ARmy Rumour SErvice

**bigbird67** · 19-04-2012, 21:42

We had a 'Mr Penis-head' on ITU for a while. He'd driven home from the pub drunk with 4 kids in the car, luckily 3 uninjured, 1 minor injuries...he, however, went through the windscreen (no seatbelt see?? silly billy) ripping both ears off and half of his face!

How we sniggered when his grafted ears failed to take, leaving him looking like a big pink bell end for ever and ever....wanker :D

**vortexringpiece** · 19-04-2012, 23:23

Worked for the Ambulance Service for a while and one of the senior managers (in charge of operations) was an ex parcel force manager who seemed to think moving patients was the same as moving boxes, anyway, was a right cunt and delighted in belittling everyone whilst at the same time claiming credit for anything good and sucking up to the CEO.

I was responsible for all IT services and and at one point was asked to provide an extract of the operations data systems for a Department of Health audit of performance times, before it was sent off I had a quick analyse of my own and discovered that the data was being falsified by this cunt so that it looked like the repsonse time targets were being met when they weren't.

Of course I rose above it and sympathised with him when he got into some fearsome trouble over this..............did I fuck, I gloated as gloaty as a very gloaty thing and pissed myself laughing as he tried to deny his wrong doing.

In the end the only job he could get was in new zealand, good riddance to the shit head.

CEO ended up in strangeways, but thats another story!

**AlienFTM** · 20-04-2012, 11:02

Originally Posted by BarkingSpider

Is it just me that's a bit worried about that?

Don't let him suck your dick and there is no legal case to answer.

**ugly** · 20-04-2012, 11:50

"CEO ended up in strangeways, but thats another story! "

Do tell!

**brettarider** · 20-04-2012, 13:20

Laughed after my Ex who deicded to have an affair and start divorce proceedings claim via her lawyer that the stress of the divorce had caused her to have a mis-carriage or the fact when she was on the phone crying claiming she was on £30 a week after she'd paid all the bills out didnt like it much when she was told to get her lazy arse back into full time work

Or when she went to the CSA trying to get two lots of payment from me so I stopped the agreed amount she was getting on a weekly basis and went with the CSA payment which turned out to be less than what I was prepared to pay anyway.

Or the street cunt who lives next to my current O/H who made the other residents lives in the street hell by slashing tires/breaking into cars/drug dealing and generally throwing his weight about was found in bed with a scrubber by his wife and she battered the fuck out of him in the middle of the street last Friday night in full view of the rest of the neighbours he's not been seen since and her family are out looking for him.

Karma it's real!

**CDT gruntfuttock** · 21-04-2012, 06:49

Back in..2010 I believe, the then missus (who I shall refer to as J) pulled a quick one one old CGF, buggering off and leaving myself truly down in the mouth and heavy in the bollox. Fast forward to october, staying with the aunt and uncle in colchester, have a geez on facebook and what see I? She's off with my mate, and from the looks of it shagging his ears off most nights...Fast forward again to a wee while after I get home, and a mate of mine tips me the wink that he's nicked off with her spare cash after failed topping attempt....few hours later J comes along and speaks terribly nicely to CGF........

I nearly sprayed tea over the keyboard I laughed so hard.... Karma, you little beauty.

**eodmatt** · 21-04-2012, 07:04

Amicable divorce commenced 1998. Agreed settlement: 400 quid a month maintenance until daughter out of full time education + 10,000 in cash.

Ex wife meets shonky lawyer: "Oh if he is prepared to offer you that we can get at least double for you, sign here for legal aid...."

Fast forward 4 years of utter bullshit in the divorce courts. Judge orders me to pay 240 quid a month + 7000 quid. Result!

I transfer the cash, cancel standing order for 400 quid a month and and set up standing order for 240 quid a month.

Phone call a month later ........

Ex wife: Hi er, you know that money the court ordered you to pay?

Me: Yeah?

Ex wife: Well Legal Aid have taken it all. Can I have some more?

Me: FUCK OFF

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and laugh all the way to the pub. Stupid cow.

**PapaGolf** · 21-04-2012, 08:34

Long term girlfriend decided that she wanted to take a break, yep mightily pissed off was I. Until she nailed her bosses brother thinking that he would snap her up and wisk her away. Cue him telling her to fuck off cos she was just a holiday shag. Daddy then dries up her limitless spends for her horsey hobby/job, leaving her with knack all and to top it all she then jacks her job with much venom, thoroughly burning all her bridges, leaving her with no money, no job, no mates. That'll learn the cock hungry gold digging spiteful spoilt bitch

**toffeewrapper1** · 21-04-2012, 11:15

Originally Posted by PapaGolf

Long term girlfriend decided that she wanted to take a break, yep mightily pissed off was I. Until she nailed her bosses brother thinking that he would snap her up and wisk her away. Cue him telling her to fuck off cos she was just a holiday shag. Daddy then dries up her limitless spends for her horsey hobby/job, leaving her with knack all and to top it all she then jacks her job with much venom, thoroughly burning all her bridges, leaving her with no money, no job, no mates. That'll learn the cock hungry gold digging spiteful spoilt bitch

But you're not bitter,hey?

**snowboardmic** · 21-04-2012, 11:44

ok left right done here comes the benny,

There was a particualy wet cunt called dangerous devron and he was ops offr...i was a bleep for a bit cos it was fun, but this bloke twisted my mellor man and sent me out in to the penthouse as a spr is not qualified to make decisions on the net, i was actually quite good at it...so i set to work...chemist ex lax, every time you want a brew you get asked for 1 or two sugars/lumps...hide comfy bum from Bergan and move shovels...well we were in on it me an the det cmdr but we dosed him up for 3 days nothing happened untill the 4th day where i was making a brew and he went white, got me to take over...couldn't find the comfy bum and ran off into the woods...went round the sqn harbour area in 5 mins, got a pat off the back from the badge, so it was ok...i nearly killed him from dehydration, good thing was i always wanted to get posted out of tidworth....i laughed hard! we had to go "off this means, close down for 5 minutes"...mega