"OK, honey, but when we get home you're going to return the compliment."

Wallis you are such a filthy kingsize wag what ever will become of you ?

Bob Ainsworth claims to have discovered proof that he was an RSM in a previous life.

"Oh, Doris, do stop wobbling dear."

"I can't help it. It's that special saddle the Headmaster fitted for me."

As a member of the Health and Fitness League his father learnt physical culture and ju jitsu achieving 10th Dan black pants. Study of this rare picture of Shortt senior reveals that there is a tiny abnormality in the jeans.

And the next lot is a heavy duty toilet roll holder. Sergei has not mastered the concept of detaching the used sheets and disposing of same. Hence his understandable use of the arms length presentation.

I introduce Sergei your miserable local publican and in the background one of his long suffering bar belles.

And now for Sergie Pam-Ayres latest rhyming rendition

"Oooo has nicked me trousers

And oooo has nicked me shirt

If it's those thieving Scousers

I'll see the feckers urt"

There's t'electro-magnet in t'ceiling

A lump t'iron in me hand

As a Yorkshire lad I'm feeling

Switch t'off ud be fooking grand


I goot up t'early morning

And fooked while bacon fried

Then didn't heed t'warning

Not to pick oop iron inside


So I Picked oop iron inside

Whilst magnet was switched on

Iron int hand thus magnetized

And I stayed rooted here upon


When thee all stop thy glee

At my current situation

Coulds't thee switch it off for me

To allow my urgent extrication

"Oh, Doris, I've never come this way before."

"It must be the cobbles ."[/quote]