ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by DavidBOC

Enjoy your visit. When you return could you bring back a couple of boxes of Cohiba Habanas for the AFL officer's mess.

Thanking you in advance for your attention to this matter I remain, sir, etc

I will be happy to oblige but I think you should be aware of the following.

If I stand on the shoulders of the hooded guy I share my room with I can see into the officers mess. They have set up a small cigar factory next door and by that I mean the building is small, not that they are making small cigars or whiffs as they were once called. Anyway, the cigars are hand rolled by a very nubile lady and I was somewhat concerned to observe that she rolled them at the very top of her shapely and muscular thighs and I do mean at the very top. She has a strange way of adopting quality control checks as she pleasures herself with every cigar she rolls, I guess to check for firmness, she seems satisfied with this technique and I must admit, so do I, so much so that my hooded room mate who I stand on to watch these proceedings has requested for a new hood as the one he has is now a bit crusty. I felt you should know this as the taste and aroma of the said cigars may be affected in some way by her strange but satisfying quality control techniques. Please let me know if you wish to proceed with the order.

Herr Oberst,

I appreciate that the Unit is on block leave - but the Public Affairs internet monitoring software (NOCTURN) picked up this flyby reference to the Legion's annual Adventurous Training Exped in Bavaria
My experience of Oktoberfest....

Thinking ahead here - I need to brush up the defensive Lines To Take on the usual petty misdemeanours and minor scrapes which seem to occur during this deployment with monotonous regularity every year.

Grateful if your PA would confirm whether you will be attending Op Inebriated Eagle [Sept 22 - Oct 03] in person this year?

I understand the detailed Op-Ord can be found here, assuming Caporal Chef Karsozy's IT skills are as good as his boulangerie :

Oktoberfest-Calender 2012 | About the Oktoberfest | Oktoberfest.de - The Oktoberfest Website


I have the Honour to Remain Sir,

Lt Campbell, A
Legion PAO

Surely

Général de brigade

or

Brigadegeneral

The Lance is optional, but is jolly good for spearing natives at a safe distance.

Having had a small amount of experience of the French FL lobbing mortar bombs across the Chiffa Gorge, and annoying a lot of residents whilst ruining an extremely good restaurant with a marvellous view, may I suggest that the AFL should not be allowed to carry any dangerous weapons exept on Saturday afternoons, and then only with typed instructions for their use and authorising signatures from the General de brigade and our Colonel in Chief the Duchess of xxxxxxxxx .(censored for security reasons)

Dear Caporal HarPingWun, I'm not sure that carrying dangerous weapons was ever part of our esteemed L/BG's plan anyway. Such behaviour might suggest that the AFL was actually interesting in fighting someone.*



* Rape and Pillage would be carried out through the implication that violence is a serious possibility. Our numerous medals, awarded so generously by the CO, would indicate that we are dangerous. Anyone for a glass of milk? Miaow.

Originally Posted by blue-sophist

Dear Caporal HarPingWun, I'm not sure that carrying dangerous weapons was ever part of our esteemed L/BG's plan anyway. Such behaviour might suggest that the AFL was actually interesting in fighting someone.*



* Rape and Pillage would be carried out through the implication that violence is a serious possibility. Our numerous medals, awarded so generously by the CO, would indicate that we are dangerous. Anyone for a glass of milk? Miaow.

Erm....I have been "indisposed" due to a bit of bother involving unsuccessful negotiations with the head of Olympics security who had asked the AFL to assist in the security op. I soon realized however what a royal cock up the thing was so I decamped for a bit of a holiday at one of our many R&R locations. I am now back in the saddle so to speak and await what will no doubt be a glowing report of AFL exploits in my absence.

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Erm....I have been "indisposed" due to a bit of bother involving unsuccessful negotiations with the head of Olympics security who had asked the AFL to assist in the security op. I soon realized however what a royal cock up the thing was so I decamped for a bit of a holiday at one of our many R&R locations. I am now back in the saddle so to speak and await what will no doubt be a glowing report of AFL exploits in my absence.

Sorry the negotiations did not work out. Were we beaten out by that Irish Baron, Castleshirt or something like that. I was planning on volunteering my services gratis. I wanted first dibs on women's beach volleyball. Jarrod wanted to volunteer for men's diving.

No courts martial to report in your absence sir! I have been researching our procedure for courts martial for mutiny.



A procedure so quick as to be considered painless.

( I think the key element of our negotiating strategy may have been the simple request for accommodation for AFL personnel: it seems other less worldly bidders may have undercut us in settling for accommodation other than our preferred location )