ARmy Rumour SErvice

Don't get me wrong, I've no real dislike against natures wonders as a whole. I've blasted the odd furry thing with a shotgun and toe poked the odd annoying house pet for not moving quick enough but in general I've got nothing against animals.

There are a few notable exceptions though. Creatures that get right on my fucking wick just because they do.

Dolphins: Everytime I sit down at work some tart shoves a bucket under my nose demanding money so that some kid walting as Gail Porter can have a swim with one. I wouldnt mind but you fork out a few grand for the slaphead to go and the cunting Dolphins dont even bother to cure the cancer. They just swim about like gay Sharks laughing like fuck at the silly humans who think they are magical and proffing free fish.

Gay Bears: Dont get me wrong, I like them big black or brown ones that rip hapless hikers to pieces or bring entire towns of crackers to a standstill just by having a wander through someones backyard and a bit of a root through the bins; it's the other useless fuckers that do my swede in. Panda's are utter hermers that deserve to be extinct 'cos if you dont want a shag at least once a year after someones taken the time to fly a Doris a few thousand miles to you for the privilage then you've got it coming. Polar Bears? Apart from feasting on the odd posh kid with a silly name all they seem to do is sit about pretending to be white while drinking Coka Cola. As for those cunting Koala's.......

Cats: Cats are just small teenagers that smell slightly better. They fuck off out for days on end without letting you know where they're going, poll in like fuck alls happened and give you a dirty look! The rest of the time they sit around the house doing fuck all but eating and ignoring you. Little wankers.

So what animals get on your tits (or up your arse) and why?

Dolphins are just gay sharks.