ARmy Rumour SErvice

**eodmatt** · 06-03-2012, 15:19

I keep having flashbacks. We only had a black and white TV in those days. The images I get have horizontal lines running through them. It almost seems as if I am not there. I am disembodied. I watch myself watching those images on TV. The TV went off around midnight. The presenter said goodnight and then No star - as if we gave a toss about whether or not the Welsh people had a good night.

There was a small white dot in the middle of the screen. It got smaller and smaller. I miss that white dot. I wonder where it is now. Did it grow up and have kids?

When I was in the army they used to give me psychometric tests because of my job. I was NCO rope, in an RE ballon unit. But I couldn't spell balloon, so they sent me to learn shorthand so that I could work with equal opportunities Thalidomide soldiers.

Unfortunately that unit was always short handed, but the good news for me was that I got promoted, which was handy, after all this was the army, although some of the soldiers limbs in that unit were not fully articulate. But there were plenty of people attending the short arm inspection every week.

Anyway, those black and white pictures haunted me, especially since we had a crap antenna and there was always ghosting on the picture.

By the time I reached Brigadier rank, I was having psychometric tests every month and finally it was established that I was barking mad.

I blame Northern Ireland.

**Flaggie** · 06-03-2012, 15:32

This is actually an important topic. It deserves slightly better-constructed questionnaires (just slightly, mind).

Dunno what you're in the final year of, Chris, (though I think some on here are rather hoping the answer is "My existence") but if I'd handed in anything with "irrelevant" spelled wrong I'd have had it lobbed back in my face.

Edited to add. Ahh. I see you're in the final year of journalism at the Robert Gordon University. Oh dear.

**Buzz** · 06-03-2012, 15:48

I suggest you try enlisting in the army and then secretly filming what goes on during basic training.

Then after you have managed to capture no actual abuse of your self or other recruits on camera you ask for an admin discharge on hardship grounds, then and only then do you come clean about being a media whore bastard who lied to get out of phase two training and a deployment to somewhere where you might actually get shot at.

It's either that or go awol and claim your RLC forklift truck driving has given you PTSD, nothing at all to do with your new hippie girlfriend and posh spaz mates from Brighton putting peer group pressure on you to leave because the army are all filthy baby killers.

**uncle_vanya** · 06-03-2012, 15:55

I wanna take part in yore quetiooane *fek* I mean, survey ..... me, I'm just an old scaly back from the 1960s and 1970s.... for the price of pint and a big Mac... I'll tell you anything you want to know, including how I disarmed the East German Army in 1964 after night in 'Das Sheisst' locale.......