ARmy Rumour SErvice

**lost_ulsterman** · 03-08-2008, 23:10

Apparently Morroco is somewhere near South America.
And Guernsey is in the Carribean.

Obviously my years of education and common sense got laughed at when i argued.

**CRmeansCeilingReached** · 04-08-2008, 04:55

one of my exes started seeing a scaley. he told her he was going to bosnia. she thought it was in south america...

**Crunchie** · 09-08-2008, 19:51

Me mutha has bad knees, can hardly walk, so 'wife of' and me popped around to see her.

Mutha was telling me all about the pain in her knees but the doctor had given her a strap on which she found much more comfortable and my dad prefered her to wear the strap on than use her walking stick....i was choking to death on me coffee.....wife was looking at me blank, till i explained to her on the way home.

Also sat on me motorbike in Tesco's garage watching a woman in front go to top up her expansion tank with water from the machine, clever girl i thought, she squeezes the trigger, no water comes out....so yes you guessed it she points water nozzle at her face to look at it and pulls trigger again and promptly soaks herself, i pissed meself laughing and nearly fell off me bike, she laughed too bless her

**bloodforblood** · 09-08-2008, 20:10

Myself and the better half sat down to watch a film a few years ago. The Warner brothers studio logo came up....... she pipes up "I've seen this one before"

**Joe_Private** · 09-08-2008, 20:20

Originally Posted by hallveg

My good lady just did a good un.

Talking about the best place to hide things she piped up with,

"well they say that the best place to hide an elephant is right infront of you"

??????

"I'm sure I would notice an elephant", says I,
"nope", says she, "that's what they say".

Im not sure who they are but there not that bright.

If we were standing behind you, then a good place to hide the elephant from us would be in front of you!

**maxixe_97** · 11-08-2008, 10:35

My missus discussing her upcoming trip to Hawaii with her mother:

"Will we need Hawaiian money?"

As soon as the words hit the air she realised, bless her.

**Drummer_Boy** · 11-08-2008, 11:11

Down at travel agents yesterday, booking fun in the sun.

Trying to work out where to go, I say 'How about Malta, it's got the advantage that they drive on the left hand side of the road.'

To which my missus pipes up 'No, they drive ont he same side as us.'!!!

Cue me pissing sides, and dozy MyTravel bint agreeing with my missus, which meant I had to leave the room, as I was disturbing other customers by laughing so loud!

**Pit_Bull** · 11-08-2008, 12:20

Was sat in the office a couple of years back, conversation about Easter comes up. 23yr old girl sat opposite asks why the date changes each year and is not fixed like other celebrations.

Colleague: It's to do with the spring equinox, when the sun will spend equal number of hours above and below the horizon. There is a spring equinox and an autumnal equinox.

Girl: Really? So why aren't there two Easters?

Straight up. Gods honest. We did laugh. She's a qualified chartered accountant now.

**CraftyJay** · 11-08-2008, 12:26

Brought my ex over to Germany for the weekend and was horrified when I pointed out something on the left of us to hear her utter the immortal line "is that the same as british left" ffs I nearly had a heart attack

**EX_STAB** · 11-08-2008, 12:44

Came home and presented Mrs. Ex_Stab with a box of freshly plucked and prepared wood pigeon, about a dozen of them. They went into the fridge and we decided to go for a pint. On stepping out of the house Mrs. ES:

What have you been doing, you've got little feathers all over you?