ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by SocialL109

Been chuckling to myself all day reading this lot.

Here's a couple more for you:

Zero Alpha on driving past an Esso garage with a 40 foot inflatable tiger on the roof. "Ooh look at the size of that elephant!" Nearly drove off the side of a ravine with tears in my eyes.

Female client in Baghdad: "Do they grow real Christmas trees here?" This one isn't blond, and has a degree or three as well and used to be a journo.

Zero Alpha on driving up the M4 to towards Cardiff on her first visit to Wales. "ooh look there's another town called Gwsynythau, we passed one earlier on!"
"That means Services you dizzy cow, it says it in English underneath!" says I in disbelief. Que radio silence for the rest of the trip.
Best bit was I found out later she had brought her passport with her just in case.

A few years back I was sorting out the brakes on the car and needed a hand to bleed them, failing to find someone with some common I roped the missus in. Seeing as she didn't have a clue what I was doing I gave her the easy job, ie sit in the drivers seat and pump the brake pedal.
After 5 minutes of frantic pumping on the pedal no brake fliud was coming through the hose, so I shouted from underneath "you are pressing the brake pedal aren't you? Its the one in the middle!", "Of course I am, I'm not stupid!" says She. There was a pause the sound of a different pedal being pressed followed by brake fluid spraying out of the hose. She had been merrily pressing the accelerator the whole time, and yes she does have a licence.
The engine wouldn't start for hours it was that flooded.

Apparently, a common affliction for teenage boys as well...

I was trying to bleed the brakes on my manual transmission equipped Jetta. Since I also needed a hand, I enlisted the help of my 17 year-old step son and gave him the job of pumping the brake pedal. After five minutes of this, with no fluid coming out, I asked if he was pressing the right pedal? I got up to look and discovered he had been merrily pumping away at the clutch pedal. Once I got him sorted...the job went off without any further incident.

Three days to read this entire thread, start to finish. Quality read.

Last weekend I had just been flicking through the news on the internet and I told the Kremlin that Neil Armstrong had died.

She looked up and said "Oh, that's a shame, is it because he killed himself after all the drugs allegations and the stripping of his Tour De France titles?"

"No, that's Lance Armstrong you nugget" I replied, "Neil Armstrong was the firs........."

"Ooh, ooh, dont' tell me, I know, wasn't he the guy that went into space with that Buzz Lightyear fella?"

"FFS!" I just held my head in my hand.

Mine is Dutch and blonde need I say more lol

pics please

Originally Posted by Infiltrator

Last weekend I had just been flicking through the news on the internet and I told the Kremlin that Neil Armstrong had died.

She looked up and said "Oh, that's a shame, is it because he killed himself after all the drugs allegations and the stripping of his Tour De France titles?"

"No, that's Lance Armstrong you nugget" I replied, "Neil Armstrong was the firs........."

"Ooh, ooh, dont' tell me, I know, wasn't he the guy that went into space with that Buzz Lightyear fella?"

"FFS!" I just held my head in my hand.

how much of that anecdote is actually true..?

Originally Posted by Rifleman1965

Mine is Dutch and blonde need I say more lol

Yes, the usual "He is my partner and also my lover" would be boring and unimaginative and therefore standard fare for most posters.


Oh, and violently poke that 'lol' down your jap's eye with a 6.5 Grendel chamber reamer.

Originally Posted by sirbhp

pics please

Calm down Sirbhp if 1965 refers to the year of my birth,(also hers i don't think you want pics), unless you are a former Monkey therefore a grannychaser