Bumpy...

Just read for the first time :D :D :D

Love it!!
Damn portugal and there internet. :(

God Knows how many times I've read this but feck me I laugh myself daft(dafter) each time............... Shameless bump

Originally Posted by Auld_Sapper

Aye, he was the star turn that night, the only problem was that for the rest of thier tour, if I did'ny watch the fcukers, these Engineer cnuts would fire the wee t*at up and have him bopping all over the place at every oppertunity and he'd be no more inclinded to work that fly in the air afterwards. The remainer of the tour was puncuated with,
'WHO'S BEEN W*ANKING THE FACKING DOG AGAIN !!!!'
and,
'STOP MOLESTING THE FACKING HOUND YA PERVS !!!'

Facking Engineers ? Facking perverts !!

The dog ? He loved it. Facking tart !!!

Makes me pish myself every time I read it.

What an awsome read, bloody hilarious!! Auld_sapper your stories should definatly be published!

I read it whenever I need a lift, and the tears just stream down my cheeks...

Bump!

Litotes

Chuffing genius.

Given that any 20 year old 'celebrity' can publish their second installment of autobiography and still top the bestsellers list, it seems reasonable that these tails should be a roaring success. Kind of like a squaddie Marley and Me?

My first read, her indoors is convinced ive now reached the drooling stage with 2 wet t shirts!

Was a sprog in an inf bn in BAOR in the 70's. The company was volunteered to act as hunter force for a dutch special forces escape and evasion exercise. They where easy to find - just follow the smell of blow or edam and it was quids in.
The section commander that I had at the time was called bang, so named as when he went off on one he would explode. The veins on his head would stand out like ropes on a galleon his face would turn a puce colour - so it was light bluue touch paper and retire. Me and Bang never did see eye to eye and I was the lucky guy you see always with the Charlie G strapped onto his back and consigned to doing dixies whenever the opportunity arose and beleive me Bang ensured that I had apportunities.
Well onto the main course of the story. Attached to us at the time of this exercise was what could be best described as a bear trap wrapped up in bears clothing. This B52 bomber was to be used for sniffing out the cloggies if we received a confirmed sighting. We where acting as QRF in support of O.P.'s and after a serious amount of crash outs with the muttly in the vehicle with us (thank feck it was muzzled) which was fun and games as it just wanted to take a slice out of everyone - including the vehicle.
Well one night we where on standby and after a doing a serious amount of dixies I went to the tent to get my head down. Bang had told the lads to leave my kit on the back of the wagon - so off I went to get it. On reaching the landrover - I pulled back the canvas to get my kit and was met with one of the deepest growls that went deep to the pit of my stomach. Feck me the hound of hell was dossing in the back and even worse on top of my Bergen. So it was either a night under a cold wet sky - or feck it - I jumped in the front as this was separated by a hardboard with various amount of sigs kit screwed onto it. So although not in my schlaf sack I was dry and could lie across the seats.
Well at 0 feck hundred hours we get crashed out. Bang thinks I am dossing in the back of the rover - reaches in - grabs a head full of hair and bashes it about to the tune of "wake up you wenker"! Surprised - I dont know what took longer - stiching him up or the amount of time to clean the brown stuff out of his combats.
Later on that day I had a word with his handler and gave him some steak to feed the bear trap.

Great ideas from Dixie as well. Could include "Auld Sapper: The Egg Banjo Special Edition" and the "Spinning Rinty Action Toy with real howl sound effects. Press his spuds and watch him spin! (Batteries not included)

Originally Posted by Bundook

In praise of Stumpy,
,nothing finer than a good cross Labrador and "Lavvie door to set the pulses racing.
.

I haven't heard that phrase for many a year, my old Dad used to call my Mutt that " a cross between a Labrador and a Lavatory door"

just found this post today, six pages in and still reading, well done Auld Sapper

edited for brain being elsewhere