ARmy Rumour SErvice

I do enjoy a bit of a run. However, my pleasure is often blighted by dogs.

I hate dogs and the freaks that own them.

For a start, I tend to run on tracks and trails and so spend a good deal of my time leaping turds. Thanks for the dog shit, you dog owning freaks. If you want a dog, you get its shit. I don't want a dog and I don't want dog shit.

However, the turds they lay are as nothing compared to the actual animals themselves and the freaks that own them.

A few examples:
- Running along happily when from behind me some hound runs into my legs, knocking me over. I get up, the canine prick jumping up at me, to see its owner about 100m away shouting ineffevtually for it. She appeared hurt and surprised when I pointed out she should either control or destroy her animal.
- Running merrily along (elsewhere in the UK) when a fucking colly starts nipping my legs. I point out to the fat bitch owner, who was ineffectually calling its name, that it was biting me. She replied, "he's just a puppy". Oh well that's fine; it can continue to bite me.
- Out running through a rural village when a fucking wolf runs out and corners me, growling like its got rabies. The owner continues to hang up her washing whilst calling its name. When she eventually decided to hall her arse over she was once more surprised at my anger and gave my favourite excuse: "he's only playing".

Then last weekend I was out for a walk with the Bedin minors (3 and 5) when a fucking dog runs up and starts jumping up at them, covering them in mud and reducing the smaller one to screaming tears. I properly unload at the prick of an owner who trots out - you've guessed it - "he's just a puppy". A) it's not a puppy, the Andrex puppy is a puppy, this is a young adult and B) my daughter is just 3. I nearly killed the prick.

The irritating thing is that none of these were put bulls owned by chavs, they were all wholesome breeds owned by middle class sorts who apparently think I like their hairy turd dispensers as much as them.

And "he's just playing" or "he wouldn't hurt anyone"? Fuck off. If I ran at you with a knife, but at the last minute stopped would that be OK if I was "just playing"?

Why do you need a dog; have you failed at same species relationships? I've seen threads on here with people getting all weepy about dead canines. Get a grip.

And no doubt some borderline bestiality enthusiast will come back with something about other peoples' children or some such guff. Children are humans and the perpetuation of the human race. Dogs are hairy play things. Don't agree? You kill a child, I'll kill a dog and we'll see what society thinks.

Its simple dial 101 and report the out of control animal. While you have your phone out, take pictures of it and its owner.

I happen to like dogs but some dog owners are incompetent and/or downright negligent.