Useful

**spike7451** · 03-02-2012, 19:23

So it's time for your morning constitutional,you've gone into your favorite trap & settled down with the reading material of your choice,maybe a B&H filter tip & a cup of coffee....

You feel the nudge of the turd at your hoop,gently stretching the ring open to escape the darkness........

So,do you take a masive strain & blow the whole lot out in one wet splash as it hits the watery depths below,do you crimp off little sections of bowel fruit or do you move yourself around on the loo seat,trying to lay one long length of cable in the pan,like an ice cream....?

**zero-over** · 03-02-2012, 19:25

Originally Posted by spike7451

So it's time for your morning constitutional,you've gone into your favorite trap & settled down with the reading material of your choice,maybe a B&H filter tip & a cup of coffee....

You feel the nudge of the turd at your hoop,gently stretching the ring open to escape the darkness........

So,do you take a masive strain & blow the whole lot out in one wet splash as it hits the watery depths below,do you crimp off little sections of bowel fruit or do you move yourself around on the loo seat,trying to lay one long length of cable in the pan,like an ice cream....?

I usually do a massive dump into a plastic bag and throw it at the first police car I see.

**RampTramp** · 03-02-2012, 19:25

I'm usually quite busy at work, so normally its a splash and dash for me

Sent from my iPhone using my ARRSE

**3rdStafford** · 03-02-2012, 19:27

I usually sit there for a couple of minutes as a pain spreads from my colon to my balls, unable to drop one. Then I give up and go have a cigarette and a pint of coffee, that usually gets things moving.

**Rabid Chihuahua** · 03-02-2012, 19:29

I find an exercise shovel recce quite fulfilling.

**The Forty Twa** · 03-02-2012, 19:31

I wrap mine in cling film and take it home in case anyone finds it and analyses the stool to see if i'm from the West

Added - Also useful as a hand warmer.

**Bladesman** · 03-02-2012, 19:58

Coffee, fag, log in, log out.

**heard_it_all_before** · 03-02-2012, 20:12

These days, my sphincter chucks it out with such venom that I often expect that its submerged and shot straight round the S-Bend and sped off on its way into the drinking water system!!!

That said I still enjoy a full on gristley, dry turd, that seems to hang on for ages and stretches yer arrse as wide as a ceral bowl.

**sierra golf** · 03-02-2012, 20:38

Being a tight fisted Jock I like to hang onto mine as long as possible

**King_of_the_Burpas** · 03-02-2012, 20:40

Originally Posted by 3rdStafford

I usually sit there for a couple of minutes as a pain spreads from my colon to my balls, unable to drop one. Then I give up and go have a cigarette and a pint of coffee, that usually gets things moving.

For me, it's usually spray 'n' pray.