The Why?

Nice person, generally a good mate. Beware, however, if you accidently let slip that you sort of maybe might possibly have a vague idea of what you're supposed to be doing. From now on, your life will be filled with constant echos as everytime the DS says something, you will have to explain it all again to your mate, who will then endevour to turn into What if?

The What If?

Sometimes the sequel to Why?, this person will attempt clarification on any point made by asking endless hypothetical questions that bear no relevance. "But, Sir, what if the car were to explode...or be a light shade of blue...or be uninsured..." :D

The Fluffy Bird

Has many of the same attributes of previous posts - excessive use of highlighters and a black belt in note taking but this one does little circles or hearts instead of dots on the i's. She falls in love with the DS cos he is 'marvelous and handsome' and even practises writing her first name and his surname. She will give you a description of every mutual friend/acquaintence or colleague but gives them all positive comments as she likes everyone. This girl wouldn't even slag off Galloway. She goes to the bar almost every night but never stays more than an hour and a half and only ever has two drinks (cos she knows that she is easy and dirty when pissed). She spends every break on the military phone catching up with her army chums. Gets a very average grade and a shite posting but doesn't mind because it suits her geographically. Why, oh why did you bother joining the army love? Couldn't you have just gone speed dating and saved yourself the bother of a year at Sandhurst.

The One-Who-Does-Everyones-Work

A not so closet thruster, but nice about it and not out to jack anyone. The 'One' gets mildly frustrated by the rest of the syndicate's lack of interest, urgency, knowledge and experience. Tries its best to let leaderless tasks remain leaderless but inevitably takes charge. Leader led tasks are delegated to the 'One' with the leader asking what the plan/solution is at the end so as not to come a cropper in front of the DS. Rest of the syndicate is content with mediocrity but not the 'One'. The 'One' takes on everyone else's work as soon as they have written their name on the top of the paper. Syndicate not bothered. Feel that maybe they should assist the 'One' but don't because it would mean less time at the bar. Whenever course director comes to visit, DS gets the 'One' to start talking. Course director leaves very impressed. The 'One' spends NAAFI breaks on phone sorting out soldiers' G1 and planning Squadron's future exercise (the OTX in Canada that will be led by the 'One's' succesor in eleven months' time). At the end of the course the 'One' has photocopied all the highly detailed notes it has taken and handed them out to the syndicate along with a CD of all the written work the 'One' has ever produced since joining the army.

The irritating pompous arse who asks fcuking banal, bum licking, half wit questions to anyone senior to him. And why are they generally half-baked jock thrusters?

The little shit who gets through the course by copying his mate in the corner, who doesn't want to explain to the DS that he has more chance of changing the sex of the casualty than saving their life with that bandage. Realises he may need to use these skills one day and so asks his eleven-year-old daughter when she gets home from St John's what comes after DR AB

Originally Posted by primroseandblue

Here's another: The fabricator.

No, not some REME bloke who bashes metal around. This guy is a cross between the walt and the shagger. Tells everyone he is "over the water, in the hanger". Never eleborates about what he actually does but turns up minus loads of kit because "we don't use it over there". Smoothes in on the ladies and gives the impression he is Andy McNabb. If you ever get a lift with this guy he will leave the camp gates at 150 mph and will not be wearing his seatbelt as "you never know do you." The DS do nothing to trip up this guy as he may well be from "the hanger" and are exasperated by his appearence at the passing out parade dressed in borrowed no2 trousers with a c95 shirt and jumper all topped off by a peak cap. The inspecting officer nearly jumps out of his sam browne upon looking at this idiot but quicky moves on after some hurried whispering from the DS. Gets an average pass and bones most of the course wenches giving them chlamydia. Further enquiries reveal he was the ration storeman from JCUNI.

You actually still bump into muppets like these in civvie street!
We had one on a CP job last year. Whenever asked what he used to do in the military he would come up with some open ended answer such as "I can't really say" or "I was in N.Ireland".
Eventually he actually got cornered by one of the lads whilst off duty, and confessed that he used to work in the Sneaky Beaky arena of N.I.
What he didn't realise was the bloke stood listening over his shoulder had strong ties to the very people he was talking about!!!
And so, after one quick phone call to his buddies, he was able to find out that the Walter Mitty type was in actual fact a clerk with the support elements for a short while, and nothing more!!!
Cue public humiliation in front of both teams (including the security manager!) and a certain walt lasting only two more days before making his excuses and leaving the job!!!
Lesson to be learnt?... There's always going to be somebody who knows someone else!!! It's not that big a community, so if you bulls***t you'll get caught out!!! Especially in the C.P game... :D :D

How about those irritating little sh1ts who still use acetates AND a ruler to write in straight lines with. Drives me soddin mad.

Not sure if this guy has been mentioned yet.

The Bastaard.

This guy seems like a normal everyday bloke, takes part in all activities, never pushy or too grey. Goes to the bar with everyone else, doesn't overdo the learning or question asking just a normal bloke on a course like everyone else.

Except for when the end of course exam/tasking whatever. He then gets 100% in every written test, or does the task perfectly as per the course book. Never makes a mistake, normally passes as the top student by a mile, and then has the nerve to say "Ah I was lucky".

B*stard, b*stard, bast*rd.... and it's too late to run him over or cave his eyebrows in because by that time everyone's dispersed. Been there.

I've just run a course for my company (civvy) and met some of the above types. One which hasn't been mentioned yet is the 'mouse', a female, whose eyes are firmly fixed on her folded hands throughout the course; whose answers are whispered and hesitant but usually correct, and whose pals surround her as armour against the outside world, against which she is clearly unequal. She's nice but probably not up to the stress, but, oh, well, give her a chance.

Following the course, she turns out to be the most ruthless and unpitying operator of all, happiest when crushing the nuts (figuratively) of the opposiiton, and terrifying her pals. Scary.

The dim nerd. An annoying hybrid. The one who asks the 'Roger Irrelevant' questions during every lecture, but to show his knowledge, not to find out an educational snippet..... but who's unfortunately wrong, and no matter how often the DS corrects him just won't 'take it'. The one at whom, eventually, the DS loses his nut as he shouts 'because it does, alright, just because it fcuking does, and because I'm a Captain and you're a fcuking L/Cpl you little sh it!' and then has to go away and calm down for a few moments, breathing heavily and sweating. Meanwhile socially unaware dim nerd, after carefully parting his hair again aka Adolf Hitler, and arranging his pens in his shirt pocket, has been busy preparing more questions that, if only he'd learned from last time, are going to result in one of the lads filling him in and getting binned from the course with career ruin, while nerd sails on regardless.

Step forward 'Macker'. Mortar Div knows who you are....