ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by Chef

People spitting in the street, dirty bastards, and dropping litter! Why? Cunts!

And people in shops who can't say 'Please' or 'Thank you'. It is only common curtesy you wankers, it makes the day a little nicer for everyone.

Agreed, agreed, it,s a pity there are not more twisted fuckers like you and me around these days, there ought to be a law against it.

Originally Posted by Chef

And people in shops who can't say 'Please' or 'Thank you'. It is only common curtesy you wankers, it makes the day a little nicer for everyone.

And the twats that are so self important that they cant prize their fecking mobile away from their ear while they're being served by the unimpressed shop keeper. In fact, I think there was a shop that made the news for refusing to serve people that wouldn't end their oh-so-important calls.

Equally - there's a newsagent around the corner from my old gaff - and the woman was always gabbering away on the phone in Indian to the other shop just up the road - and you could never pay with card cos she was jamming the line with her idle gossip which I'm sure could have waited until the place closed a few hours later...

Originally Posted by h301593

Running out of petrol, shit drivers, drivers that proceed at less than the prescribed speed limit. The speed camera on this road is over 60, not 40 ypu CUNT!

Welcome to my world, every bloody day!

3) People who run out of petrol and snarl up the traffic. Statistics show that 46% of them take drugs.
4) People who gob off when I gob in the street.
5) Shop keepers who get snotty when I am making an important phone call whilst handing them money. You are a shop assistant honey. Drop the fucking attitude.
6) People who feel that Fife is an adequate beach holiday destination.

Am I allowed to pre-hate anyone on the A1(M) South tomorrow who gets in my way whilst they drive at 68.2mph? My car can go up to eleven, which is quite amazing considering the amount of shit and stuff in it.

I'll be the one in the green car singing to Motown, smerking a tab. Just get out of my way.

Breathing.

You know who you are or will recieve a PM shortly informing you that you have been shortlisted.

Originally Posted by The_Snail

...and stuff in it.

The stuff being:
MacDonalds detritus - burger wrappers, the paper off the straw and bits of a kid's toy.
A couple of hair scrunchies.
A half eaten biscuit.
The packet of fags you thought you'd lost.
Various cheap lighters - empty and full.
Annabel's number, but you can't remember who Annabel is.
Various Coppers and various coppers.
A bit of a Salford A-Z map.
Junk mail/male.
A spent battery.
A used air freshener shaped like a Christmas tree.
An old paperback that you never read.
Various sticky parking meter tickets from the Mall.
An unpaid parking ticket.
Some bloke.
Something mouldy.
Some black nasty en case d'urgence.
A Lillet.

Originally Posted by The_Snail

Am I allowed to pre-hate anyone on the A1(M) South tomorrow

On a bank holiday weekend and heading for the Scotch Corner Ring Of Hell? Jesus. Even my close family is on drugs. Was ever a man more beset?

7) People who buy a modest estate in Scotland and feel they have to talk Scotch to blend in with the locals. It is a lake. A loch is what you put on a door. 'Havering' is not a word unless you are one of the Proclaimers. Inveraray has four syllables. Inverur is not word. Lochgilphead, don't even go there. It is a shithole and the drive from Ardrishaig to Oban is hassle enough without losing the will to live. Jesus Christ, we subjugated them at Culloden then drove them off their lands because sheep made us more money. Let us not patronise the poor bastards?