I'm glad to be getting positive feedback my friend. The book is built around my memories but, it's all about re-awakening everyones memories about their times in the Army all the madcap ludicrous situations that we lived through. It was however, our good fortune to do it in the RAC, mine, in 3RTR.
I'm on chapter 5 of 'Armoured Farmer - Return of the Jelly' which, as you progress, you'll understand what a 'Jelly' is. We, are going to war in 1984!! A 'what if' book with plenty of humour!!!
Our handover from your goodselves was, in C Squadron, a bit of a shambles, given the drought and lack of water, maybe understandable. I just couldn't comprehend how the amount of tanks in the hangar was less than outside workshops!! Your guys though....top blokes and very helpful if aplogetic. We soon found out the problems with our wagons though as the exercise commitment for us was ferocious and with the lack of money from Labour, it was inevitable that we would struggle to keep the wagons roadworthy!!
Thanks for the feedback mate.

Originally Posted by "Arthur3bums

Your guys though....top blokes and very helpful if aplogetic.

Creep

Originally Posted by elovabloke

Originally Posted by "Arthur3bums

Your guys though....top blokes and very helpful if aplogetic.

Creep

Now then, you may well think that but, we'll have that conversation over a pint at Plymuff mate.............who's round??
A starter for ten, it really isn't an issue over whether one wears black or green..........armour (especially heavy armour) binds a brethren......for life!! Feck me, what have I said? Recce will be all over me like a badly aligned FUP!!!!!!

Arthur3Bums,
I ordered the book whilst on Op Herrick 8 and it helped cheer me up no end!.Some of the younger lads read it and now understand why I am the way I am about somethings!.
I'll definately ordered the 2nd book when it's ready.
A brilliantly written,honest and a laugh a minute trip down memory lane for anyone who joined the Army before the first Gulf war.
Arte et Marte

REMEWOTAJOKE
I'm really glad you enjoyed the book mate. Thanks for the kind words.

Malc

In the Soltau description you describe atrack that was always wet and a nightmare to drive along, was this the track that followed a road and seemed to be made up of old bricks and rubble under layer of water.


Bob


Best bit about the book is having been to most of the locations it is more graphic in the mind, especially the runaway Chieftain in Tidworth.

Originally Posted by Arthur3bums

Originally Posted by elovabloke

Originally Posted by "Arthur3bums

Your guys though....top blokes and very helpful if aplogetic.

Creep

Now then, you may well think that but, we'll have that conversation over a pint at Plymuff mate.............who's round??
A starter for ten, it really isn't an issue over whether one wears black or green..........armour (especially heavy armour) binds a brethren......for life!! Feck me, what have I said? Recce will be all over me like a badly aligned FUP!!!!!!

Oi!!! just read this, not our fault you wanted to spend all your time, stuck in a field, wondering why mud would'nt hold a 50 odd ton beast.