The most stunning part of this story to me is that an old lady was wearing jeans. A rare sight indeed.

Originally Posted by The_Snail

That's me fucked then.

Have you ever been to Tesco Catterick?

nope , i like Tecos of Catterick coz it keeps the riff raff out of Waitrose .

Disorderly Behaviour contrary to sections 5, 4A, 4, of the Act and section 91 Criminal Justice Act 1967. You cunt.

Get it right next time.

Hit the mad old bitch with the fucking dog then say she tried to bite it. Jesus fucking Christ. Bad language is not necessary. My dear old Mum hated bad language. But if it ever came to a fight with my Mum and mad old bitches and dogs I know who my money would be on.

Originally Posted by LancePrivateJones

Wasn't there a recent ruling/case in HM Courts where M'Learned Judge said that it is OK to tell the filth to fuck off and the aforementioned filth should be prepared to accept the fuck off as part and parcel of the job?
I recall the filth being mightily pissed off about it but they can fuck off anyway.

Originally Posted by Countrylad

Correct, however they can lift you for swearing in front of the public, for example if you told a copper to fuck off whilst a mother and child were walking past the copper could arrest you for a section 5 of the public order act (I think) on their behalf.

So you can be done for telling a filth to fuck off by proxy.

Fucking coppering have my cake and eat it cunts.

Was the lady in question in bed after a few drinks at a party? Had you had a dance with her earlier so rightfully assumed that it was ok for you to slip upstairs and slip her the finger whilst her husband was downstairs?

Oh, you told her to fuck off?

Shame, as if the above had happened apparently you get away scottfree!

Originally Posted by PrinceAlbert

Was the lady in question in bed after a few drinks at a party? Had you had a dance with her earlier so rightfully assumed that it was ok for you to slip upstairs and slip her the finger whilst her husband was downstairs?

Oh, you told her to fuck off?

Shame, as if the above had happened apparently you get away scottfree!

Only if you are a taxi driver.

Riding a bike on a pavement can get you nicked if you refuse to give your name and address for a ticket.
Attitude test is a big one and if it's shitting it Down and the kettle is on at the nick or the copper is nearly on for a big chunk of overtime (ie it's end of shift and he's going into a rest day), tread carefully.

Originally Posted by King_of_the_Burpas

Alas, she didn't. But she had a face like a stoat's caught in a welder's vice. I have a 9 month old pup called Monty, unfortunately an English Bull Terrier, so he frightens people, as do I with my 1000 year stare, souvenir Helmand trousers and shaved head. The two in combo have started to give the impression locally that we're anti-social.

She complained that the mutt jumped up and left a paw print on her jeans. I told her to "fuck off" very loudly. She was more shocked by the language than the threat, I think. You could have washed the muck off her jeans is a flash, if you could possibly bear the horror of seeing her out of them

But threatening me with the RSPCA was a bit odd, I thought.

Don't underestimate the power of the RSPCA, they wear these 3 pips and everything these days. They can probably uphold the law in a more robust way than the feds aswell.
Your average RSPCA dude now hold s the rank of "inspector" and should be treated with all courtesies that they are entitled to, saluting, being called Sir etc ( same for ambulance staff).


Do the right thing, turn yourself in immedietely and save the torment of them tracking you down (they have bloodhounds) and bang you up in a cage with a Yorkshire terrier incessantly rogering your leg.

Old woman in jeans? She deserved to have them soiled.

Originally Posted by filthboy1979

Riding a bike on a pavement can get you nicked if you refuse to give your name and address for a ticket.
Attitude test is a big one and if it's shitting it Down and the kettle is on at the nick or the copper is nearly on for a big chunk of overtime (ie it's end of shift and he's going into a rest day), tread carefully.

So, imagine you are in a restaurant with your lass and you are skint because you haven't got a job. So you are ordering from the 'Pizza 'n Pasta £4.50' Special menu, 5.30 - 6.30pm while stocks last.

And they ask you....

Filled pasta

Or flat pasta