Not sure if this has been done before, but after reading a few threads in the NAAFI about course stereotypes, i thought the cadets deserved a mention of their own!!

To get the ball rolling heres some I would like to mention

Combat Munchkin:
This little lad could do with some time in a grow bag, it is almost impossible to find kit to fit him and the No.8 rifle is taller than him.
Can often appear to be a Bergan that has grown legs but cant walk very far.
Often seen being dragged uphill by stronger cadet with many DS carrying his/her kit.


The Veteran:
Has been a cadet for many years and knows nothing other than fieldcraft and SAA.
can be seen out and about in the field with many items of his own 'gucci' kit complete with thousand yard stare.
Has been given lance jack for time in only and is of bugger all use to anyone in the unit. However put him in the field an hes great.

Any more

The Mong

This cadet can't do anything right. He forgets his kit, trips over his laces and genrally causes havoc. Usually coupled with an ability to ask really annoying/pointless questions.

The Leg Humper

A extreme mong in most cases, who mistook that ‘Good lad’ you muttered when he managed to do up his shoe laces as being brothers in arms. Attaches self firmly to your leg, on cadet camp will follow you into the NAAFI and sit quietly behind you. Cold sweats break out when he selects a bed space next to yours. Feigning illness breaks out when it turns out hes your basha buddy.

Acts like you’ve killed his mum when you tell him to ‘Feck off!’.

The Walt

Normally an airsofter/mil history freak. Overweight, yet claims to be 'switched on' and 'serious.' Possibly claims a Cadets or TA background prior to joining UOTC (if applicable) but is quickly busted by the real ex-cadets who make sure everyone knows how much of a wanker he is. The Walt likes to appear knowledgeable and loves to give out crap advice to new cadets.
He buys massive amounts of pointless kit (large maglite, extra black pouches for his webbing, SAAVs, leg holster ('to complete the loadout') and an empty bayonet frog. Aggressive when cornered and mocked in the NAAFI.
All his bluster and supposed ability turn to shite in the field when he acts like a complete admin vortex as his 'as used by Chris Ryan' "dump sack" explodes like the cheap rubbish it is. He has no idea of personal admin (smelly bastard) and cannot use a hexi cooker, set up a basha or pack his Bergen inside 15 minutes. Insists on carrying his weapon in the shoulder with his eye glued to the SUSAT, spending most of his time tripping over stones and causing a godawful racket as well as pointing the business end at his mates.
Positively dangerous on the ranges, he assumes that because he plays airsoft/can name all the patterns of Lee Enfield back to the turn of the century, that he can shoot. NSPs apparently don't exist and he was last seen being stretchered off the firing point after being tackled by the DS when he casually swung a loaded rifle around to face rearwards.

THE MMMMLLLLLAAAAAARRRRR!

We had a mong we took to camp once, he was not allowed to do SAA, so did not pass SAA test, not allowed to shoot, even if he did somehow pass SAA, which remember he was not allowed to do. Had to be supervised when on the area day or night so he did not slope off and breed with the sheep and create some ubermong. But he passes his 1* on "special dispensation from the commandant", equal opportunities and all that I know, but I think perhaps he should have been told this is not quite the organisation for him

Originally Posted by SCoy

The Mong

This cadet can't do anything right. He forgets his kit, trips over his laces and genrally causes havoc. Usually coupled with an ability to ask really annoying/pointless questions.

and ginger hair!

the TASO, same as an OTC cadet, but gets to make tea for other people and be a gopher at their unit. Cant be seen to be markedly improved above an OCDT, but woe betide anyone who might point this out.
-also ginger


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(has had sense of humour surgically removed and gives up drink because they are "responsible")

AKA brew bitch or NAAFI tart

suits_U

Daddy's Princess.

Beloved only daughter of some crusty old colnel, she joined the OTC "because daddy wanted me to, you know?"

Despite being a dead weight on her section, and a stuck-up little tart to boot, she's the darling of both the Officers (who know their future in the army depends on keeping her happy) and the PSIs (who know that shagging a Colnel's daughter is a worthy aspiration; something to remember on a cold night in Iran five years hence).

Despite the fact that she has all the leadership qualities of a French politician, the charisma of a leper and the military skills of an Ungobungoland militiaman, she's still guaranteed a JUO appointment in her third year, meaning that all the other JUOs have to carry her kit as well as administer her section, do her paper-work, plan her lessons and cover her duties.

Better pray she's only doing a three-year course, or else you'll have to survive with her as PMC or SUO next year...

Originally Posted by TheAlcotroll

Daddy's Princess.

Beloved only daughter of some crusty old colnel, she joined the OTC "because daddy wanted me to, you know?"

Despite being a dead weight on her section, and a stuck-up little tart to boot, she's the darling of both the Officers (who know their future in the army depends on keeping her happy) and the PSIs (who know that shagging a Colnel's daughter is a worthy aspiration; something to remember on a cold night in Iran five years hence).

Despite the fact that she has all the leadership qualities of a French politician, the charisma of a leper and the military skills of an Ungobungoland militiaman, she's still guaranteed a JUO appointment in her third year, meaning that all the other JUOs have to carry her kit as well as administer her section, do her paper-work, plan her lessons and cover her duties.

Better pray she's only doing a three-year course, or else you'll have to survive with her as PMC or SUO next year...

You sound bitter alcotrol, did said princess get promoted over you by any chance?

Originally Posted by PartTimeGeordie

Originally Posted by TheAlcotroll

Daddy's Princess.

Beloved only daughter of some crusty old colnel, she joined the OTC "because daddy wanted me to, you know?"

Despite being a dead weight on her section, and a stuck-up little tart to boot, she's the darling of both the Officers (who know their future in the army depends on keeping her happy) and the PSIs (who know that shagging a Colnel's daughter is a worthy aspiration; something to remember on a cold night in Iran five years hence).

Despite the fact that she has all the leadership qualities of a French politician, the charisma of a leper and the military skills of an Ungobungoland militiaman, she's still guaranteed a JUO appointment in her third year, meaning that all the other JUOs have to carry her kit as well as administer her section, do her paper-work, plan her lessons and cover her duties.

Better pray she's only doing a three-year course, or else you'll have to survive with her as PMC or SUO next year...

You sound bitter alcotrol, did said princess get promoted over you by any chance?

In civvystrasse this charming little specimen is known as "the intern." She'll be promoted to EVP/partner within six weeks of arriving at the company not knowing how to use the hold button on her phone.

Now that you know her future role after she dumps her filial obligation, be aware that you'll never escape her because you too will be out one day...living proof that blonde hair and marginal good looks (as well as a frighteningly connected Daddykins) will get you out of anything, anywhere.