ARmy Rumour SErvice

**Seadog** · 23-06-2004, 13:31

Re the silly ears thing on bikers helmets (not that I'd do it myself you understand).

The idea is that school run mummy in her 4x4, taxi driver or white van man, phone to the ear, delivery route map on steering wheel pings the biker with silly stick on ears and thinks; 'look at that twaat'. Biker has been seen, standards achieved.

Still with all the tailgaters, 4x4 owners, white van men etc. in the grave, the ears won't be needed.

So, there will still be room for:

Unelected political advisors in Bliars entourage.

Bliar cronies who get appointed to the House of Lords.

Owners of 'fighting' dogs.

**Seadog** · 23-06-2004, 15:55

People who confuse mathematics with arithmetic. (Ann Robinson: "In maths, what is 4x5?")

Staff Officers and MoD Civil Service staff who use every TLA in the MoD book, assuming everyone at their all ranks briefing knows what they mean.

**Issimondias** · 23-06-2004, 20:52

People who wear thise daft tight bobbleless bobblehats that make them look as if they've just had brain surgery.
Convertible drivers.
parents who buy their kids ganz neu BMW's for their 17th birthdays.
MY LOCAL PLANNING DEPT!!!
That'll do thanks

**easesprings** · 24-06-2004, 08:29

I must be thinking about this way too much, or have to much time on my hands

1. People who eat/ drink Low Calorie foods/drinks.
2. All Non Alcoholic Drinks.
3. Barbour Wearers.
4. People who think they can have an extra chocolate bar, busicuit or packet of crisps just because they burnt off an extra 1 Calorie.
5. People who moan about their weight/health and then do F*^k all about it.

**Seadog** · 24-06-2004, 09:21

easesprings wrote:

2. All Non Alcoholic Drinks.

Coffee, tea, water, fruit juice. lemonade? They can't make your life uncomfortable and they are not 'people'.

I must be thinking about this way too much, or have to much time on my hands

You are and you have.

---------------------------

More candidates.

Rock stars who ask: 'are ya alright?' or instruct the audience to 'put your hands in the air/together' or say; 'let me see those hands'.

Audiences who respond as requested.

Footballers who look angry after scoring a goal.

Footballers who indulge in public displays of homosexuality after scoing a goal. Rugby players who are following their example (Stop it).

Footballers who moan about stress. ( £100,000 a week, IQ of 75, job comensurate with IQ...how stressed can you get?)

People who fall for football clubs cynical marketing of home/away strips and wear them on inappropriate occasions.

Football clubs who cynically.....

Anyone who moans about fat cat salaries but doesn't grudge a bloke £100,000 a week for kicking a ball and kissing other men.

Any one with a herd/pack mentality.

The herd/the pack. (Making sure)

Anyone who says 'do you know who I am?' Usually big bloke, pin stripes, bushy eyebrows ( think Derry Irvine).

Derry Irvine.

Anyone who says 'smile it may never happen' when it has.

The importers of Americanisms. 'Do you want that to go?' (No I want it to take away). ENJOY!

Mess stewards who think apricot jam is the same as marmalade.

**ViroBono** · 24-06-2004, 15:46

People who moan about fat cat salaries, but are members of trades union paying huge salaries to the champagne socialists in charge

Seadog has got me going now:

Mess stewards who come to take your order but don't know what the soup/pudding is

Mess members who use the knife provided for cutting toast to spread peanut butter

Whoever allowed peanut butter in the Mess in the first place

Whoever thought it was a good idea to have motorway service-style 'individual preserves' instead of a pot of jam with a spoon

Mess staff who have the kitchen radio on (Sh1te FM, naturally) so loud it can be heard in the dining room, who then scowl when told to turn it down/off

People who steal Mess newspapers (as an aside, an old-school steward at Haslar used to report papers found in rooms, with the incriminating stamp, resulting in an extra charge on the member's bill)

Whoever chose 'things can only get better' as a New Labour theme, as they must have known it was a lie

People who dress toddlers in football strips and imagine it's cute

People who call their children after footballers

UEFA, for saying that the hooliganism in Portugal was 'not football related'

**mucus** · 24-06-2004, 21:38

my favorite (not) few
the whole fecking pc brigade,
whoever invented risk assesments,
also whoever invent kinitic handling courses (not bitter, just twisted)
daft twonks who reply to chain letters,
the poor sods who think londons streets really are paved with gold,
whoever dissallowed police dogs from biting as a reward... i mean, come one, you find the nasty oik and you just get a pat on the head. not fair,
and most of what everyone else has said, following in an orderly line baaing loudly.

**Cait** · 24-06-2004, 23:23

I think you're nearing Australia with this pit Bernoulli!

:D

**hibby** · 25-06-2004, 01:01

OK i havent got time to read through all the clag so if im duplicating anything...... i dont give a frug
Swiss frugging grocers pretending to be refs

makers of cookoo clocks
any one who ever eats toblar sodding rone again
shop owners that sell swiss cheese
The swiss family Robbinson
people with white crosses on there flags
Any Taff ,Jock, Paddy that say's ANYTHING TO ME IN WORK IN THE MORRNING

**Seadog** · 25-06-2004, 01:16

Anyone who makes emotional posts based on the significant but inconsequential defeat of some demonstrably homosexual, overpaid men in a ball kicking contest.