ARmy Rumour SErvice

**Sinner251** · 09-11-2010, 14:33

No.1 daughter off school this morning for Xray of her dodgy hip, all done, home for lunch then in for school. On the way to school we come across an ol'fella planted face first into the curb after a fall. Huge gash in face, cheek bone exposed, numerous other little cuts, Nose bent right out of shape, blood all over and the other eye already swelling shut. I get him turned over and sat up leaning against my leg as he was trying to get up. Trying to get my phone out while reassuring him and holding him up when No.1 daughter takes phone off me and dials 999 while going to nearest house and demanding a "Clean towel" from the old dear inside. As the woman went to go back in the house No.1 daughter tells her to "Move smartly now". (I will admit to telling the kids to move smartly all the time and I got the habit from my Dad)
Comes back over and starts talking to the ol'fella "Whats your name?" "what happened?" passing all the info to Ambulance control like a pro. I actually just stood there supporting him and keeping the wound covered watching as she took charge and she even moved on some old girls by asking them if they would liked to be stared at if it was them bleeding.
She even asked the paramedic if he could move faster as he was bimbling over. Quote of the day "Take your time, Its ok not like anyones bleeding is it" Then she picked up all the packaging from Bandages he was chucking all over and placed it in a bin.
After he was passed over to the paramedic and going in the ambulance I took her to school and she came out with "Would'nt kill him to miss a few meals and do some exercise" just within earshot of said lardarse medic.

He gave her proper daggers.

1st aid with the Brownies last year before she got bored with the brownies and it looks like she was paying attention.

One proud as punch Dad.

Edited for biff speeelung

Also edited to add: I honestly think she would have handled it with out me there.

**bullet_catcher** · 09-11-2010, 15:18

If she is only 8 years old, then well done to both of you. However, if she is 28 years old, then we really need a photo to assess her organisational merits.

**Sinner251** · 09-11-2010, 15:37

Originally Posted by bullet_catcher

If she is only 8 years old, then well done to both of you. However, if she is 28 years old, then we really need a photo to assess her organisational merits.

Definetly 8 mate, but with the attitude of this guy normally:

After todays effort she's getting a big present at the weekend.

**Mr_Fingerz** · 09-11-2010, 15:49

Originally Posted by monkey104

Dont know where I went wrong with my young un. I taught him drill and weapons when I was on my instructors course. Taught him take-downs and holds when I did unarmed combat courses (Believe it or not to this day he can still get out of a goose-neck even though his thumb practically touches his elbow). taught him squaddy camping, how to select a decent pair of boots,how to iron his kit...mind you he did object to the creases down the front of his jeans as he got older!
And what does he do? Only runs off to college to become an electrician Oh the shame
AJ

He's just delaying the day that he signs up for the RE.

**Trollox** · 24-11-2010, 09:09

my daughter came home last night with her first boyfriend. I asked to see her permission slip to allow her to have male companions on camp.
she stuttered and came out with a lame excuse something about mum something. so I double both the feckers to the guard shed. where i locked her up for not complting with standing orders and i made him polish the brass hinges and locks on the shed till his fingers bled.
i havent seen him or any more boyfriends since, but thats because she was charged for sad offence and was awarded 128 days soldier on.

**The_Snail** · 24-11-2010, 09:12

Originally Posted by Trollox

my daughter came home last night with her first boyfriend. I asked to see her permission slip to allow her to have male companions on camp.
she stuttered and came out with a lame excuse something about mum something. so I double both the feckers to the guard shed. where i locked her up for not complting with standing orders and i made him polish the brass hinges and locks on the shed till his fingers bled.
i havent seen him or any more boyfriends since, but thats because she was charged for sad offence and was awarded 128 days soldier on.

Are you typing with your head?

**brummieboy1** · 24-11-2010, 18:37

Trollox? Bollox more like.

**CaptainPlume** · 12-06-2011, 13:57

OK, Holy Thread Revival, but:

The four-year-old MasterPlume is coming on nicely in terms of enjoying things like Cavalry Sunday and the changing of the Queen's Life Guard. Bonus Squaddy points for him as his favourite bit of the latter was one of the nags having a huge crap.

However I had a real "Ye Gods!" moment this afternoon. I'd brought him home from swimming & gave him a bath to rinse off the chlorine & council-estate children's wee & popped him in his bathrobe to dry off while I made some lunch. All went terribly quiet until I heard a cry of, "Daddy! Look at me!"

Such cries are not unusual as he's rather proud of his achievements, so I stuck a fatherly head around the kitchen door to see what was going on. There stood MasterPlume who had shed his robe & was waving his infant parts at me. Tucked securely into his foreskin was a AAA battery with the bronze top outermost.

I simply didn't know whether to laugh or cry. What I will be doing is hiding the jar of coppers I keep lest he start an attempt to outdo Trooper "Donkey Dick" D***e of the Skins in hiding enough pfennigs in there to fund the purchase of a round at the Squadron bar...

**privatescruff** · 12-07-2011, 19:55

I'm a young 'un, but for you older ones should get this.
My surname begins with R, so when I have kids, I'm going to name it 'Stuart Lee' or 'Sarah Lee', to get SLR as their intials. My family has a history of military service, and they'd be proud of me for honouring the venerated SLR

**jarrod248** · 12-07-2011, 20:00

Originally Posted by privatescruff

I'm a young 'un, but for you older ones should get this.
My surname begins with R, so when I have kids, I'm going to name it 'Stuart Lee' or 'Sarah Lee', to get SLR as their intials. My family has a history of military service, and they'd be proud of me for honouring the venerated SLR

Don't mess up this thread you virgin.