ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by mercurydancer

I am a vegetationist. The only nutrition I need is from the olive in my dry martini.

That was close, glad you popped in the Martini bit or else another grey hair would have sprouted from my luxurious noggin. Carry on.

Originally Posted by CrashTestDummy

Do we have an E&D officer?

I'm not volunteering, like. All the ethnics and diversities can fuck off, but I will sit at the back of the E&D lectures and make snide comments whilst swigging from a hip flask.

E&D officer? Throw me the ball on that one. Ethnics and Depravity lectures with suitable audiovisual material will be conducted in the cinema on a twice weekly basis, commencing 21.00 hrs. In the interests of ethnic depravity we'll be examining material from all corners of the world. Friday nights will be reserved for the specialist German material and, this week, will be introduced by a short talk from the Padre with some personal recollections of an SM club in Frankfurt. Requests for particular genres to feature on future evenings will be taken into consideration. Snide comments, cries of "tits oot" and "shove it up her arse" are pretty much obligatory. Anybody caught depositing their population paste in anything other the available tissues or up/over one of the available fluffers will be obliged to get a round in for all present. On Sundays a suitable program will be broadcast via the base wifi system allowing for an element of reflection and self study.

OC E&D - FYI the Padre was amassed several 'arthouse' and 'cultural' films over the years. I imagine some will be of great educational merit to the younger members of the Regt. May I recommend that the MO is placed on stand by for any cases of exhaustion and the magic sponge is picked up from the mess prior to the showing (check with mess mgr to ensure Rugby is not on).

All I would ask that the floor is cleaned up prior to the Trg Maj's Swing into Shape presentation for the Garrison wives. BTW can anyone confirm he is actually qualified to run Swing into Shape as well as the Well Woman clinic?

All - My Next TEWT (Taking Exercise Without Trainers), will be held in the mess, and will explore the merits of speed drinking pints over steady consumption of shots in the post dinning out environment. All Senior Capts, and Maj's are expected to attend.

OC Sports Prevention

Originally Posted by netleyned

OC E&D - FYI the Padre was amassed several 'arthouse' and 'cultural' films over the years. I imagine some will be of great educational merit to the younger members of the Regt. May I recommend that the MO is placed on stand by for any cases of exhaustion and the magic sponge is picked up from the mess prior to the showing (check with mess mgr to ensure Rugby is not on).

All I would ask that the floor is cleaned up prior to the Trg Maj's Swing into Shape presentation for the Garrison wives. BTW can anyone confirm he is actually qualified to run Swing into Shape as well as the Well Woman clinic?

OC Sports Prevention

Rugby nights to take precedence.
The position of jizz-mopper has yet to be filled.
Rumours of the Padre's epic stash have been confirmed however a discreet viewing may be necessary to determine its suitability for the younger members of the Regt. First indications are that it plumbs new depths and will be a valuable training tool.

OC E&D

(Dis)orderly officer for NBC (Naan Bread and Curry) seems to be my best role. I can talk the talk... and I can walk the walk. Although the next morning its closer to a jog-trot to the ablutions. S10 essential.

I believe there are several we can co-opt for the position of Cleaner Fluids Bodily - Pte's 3rd Class, Golden M, Shortt J (though I reason to believe that he's not allowed to be near matches and accelerant) Reeve D, Teirney M (though I'm not sure he can be trusted near young men) and of course my personal fav Webster A. I'll speak with OC Admin when he finally finishes 'inducting' the new clerk.

IN the mean while please see the POL sect for necessary spill kits and heavy black rubber gloves.

Originally Posted by netleyned

I believe there are several we can co-opt for the position of Cleaner Fluids Bodily - Pte's 3rd Class, Golden M, Shortt J (though I reason to believe that he's not allowed to be near matches and accelerant) Reeve D, Teirney M (though I'm not sure he can be trusted near young men) and of course my personal fav Webster A. I'll speak with OC Admin when he finally finishes 'inducting' the new clerk.

IN the mean while please see the POL sect for necessary spill kits and heavy black rubber gloves.

They are not allowed anywhere near my black rubber....

Misread that. Carry on.

Originally Posted by Nugger

Just a wild thought, if this website was a Regt, how would it be organised?

Who would be CO, RSM, 2IC, Adj, BC s, BK s, BSM s, TSM s etc?

Who would be the Born Soldier, the Allround Sportsman, the General Dogs-body, the Minger, the Bullshitter, the Jack-cunt, the Yes-man, the Lazy Fucker, the Cad, the Mummys-boy, the Always-Skint-twat, the Permanently-Depressed, the Biff-Chit, the Officers-Matresse, the Arse-Licker, and the eternal Lance-Jack?

What role would the Regt have?

Should I just fuck off to bed?

Cant believe that no-one has bis dato answered to the original post, "who would be the Officers matress".............we re in the Naafi ya!?