ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by DavidBOC

Sir:

In drafting our regulations for dealing with desertion and similar offenses I have made provision for the use of flogging as one of the less severe punishments for desertion and mutiny. Given the proclivities of some of our members it is likely that they might be actually inspired to violate some of our regulations in order to ensure that they receive such punishment from Sluggie and/or Betty. While discussing regulations with my assigned scrivener he said "I would not want a blindfold but could they provide a ball gag". You understand the problem I am sure.

I was contemplating providing for mutineers to be "blown from a gun" given it's success in dealing with mutiny in the Raj but am not certain if any of our SNCO's have had chances to be familiar with the appropriate procedure to properly blow someone from a gun.

These regulations are still in draft form and I await your input.

Sir, I remain very respectfully, etc

Good points Judge. There are just too many decisions to make and it all makes me tired. I will take this up again after my nap. I would note, however, that any references to "blown" in connection with guns or otherwise is sailing a bit too close to the wind given the increased energy level it causes among the legionnaires. Best avoid such phraseology.

Originally Posted by blue-sophist

Are ball-gags cheap? That's all I need to know. If less than $7.50 each, get the QM a dozen. They must have some use, otherwise people wouldn't sell them.

Well using that logic we could say sheep get bought for various uses but I advise strongly against acquiring any lest it stir the loins of the legionnaires.

Still awaiting your guidance Sir.

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Well using that logic we could say sheep get bought for various uses but I advise strongly against acquiring any lest it stir the loins of the legionnaires.

Assiduously avoiding loin-stirring in future, Sir.

Should we have Betty shot at dawn on Saturday? I would note that a substitute would cost more - just mentioning that.

Originally Posted by Kromeriz

Still awaiting your guidance Sir.

Permission granted. NOw please let me get back to my nap lest I be cross later.

Originally Posted by blue-sophist

Assiduously avoiding loin-stirring in future, Sir.

Should we have Betty shot at dawn on Saturday? I would note that a substitute would cost more - just mentioning that.

Sir the Lance General The Baron etc:

DAWN!!! Many of us would not want to rise at such an early hour and make ourselves reasonably presentable for the ceremonial shooting.

Also, I feel that perhaps 40 lashes with the cat o nine tails would be sufficient. Back bare of course and lashed to a hatch grating. Of course this would require a bucket of salt water thrown on her every 10 lashes or so to ensure she stays conscious. Shooting seems to harsh and 40 lashes would be a kinder, gentler option. Perhaps I am too much of a humanitarian but that is how I feel.

Originally Posted by jumpinjarhead

Permission granted. NOw please let me get back to my nap lest I be cross later.

Who do we complain to about lack of leadership, inspiration, stirring speaches?

Let it fall to the non coms when the leadership break a leg - you fecking numpty, you know who you are, and and and the old boys are too tired to inspire the troops.

Surely, Tropper has invented a speech 10,000 years ago? Someone give us direction! Do we repel female boarders or not?

Originally Posted by Kromeriz

Who do we complain to about lack of leadership, inspiration, stirring speaches?

Let it fall to the non coms when the leadership break a leg - you fecking numpty, you know who you are, and and and the old boys are too tired to inspire the troops.

Surely, Tropper has invented a speech 10,000 years ago? Someone give us direction! Do we repel female boarders or not?

Do I detect the slightest bit of dissension in the ranks? Do I need to send the Adjutant over there to improve your discipline? Now, back to my nap (hint hint).

Originally Posted by Kromeriz

Who do we complain to about lack of leadership, inspiration, stirring speaches?

Let it fall to the non coms when the leadership break a leg - you fecking numpty, you know who you are, and and and the old boys are too tired to inspire the troops.

Surely, Tropper has invented a speech 10,000 years ago? Someone give us direction! Do we repel female boarders or not?

A bit unclear why you wish to repel females. Why you wish to repel females of course is your business. I am open minded and if your interest is ...erm...batting for the other team I will not be critical of your preference. I will not ask and you will not tell. If you are concerned about this you might want to visit with our nursing officer for advice and counsel.

If however the real issue is that you are repelling females without wishing to do so you might want to pop by the QM and ask him to issue you with some Wright's Soap. It may help.