- 16-04-2012, 10:24 #1
Natures beasts. Cunts or what?
Don't get me wrong, I've no real dislike against natures wonders as a whole. I've blasted the odd furry thing with a shotgun and toe poked the odd annoying house pet for not moving quick enough but in general I've got nothing against animals.
There are a few notable exceptions though. Creatures that get right on my fucking wick just because they do.
Dolphins: Everytime I sit down at work some tart shoves a bucket under my nose demanding money so that some kid walting as Gail Porter can have a swim with one. I wouldnt mind but you fork out a few grand for the slaphead to go and the cunting Dolphins dont even bother to cure the cancer. They just swim about like gay Sharks laughing like fuck at the silly humans who think they are magical and proffing free fish.
Gay Bears: Dont get me wrong, I like them big black or brown ones that rip hapless hikers to pieces or bring entire towns of crackers to a standstill just by having a wander through someones backyard and a bit of a root through the bins; it's the other useless fuckers that do my swede in. Panda's are utter hermers that deserve to be extinct 'cos if you dont want a shag at least once a year after someones taken the time to fly a Doris a few thousand miles to you for the privilage then you've got it coming. Polar Bears? Apart from feasting on the odd posh kid with a silly name all they seem to do is sit about pretending to be white while drinking Coka Cola. As for those cunting Koala's.......
Cats: Cats are just small teenagers that smell slightly better. They fuck off out for days on end without letting you know where they're going, poll in like fuck alls happened and give you a dirty look! The rest of the time they sit around the house doing fuck all but eating and ignoring you. Little wankers.
So what animals get on your tits (or up your arse) and why?Steven Seagull is a rotten, intenet bully, a seventh generation cunt, he was born in a state of misery, half-cooked with a mean streak a mile wide. Over the years he has developed a passion for human oddities, presdigitation, tattooing and torture.
- 16-04-2012, 10:31 #2
Its a shame there isn't a LOL button!"Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life!" - Cecil Rhodes
"We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence upon those who would do us harm." - George Orwell
- 16-04-2012, 10:32 #3
- Join Date
- Apr 2008
- Getting high on paint fumes in the Focsle Locker.
Dogs get right up my goat, sharing your home with massive over excited hairy fucker that chews everything, shits everywhere, steals your food and licks you constantly.
I imagine it's similar to having a downy brother.One cannot begin to fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.
- 16-04-2012, 10:32 #4
- 16-04-2012, 10:35 #5
- Join Date
- Apr 2005
Fucking whales are cunts. Swim ashore, get their silly fat arses pushed back into the sea by a few scrounging fucking hippies then no sooner are they back in the water they fucking beach themselves again. Fat emo cunts!
- 16-04-2012, 10:38 #6
Lemmings. I had a pet one once and the selfish bastard topped itself. Threw itself off a cliff! WTF is that all about?
Last edited by big_red; 16-04-2012 at 10:42.Excuse me Sarge, I don't want to get anybody into any trouble but my bed hasn't been made yet.
My mother refused to breast feed me; she said "I like you as a friend but that's as far as it goes".
- 16-04-2012, 10:39 #7
All marine mammals, I mean for fuck sake get out of the sea you blubbery retards, what do you think you are Australians?
An Australian, for once getting a good dry.That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
- 16-04-2012, 10:40 #8
Some say they are old sea captains, re-incarnated. Pure vermin in my opinion. Seagulls (nothing to do with the OP) really piss me off. Fed by tourists, protected by idiots. I'm in Jack Charlton's boat!
- 16-04-2012, 10:40 #9
Goldfish. What's the point of those little fuckers?
I bet they even taste like shit, if they had enough meat on them to make them worth eating.It's a fine line between bravery and stupidity...
- 16-04-2012, 10:41 #10
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
- MPA discovering a new found hatred for crab air and just about anyone who is not RIC
Dolphins are just gay sharks.Quis Separabit
what matters is not the size of the dog in the fight- its the size of the fight in the dog-Dwight . D. Eisenhower
To have good soldiers, a nation must always be at war." -Napoleon