ARmy Rumour SErvice

**Nugger** · 03-05-2012, 01:05

Originally Posted by The_Snail

I don't think next door's cat would be too happy about that.

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You are now I/C shredding and burning.

You've all got to have jobs.

I'm going to be a great civvie aren't I?

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Are you fucking stupid?"*

Gawd help them, and all they sail in.

*A Fiver to Hols if anyone disputes the fact I would say that to anyone who was twisting my melon.

Is your Melon smooth and noice n pink inside? I ll pay ya €5,29p if you let me "twist" it.

**The_Snail** · 03-05-2012, 01:09

Originally Posted by Nugger

Is your Melon smooth and noice n pink inside? I ll pay ya €5,29p if you let me "twist" it.

There is stupid, plain stupid, and having a death wish. Take your choice.

You know that "Middle Management" run it all anyway. Those pillows had better be fluffed. I am off to inspect them now.

**eodmatt** · 03-05-2012, 06:39

Originally Posted by spaz

Well you can't because you're a civvy twat.

You could be the old slag who sucks off the prowler through the perimeter fence.

You ever at Iserlohn?

**Legs** · 03-05-2012, 06:47

Originally Posted by The_Snail

I've put the kettle on.

I'll need at least 4 cups of tea with 3 sugars before I start messing about with your JPA.

Oh, and all newbies must report to my office where Bickies sits and tells me who is allowed to speak to me.

I love the smell of "shitting yourself" in the morning, and I can't always send everyone to jail myself, so I am hereby appointing B and T, Legs, the other B&T, and that JT thingy as my beeatches.

Dingerr is my Prov, assisted by Sinner251 - he pisses on tramps.

Joker is the chef.

Mac_UK is duty driver - always.

Toppers, GreyMafia and Nurse Ratshit will be providing medical cover.

IRON and Boots are I/C recruitment and "Are you having a fucking laugh, you fat bastard".

Did I just put myself in charge then, or just in the middle of it all, letting people think they are in charge?

Fair enough, but someone else can be SSA. With this lot I'd be drowning in Discipline cases.

**JT0475** · 03-05-2012, 07:43

Has Snail just nominated me to be her biatch?

Just checking....

Sent from my iPhone using ARRSE so I should probably be working....

**goatrutar** · 03-05-2012, 08:19

Originally Posted by JT0475

Has Snail just nominated me to be her biatch?

Just checking....

Sent from my iPhone using ARRSE so I should probably be working....

She has indeed. Your new uniform will be a pair of leather tweeds with the arse cut out and a sweaty leather mask. Questions?

**Victorian_Major** · 03-05-2012, 08:36

I'm Adjt of 1 Royal Hairy Arrsed Regiment. It's much posherer than the 10th and recruits from a much nicer part of internetshire. We have special buttons and all our subalterns are specially chosen owing to their faux public school accents and pliant rectums. Even our bin men are WO2s.

**Poacher** · 03-05-2012, 08:46

Pissed mattress storeman for me again then

**JT0475** · 03-05-2012, 08:47

Originally Posted by goatrutar

She has indeed. Your new uniform will be a pair of leather tweeds with the arse cut out and a sweaty leather mask. Questions?

Fair do's, as long as I know where I kneel.

Sent from my iPhone using ARRSE so I should probably be working....

**The_IRON** · 03-05-2012, 08:54

Originally Posted by The_Snail

IRON and Boots are I/C recruitment and "Are you having a fucking laugh, you fat bastard".Did I just put myself in charge then, or just in the middle of it all, letting people think they are in charge?

Got your memo last nice Colonel Slugster...sorry saw you crossed that out and put Major General already.I started a Recruitment campaign last night but not to sure of some of the first applicants who have applied as i think George Michael and Stephen fry are a bit too old and maybe misunderstood the Recruitment for ARRSE campaign. I've passed those two names onto Jarrod and currently looking at the application process you asked for and will chat later as i don't believe having a Ginger dog or eating haribos should be in the eligability requirements and for legal reasons being a Civvy Cunt shouldn't barr someone from applying for legal reasons. Will draft you a new report once that useless bin emptier TID gets in my office....think we need to have words about him as hes a bit strange and been photocopying his ARRSE again.