ARmy Rumour SErvice

Kin hell N_D, she's a caution an' no mistake.

After watching an episode of Criminal Minds in which a man and wife were abducting children and keeping them as slaves locked away for years the bird said......

"Do you think they would of been home taught?"

Me: How d'ya mean?

Her: Well they probably didn't let them go to school so I think they would of done lessons with them where they kept them.

Me: Are you taking the piss?

Her: No but that's what they should do!

Me: People who abduct kids should teach them education as opposed to not abducting them at all?

Her: Erm....

What a gormless cow!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by codbutt

My (Russian) mother in law actually -
last week her flat caught fire while she was out.
So what did she do after, when she discovered the wreck? Tell us?
No! She just went f*cking AWOL all week, left a garbled message on the answerphone to say she'd lost all her phones, and my wife only found out today when she went round there and noticed two skips in front of the building full of charred rubbish.
We'd have found out sooner if she'd died in the blaze.
I'm not too surprised at her reaction actually. We were in Pukhet when the tsunami happened. We phoned up to let her know we weren't feeding the sharks, and there was no reaction at all from her. Meanwhile, my old dear in UK was going nuts.

Phucket, eh?

Originally Posted by Mr_Deputy

Originally Posted by fluffybunny1980

This was the daughter who is in danger of becoming as bone as her dad

Mum can you pick me up from athletics

Me, where are you

she says i dont know im lost

wel how the feck am i supposed to pick you up aaarrgh!

It's like when she/someone is meeting you and calls you on their mobile and says :

Dumass: "I'm heeere!"
Me: "Great. In the (place we agreed)? "
Dumass: "No......." (no further information)
Me : (sigh and mental grimace) ..........................................
.................................................. ......................................
Me: OK...where are you then?
Dumass : "ummmmmmmm I cant see you"
Me : "I know...I'm where we agreed to meet...how about you get to the place we agreed to meet at?"
etc etc

Mr D - you aren't married to my wife as well are you? In the supermarket and losing will to live, so I tear the shopping list in half, give her half and say "I'll meet you at the fresh fish counter, roger so far?" OK and off we toddle to fill our halves of the shopping run.

I return to the fish counter. Wait... Wait...... Fed up now, where is the dozy bint (sorry Dozy!)? Mobile, "Where are you? Why are you there and not at the agreed meeting point? You thought I would take longer to get my half of the shopping so you went to where I was, not where we agreed to be? OK (counts to ten) DO NOT MOVE. I'll be there in 60 seconds."

Is it any wonder they live seven years longer than us?

Originally Posted by eodmatt

Originally Posted by codbutt

My (Russian) mother in law actually -
last week her flat caught fire while she was out.
So what did she do after, when she discovered the wreck? Tell us?
No! She just went f*cking AWOL all week, left a garbled message on the answerphone to say she'd lost all her phones, and my wife only found out today when she went round there and noticed two skips in front of the building full of charred rubbish.
We'd have found out sooner if she'd died in the blaze.
I'm not too surprised at her reaction actually. We were in Pukhet when the tsunami happened. We phoned up to let her know we weren't feeding the sharks, and there was no reaction at all from her. Meanwhile, my old dear in UK was going nuts.

Phucket, eh?

Pronunciation is everything Matt.
:D

Originally Posted by Cutaway

Originally Posted by eodmatt

Originally Posted by codbutt

My (Russian) mother in law actually -
last week her flat caught fire while she was out.
So what did she do after, when she discovered the wreck? Tell us?
No! She just went f*cking AWOL all week, left a garbled message on the answerphone to say she'd lost all her phones, and my wife only found out today when she went round there and noticed two skips in front of the building full of charred rubbish.
We'd have found out sooner if she'd died in the blaze.
I'm not too surprised at her reaction actually. We were in Pukhet when the tsunami happened. We phoned up to let her know we weren't feeding the sharks, and there was no reaction at all from her. Meanwhile, my old dear in UK was going nuts.

Phucket, eh?

Pronunciation is everything Matt.
:D

Indeed it is.

Last year I was passing through Bangkok with LBFM - she isn't a Thai - on a 2 day stopover whilst en-route to elsewhere. We stayed at the Amari apartment hotel near Nana Plaza (not a bad hotel that) and being "self catering" we went into a supermarket on the other side of Sukhumvit to stock up on supplies. LBFM's oral skills are superb although her English is not brilliant. So when I asked her to get half a dozen cans of diet coke and her not being able to find any on the shelves, she approached a couple of Thai lady assistants and asked: "Do you have any diet cok". To which one of the Thai ladies replied in good English with a grin "It's all diet if you don't swallow".

Originally Posted by CRmeansCeilingReached

a couple of days ago, my missus asked me how you use a fire axe to put out fires...

Fecking Classic!!!!

Not sure how coffee over keyboard works,but worth every drop!

Frau Sludge walked in the living room and clocked an elephant climbing a tree on the tv , and enquired is that Chester zoo . I looked at her she looked at the tv then realised its an advert for LG Televisions . I could not resist taking the piss saying haven't you seen them nesting in the trees when we drive past the zoo. . Got swore at .