ARmy Rumour SErvice

**Cloggie** · 03-06-2012, 19:54

Originally Posted by Kaye

* No Teeth *!!!

That's why the best blowjobs are given by the smackhead heroine prostimatutes behind the Central Station in Amsterdam...

Personal experience or just from hearsay ?

**jumpinjarhead** · 03-06-2012, 20:42

Originally Posted by Krazy_Ivan

Sir, thank you for your kind response.

If I get myself booked into the field hospital tonight, can I also have the spine removal operation (I understand this is also a requirement for staff appointments)? I believe this will save time in the future as I will require one less hospital appointment to make me eligible for future promotion.

K_I

My dear fellow, your initiative is admirable but unnecessary in this instance in that the modern procedure is to implant Velcro along your spine so that it can be readily removed when assigned to the staff but quickly reinserted if you should be fortunate enough to be returned to field ops.

Remember however after your lobotomy you must delegate real decision-making to your CSM or in extremis to your batman.

**blue-sophist** · 03-06-2012, 20:49

<ahem> …. a few points of clarification, Sir.

1. About my GBFO medal to go with the other ones the US Military kindly gave me?

2. Subsequently, of course, your first star. Just thought I'd mention that in passing.

3. Should our Comms guy be a CPT or a MAJ? Your call - he's whining a bit, but we haven't got a MAJ, so you could ding him for all sorts of extra responsibilities.

Over …

[PS - I'm smoking a good American cigarette here, purchased in VA. Not that anything like that would influence you.]

**jumpinjarhead** · 03-06-2012, 20:55

Originally Posted by blue-sophist

<ahem> …. a few points of clarification, Sir.

1. About my GBFO medal to go with the other ones the US Military kindly gave me?

2. Subsequently, of course, your first star. Just thought I'd mention that in passing.

3. Should our Comms guy be a CPT or a MAJ? Your call - he's whining a bit, but we haven't got a MAJ, so you could ding him for all sorts of extra responsibilities.

Over …

[PS - I'm smoking a good American cigarette here, purchased in VA. Not that anything like that would influence you.]

Oh all right! Have your shiny thing with the hangy down ribbon.

I already addressed the Brigadier issue--can you focus now you have your new gong back?

Since our CommO whines so much, major is the perfect rank.

**Kaye** · 03-06-2012, 20:57

Originally Posted by Cloggie

Personal experience or just from hearsay ?

Cloggie! Aye Mate, how are ye?

I've seen things... The horror, the horror....

I guess I'll take that lieutenantsy afterall. But I want a decent SNCO (Ratchett?) to handle any real work for me.

(BTW, JJH. Am I a leftennant or a loo-tennant?)

**blue-sophist** · 03-06-2012, 21:01

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Oh all right! Have your shiny thing with the hangy down ribbon.

I already addressed the Brigadier issue--can you focus now you have your new gong back?

Since our CommO whines so much, major is the perfect rank.

Shall be actioned in the documentation in the morning, General.

May I be the first to congratulate you on your substantive promotion?

**blue-sophist** · 03-06-2012, 21:05

Originally Posted by Kaye

I guess I'll take that lieutenantsy afterall. But I want a decent SNCO (Ratchett?) to handle any real work for me.

(BTW, JJH. Am I a leftennant or a loo-tennant?)

I think it should be Loot - Left could be seen as gauche.

See you in the O-Club: wear something foxy, so I can spot you easily

**mercurydancer** · 03-06-2012, 21:30

Originally Posted by DavidBOC

Nice uniform! With a clever opening for access to the Browning Hi Power they carry.

Although I always heard the main job of a chaplains aide was to ensure that gin, vermouth, olives and ice were on hand. At least according to a friend who used to be one.

Look, there are standards here on Arrse and I'm not having that. Its disgusting and degrading. This thread should be locked just for the suggestion of it. Ice in a dry martini? Have you no shame?

**Cloggie** · 03-06-2012, 21:39

Originally Posted by Kaye

Cloggie! Aye Mate, how are ye?

I've seen things... The horror, the horror....

I guess I'll take that lieutenantsy afterall. But I want a decent SNCO (Ratchett?) to handle any real work for me.

(BTW, JJH. Am I a leftennant or a loo-tennant?)

my guess would be a loo-tennant, you old toilet sniffer!

**TheIronDuke** · 03-06-2012, 23:21

Originally Posted by Civvy Scum

No 2 Poltroon

TheIronDuke - Bin Man & Brass Collector

Ah, no. If you check the paperwork I think you will find it refers to Iron Duke Sanitation & Security (Nassau) BVD. A Public-Private Finance Initiative or PFI for short. Thus you may rest assured your bins will get emptied and your every communication will be monitored for your health and safety protection.

The funding for this ground breaking and world class initiative need not concern you since it is off balance sheet and we will receive our modest remuneration in fiat currency..

Thus you may continue to shoot the place up in the sure and certain knowledge your bins will get emptied.

We may from time to time require the sole and exclusive use of big aircraft to move your rubbish between south east Asia and Russia. This need not concern you.

Iron Duke Sanitation & Security (Nassau) BVD. Talking Care of the Detail so Real Men can Take Care of Peace.