I am going to provide a more charitable reading of this situation...
[hr]
1. We got divorced about 6 months ago but decided to give it another go after the decre absolut came thru.
2. Reason for initial separation was my being away/her feeling neglected/too much pishing up by me (all fair ones).
3. Reason for divorce was I found out she'd been having "text sex" with another copper (she's a rozzer too). After initial WTF???? and row I agreed not to site him in the divorce. All quite amicable.
4. After we get back together she asks if she can keep seeing him "as a friend". I say ok. Then I discover more texts asking her to marry him/he loves her etc etc.
5. He stays over at my gaff when Im away, they take our daughter to Alton Towers, she phones him every day etc etc.
6. She lies about all of this "so as not to upset me whilst I'm at work". Cheers.

However,
1. We still sleep in the same bed (when I'm home).
2. She says she still loves me and wants us to be a couple.
3. She is seeing a Relate counsellor to try to sort out her issues and has booked us both in for when I'm back on leave.

[hr]

It seems as if you and your ex are both having problems adjusting to life post-divorce.

It's almost as if you both want to make the break but can't quite face going through with it. On the one hand, she is being unfaithful to you, as even if she is not actually shagging him she is certainly enjoying all of the other benefits of an illicit romance. On the other, you are clinging onto the hope that the situation can be salvaged, even though it seems clear that it is beyond repair.

Two possible motives for your ex's behaviour:

1) you seem keen not to lose her and she is testing you to see how much she can get away with.

2) she is genuinely morally disoriented in the immediate post-divorce scenario and is kidding herself that she's not doing anything wrong.

Take your pick![hr]

Originally Posted by FluffyBunny

Keep shagging her, and find another bird as well. Don't let the ex-Mrs know about the other girl though.

Make sure the other girl has a non-lethal but embarrasing STD (chlamydia is always a good bet), pick up the dose and pass it on to your Mrs.

She'll then pass it on to the copper, and after a few weeks you can tell her you've got it, and must have had it from her as yopu have stayed true.

She'll go ape at him, not you, as you are a known good lad whereas he's the sort of bloke who'd shag another man's wife whilst he's abroad, thus not to be trusted.

Could be a very efficient result if you plan it properly.

Copper gets the boot.
Ex-Mrs feels sorry for infecting you, so comes back to the marital bed.
You get your end away with some young bird and are yet still in the clear.

I always thought that you were a mincey old cunt, but that is fucking genius. :D

Originally Posted by Jeanne_d_Arc

I am going to provide a more charitable reading of this situation...
[hr]
1. We got divorced about 6 months ago but decided to give it another go after the decre absolut came thru.
2. Reason for initial separation was my being away/her feeling neglected/too much pishing up by me (all fair ones).
3. Reason for divorce was I found out she'd been having "text sex" with another copper (she's a rozzer too). After initial WTF???? and row I agreed not to site him in the divorce. All quite amicable.
4. After we get back together she asks if she can keep seeing him "as a friend". I say ok. Then I discover more texts asking her to marry him/he loves her etc etc.
5. He stays over at my gaff when Im away, they take our daughter to Alton Towers, she phones him every day etc etc.
6. She lies about all of this "so as not to upset me whilst I'm at work". Cheers.

However,
1. We still sleep in the same bed (when I'm home).
2. She says she still loves me and wants us to be a couple.
3. She is seeing a Relate counsellor to try to sort out her issues and has booked us both in for when I'm back on leave.

[hr]

It seems as if you and your ex are both having problems adjusting to life post-divorce.

It's almost as if you both want to make the break but can't quite face going through with it. On the one hand, she is being unfaithful to you, as even if she is not actually shagging him she is certainly enjoying all of the other benefits of an illicit romance. On the other, you are clinging onto the hope that the situation can be salvaged, even though it seems clear that it is beyond repair.

Two possible motives for your ex's behaviour:

1) you seem keen not to lose her and she is testing you to see how much she can get away with.

2) she is genuinely morally disoriented in the immediate post-divorce scenario and is kidding herself that she's not doing anything wrong.

Take your pick![hr]

Now that is the best advice I have heard here, or any where else for that matter. Are you a woman by any chance? The names here can be a bit misleading.

Thanks, SK and yes, I am a woman.

Originally Posted by Jeanne_d_Arc

Thanks, SK and yes, I am a woman.

Do you fancy a go on my knob?

I feel for you mate, bin her and get on with life. Whatevr time off you have, spend with the sprog and do your upmost not to let her down, like not picking her up to go out when you said, yadda yadda yah.

As for the filth, walk away, revenge is best served cold.

All the best.

Get a couple of the lads to pop round, pack up your kit while you're attending to your commitment and get the FCUK out.

She's said she'd give it a go (meaning give you and the marriage another try, not this other bstrd). So that means, she should have given him the heave ho, no calls, txts, emails. etc.

And for the bstrd himself, he needs a right kicking. Going after the bird of someone who's serving is just low. Bleeding well wait until she's divorced AND moved out before sniffing around.

EDIT Add - if you've got a few mates who drive Challys, get some chains, tow hooks and take the cnut sniffing bugger for a drag!

On the surface it looks grim i agree......but it is just possible that, despite the lies told so far she really may be genuine about still loving you and wanting to be a couple........and is confused and "infatuated" with someone who has been "in her face" with affection and romance, and been swept along with it. Otherwise why bother with the relate sessions she has organised?.
(You are already divorced and know about this affair for goodness sake, she doesnt have to use it to "let you down gently")
If you share a bed still when you are home, you obviously dont hate eachother. But then it does appear she has been living the single lifestyle while you have been away, despite you both having agreed to give it a go.
I do think it unlikely that they havent slept together....text sex is one thing....and if with a stranger then is virtually laughable, but this is not a stranger, its someone she spends time with regularly.....i think its difficult to have played those games and then be face to face without taking it further. However it is possible that they havent. unless you have proof you just dont know.
I just think you should resrve judgemnet until you have been to relate together.
I think its highly unlikely (considering she has a secure job, has a potential new partner in the wings and the knowledge that you will always provide for your daughter) that she is staying with you for motives of security or to benefit financially, therefore WHY???? has she shown willing to try again with you........ unless she really does love you.
i believe you should, despite the lies about the situation with this chap, go into the session with the counsellors with an open mind and ready to hear what she has to say. You have a long history together, that counts for something, and you have a wonderful daughter together.....be open minded about what the future may hold. Its still possible to do so while maintaining your dignity and self respect, though i would say your gut instincts should be followed if you feel after the session she is indeed trying to have her cake and eat it. Just hear her out first. If she loves and respects you enough to make the relationship work again she will find the wherewithall to not see this chap anymore, and you will need the reassurance when you are away that they have nothing to do with eachother. If she cant offer that i think she is being unfair to you and you really should call it a day for your own wellbeing.

Have you ever phoned and asked to speak to her, only to have your daughter reply "She's in the laundry draining the copper"?

I came home one weekend from minden to find my missus cavorting with a few lads from the local football team,i cited all thier names in the divorce so the wifes family all knew and all her mates ,the only time i saw her after that was at the divorce hearing, its not easy mate but walk away and rebuild your life, i married again to an ex signalls lass and we now have 5 kids .

And before anyone says nything YES we do have a television