ARmy Rumour SErvice

**marco_poloroid** · 19-02-2008, 17:24

A certain WPC out on patrol sees a 16th C church just off the ringroad. "Fancy building a church right next to a bloody road "says she...

**Detmold_Drunk** · 19-02-2008, 17:44

Had a very large abcess in my armpit.Doctor says,whats your pain threshold like?,me (well hard).Pretty good ..AAGGHH wrong answer!

**Trunnion-Tilt** · 19-02-2008, 18:58

Charge bags, I'll show you how to burn fcuking charge bags. Fcuking hell, thats hot, move that Bedford a bit further back!"

**Wonk_Mog** · 19-02-2008, 23:35

A good way to test for brake fluid is to smear some in your eyes, if it stings like fukc and you need to get down the med centre then it is the gen article. OX8 I think it was, someone actually tried it.

**cernunnos** · 20-02-2008, 06:18

Originally Posted by Trunnion-Tilt

Charge bags, I'll show you how to burn fcuking charge bags. Fcuking hell, thats hot, move that Bedford a bit further back!"

Were you by any chance at 49 Fd Regt in the mid 80's?

"What's the BSM up too?"

"He's preparing to burn the unused cordite!"

" I hope he wait until we leave the point, that's a bit close!"

WHUUUMMPPPP!!!FLEEUUUUFFFF!!!!!!AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH !!!!!!

Later

OC WKSP (Darth Vader for it was he) "Cpl Cernunnos why is your Bedford pink and scaley!"

Me "The BSM decided to burn cordite next to it at the last location Sir! We drove it off just as the canopy and tires were starting to catch!"

OC WKSP "Oh, tell the BSM I'd like a word with himand get me one of those NM&D forms would you?"

**wayner1970** · 20-02-2008, 07:09

Just before moving to Cyprus the following conversation took place.

Me to wifes sister: We are two hours ahead in Cyprus so the football in UK will start at 1700 our time and not 1500 on a Saturday.

Blonde Wife to her sister: Ooh dont phone Wayner1970 up and let him know the scores before its on in Cyprus will you.

Duh!

**stripeyretired** · 20-02-2008, 17:43

Very ashamed of These:
----------------------------

1) Whilst bored in Blue beret camp, Nicosia , Cyprus
( you remember....the really hot one where you can't take the green, army jersey off , nor the desert wellies, or the massive blue beret with the huge badge off, even in hot summer, grrrrr)

We decided , having a caught a big Lizard thing on the wall outside, after a few beers, that we would tie it to the ceiling fan, well, my mate Frank did, not me, honest, not me...also gulity, "Simon". Micky Bull, Steve Rogers, and Blackie. UN Base, Cyprus, Irish Hussars, about 1977/1978.

Also, are you the "last Stag", Irish Hussar, that lit the American Burners, in out location, all those years ago? I heard a loud "PHUD", a scream, and saw a frantic shadow run past the tent towards the stream. I remember it well. But I admit with shame that I also rolled over and had another half hour. Sorry mate.

2) My mate, having bagged a local posh sort, a lovely oriental lady with property everywhere, big house, friends in Show Biz, my mucka was feeling rather pleased with himself. She was gaggin for it, he says, and she often turrned up at his Gaff at all times of the day and night, for a servicing. Little did he know, until I found the tell tale signs, that she'd been bugging him with a nanny-cam planted in one of his pictures, and tracking him round town on his mobile. her son-in-law was also a Copper....and she "needed to feel safe".
Be Careful who you let into your gaff eh?

I asked him..."anything you should be ashamed of or something you said or did, whilst you thought you were "alone"?

Zapped: watching porno and helping himself
Zapped: air guitar to Thin Lizzy and other suitable rock tracks
Zapped: having a bird "for pudding" over the dining table
and zapped: shouting and swearing at the TV on saturdays,
and during the Rugby World Cup

Coming soon (maybe) to a YouTube screen, near you.