ARmy Rumour SErvice

**DavidBOC** · 24-05-2012, 04:09

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Having had the benefit of serving on a ship of the line (not sail mind you) for 2 years with the Marine Security Detachment, I learned at the feet of the master--a CWO-4 who was the ship's Bosun and who had in 1972 44 years in the Navy.

His piece de resistance was trading the highly prized (only 1 in 4 was brass instead of steel) brass shells from the 6"/47 turret with "Susie Wong" who negotiated the deal from a bobbing sampan in the harbor at Hong Kong. Within a hour of the shells being transferred to a small fleet of other sampans, another fleet of them magically appeared with bamboo scaffolding and seemingly a million chinamen with rollers and hundreds of buckets of (strangely enough with US Navy labels) haze grey paint. The ship was entirely painted within an afternoon.

Bravo Zulu to that Bo'sun. Amazing. Clearly you learned from your experiences with him.

(note: the former wife did serve with a sailing ship. Not ships company but attached thereto)

**goatrutar** · 24-05-2012, 04:23

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Shhhhh....not so loud.

I think you would make a fine medical first responder with your knowledge of scalpels, ligatures, tape and such. How does that suit you old sport?

Make it battalion surgeon and we have a deal. Do I need my own hammer?

**jumpinjarhead** · 24-05-2012, 04:41

Originally Posted by goatrutar

Make it battalion surgeon and we have a deal. Do I need my own hammer?

Surgeon it is but you do realize that puts you on the dot for all those prostate exams. As for the hammer, of course you can bring all the tools of your MO, erm.... profession.

And in the Legion no one is homeless.

**DavidBOC** · 24-05-2012, 04:49

JJH -

Before you you invite someone (Fang Farrier ??) to be our dental officer could you ensure he or she can do implants. Quite pricey in the civilian world and I need a couple done.

Also, would you consider inviting Jarrod to be the nursing officer. He is a nurse, primarily a psychiatric nurse now but with our group that might be very helpful. I am sure he would volunteer to help the medical officer with prostate exams. I would not object unless I felt both of his hands on my shoulders.

**goatrutar** · 24-05-2012, 05:39

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Surgeon it is but you do realize that puts you on the dot for all those prostate exams. As for the hammer, of course you can bring all the tools of your MO, erm.... profession.

And in the Legion no one is homeless.

For prostate exams I assume you mean up the dot? Aside from that how hard could they be?

**Krazy_Ivan** · 24-05-2012, 06:06

JJH,

Any chance I can be the Regimental or Battalion Signals Officer? I was once in the Royal Signals, since leaving the Army all I've done is sit on my arse earning lots of money, primarily by doing very little work and shouting at Indians (dots not stripes). I think I am eminently qualified for this role as I do not 'fit in' with people, I know all the 'buzzwords' but do not actually understand them (that's what junior ranks are for). I can also blame any failings on 'Sporadic E', sunspot activity and bandwidth failings.

Other pertinent qualifications;
*-When I was 25 I could down a case of Guinness in under an hour (the legs didn't work too well afterwards though).
*-I completed my AACC so can easily kill rabbits & chickens, I worked with the Royal Marines for a bit too, so could also double as the naked roll-mat fighting instructor & I also have a complete set of women's clothing ranging from lingerie - formal gowns. Regarding the gowns if you need to borrow one and are under 6' tall you'll need to 'take them in a bit'.
*-I have a 4.4 litre Range Rover, so I could also help out with the recce-ing, I will however need to reclaim my fuel costs @ £1.20 per mile.
*-In addition I can hit a barn door with a shotgun from 10ft five out of ten times.

As I was medically discharged, I must be excused all PT (except battle PT) and I'll need every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon off for Rugby training & Sunday mornings for the matches.

xxx

K_I

**goatrutar** · 24-05-2012, 06:23

^. You have a 4.4 litre Range Rover? We'll always know where you are then. On the side of the road in a cloud of steam.

**jumpinjarhead** · 24-05-2012, 06:57

Originally Posted by Krazy_Ivan

JJH,

Any chance I can be the Regimental or Battalion Signals Officer? I was once in the Royal Signals, since leaving the Army all I've done is sit on my arse earning lots of money, primarily by doing very little work and shouting at Indians (dots not stripes). I think I am eminently qualified for this role as I do not 'fit in' with people, I know all the 'buzzwords' but do not actually understand them (that's what junior ranks are for). I can also blame any failings on 'Sporadic E', sunspot activity and bandwidth failings.

Other pertinent qualifications;
*-When I was 25 I could down a case of Guinness in under an hour (the legs didn't work too well afterwards though).
*-I completed my AACC so can easily kill rabbits & chickens, I worked with the Royal Marines for a bit too, so could also double as the naked roll-mat fighting instructor & I also have a complete set of women's clothing ranging from lingerie - formal gowns. Regarding the gowns if you need to borrow one and are under 6' tall you'll need to 'take them in a bit'.
*-I have a 4.4 litre Range Rover, so I could also help out with the recce-ing, I will however need to reclaim my fuel costs @ £1.20 per mile.
*-In addition I can hit a barn door with a shotgun from 10ft five out of ten times.

As I was medically discharged, I must be excused all PT (except battle PT) and I'll need every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon off for Rugby training & Sunday mornings for the matches.

xxx

K_I

Your dream is realized with such a CV! We especially need a SIGINT Officer to liaise with GCHQ--can you bring your Cone of Silence?

Thanks awfully for your offer of the RR but I am told by our MT Officer that it is just not on. Since NO ONE will be cleared high enough to know anything about you, your issues with PT and days off are no problem since no one can ask you anything, especially like "will you care to join us for exercise?" or " will you be in for work tomorrow?"