ARmy Rumour SErvice

* Alles Uber Den Platz - All over the place

* Welchen Weg Nach Paris, Bitte? - Which way to Paris, please?

* Drei stuck bon bon - Three piece suite

* Ausfahrt kinder - Way out baby

* Fick miene alter steieffel - Fcuk my old boots

* Schutzenfest polizei - Fair cop

* Pup packet - Fart parcel

* Alles klar meine alter chinesisch? - Alright my old china?

* Rustig sternefisch - Rusty starfish

* Schlag der bischof - Bash the bishop

* Was ist der schaden johan? - Whats the damage john?

* Auto schlussel hoser - Khaki trousers

* Heinrich monch - Harry monk

* Hunds hodden - Dogs b*llcks

* Gaffend axt werwunden - Gaping axe wound

* Du bist nicht falsche fliedermouseman! - Your not wrong Batman!

* Sicher Ding - Sure thing

* Blond genug - fair enough

* Fick miene alter steieffel schwartz und blau - Fcuk my old boots black and blue

* Getaner Job - Job Done

* Ich habe ein halb panzer links - I have half a tank left

* Nannten Sie meinen Pint ein schwule? - Did you call my pint a poof?

* Essen meine kurtz hosen - eat my shorts

* Warum augen Herren - Why eye man

* Jeder bohrung ist ein tor - Any hole's a goal

* Blinkety-blinken-ticken-tocken - indicators

* Einen Spitzenbangensmokentuben - exhaust pipe.

* Lila Kopf Hosen Schlanger - purple headed trouser snake

* Die alte forella - The old trout

* Gelbenunterwasseeboot - yellow submarine

* Schoen Rindfleish Gardinen - Nice Beef Curtains.

* Verkehrs Marmelad - Traffic Jam

* Nicht viel polizei....not much cop

* Grosse Mädchenbluse - Big girls blouse

* Sie sind in Ihrer eigenen Zeit jetzt - You're in your own time now

* Hieleger Schizer Herr Fliedermaus - Holy Sh*t Batman

* Actung Bahnhof - Action Stations

* Flug links untermieter - Flight Lieutenant

* Wer gewann den Krieg irgendwie? - Who won the war anyway?

* Achtung! Spitfeuer! - Attention! Spitfire!

* Für Sie,Tommy, der Krieg ist rüber! - For you, Tommy, the war is over!

* Mein ringmuskel ist gebrochen - My sphincter is bust (use schliessmuskel in Bavaria for greater effect)

Kirsh- bloody- doo- daa (A bit of squaddie Danish!)

I thought English could be understood worldwide if you yell very slowly?

Originally Posted by goatrutar

I thought English could be understood worldwide if you yell very slowly?

And LOUDLY.

Having joined the army with a Grade 1 O-level in German and wangled most of 1980 on a Linguist course, I was forever being interrupted during my beer drinking by drunken cavalrymen asking inane questions like, "How do I ask for another beer?"

I very quickly took to answering every such request with, "Ich moechte Ihre Tochter bitte in die Scheune mitnehmen."

Oh look, a Google search shows I have already made this entry in Arrse:

Foreigners Who Mangle Our Language

Scheune sofort oeffnen oder Ich fahre mein Landrover dadurch - open your barn immediately or I will drive my Landrover through it

Zwei grossen Bier bitte, mein Freund bezahlt - 2 large beers please and my friend will pay

Es ist ein Schade dass wir dieses Kneipe nicht wahrend der Krieg glattgebombt haben - it's a shame we didn't bomb this pub flat in the war

A few I can remember that haven't yet been mentioned, I don't think..

Meine alt fruchte fledermaus - my old fruitbat

When a Nig wanted to chat up some bird in the local dive we'd tell them that these were acceptable introductions.

Guten Tag, Ich bin ein unterwasserpanzerfurher - I'm an underwater tank driver

or

Ich bin ein einbahnstrasse - I'm a one-way-street.

Purile, I know...

Heilige Scheisse,Fledermausman! Holy shit ,Batman!