ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by 12volts

I know this is a civvy tale, but....

We had an urgent job at work, it was dropped on us but very profitable, with the promise of more of the same.
It was a case of ALL hands to the benches. At the time we had a graduate trainee, Andrew. Andrew having only
just started with us was told to make himself useful and fuck off to make a brew. Half an hour later, still no brew.
'Andrew, where is that f*cking brew', he replied, 'I'm waiting for the tea bags to dissolve'.

I think your pants just burst into a white flame.

Originally Posted by brighton hippy

cyprus a reply to a suggestion to go for a meze
"I don't want any foreign muck I want some proper English food like a curry"

'Blackie' from MT in the pizza shop:

"Do you want it cut into 4 or 8 slices?"

"Oh, 4. I'll never eat 8."

Another civvy tale. Graduate trainee started at our firm and was told that cos horses are so expensive people learn to ride on cows first.

I'm not sure who was the worst......the driver or our plank of an electrician in the LAD.
The RCT driver had let the cam net fall between the cab and backboard of the MK Bedford UBRE as it travelled through the centre of Osnabuck (not tied down properly) in the late 80's....I had to go and recover the vehicle and towed it back to Roberts kaserne (it had fed down the engine block then got caught between the prop shafts bringing it to an abrupt halt). On recovering it back to the LAD we tried to chisel/hacksaw the remainining camnet that had welded itself to the props, Engine and TBOX and was getting No where when a bright young electrician Cfn came along and said he could get it off no hassle whilst we went to scoff. Coming back from the cookhouse 20 minutes later we saw squaddies fleeing the square and spotted the MJ UBRE on fire with a tank of Benz and tank of Diesel on board...........luckily it was put out quickly but taff was never allowed near the gas bottles again.

On the officer front I was VM cover at Starple training area for 12 Armed on a Recovery mechanics training camp......the Troopie hadnt ordered enough fuel for the exercise and generators and vehicles were very low. After a few days of whinging from us in the permanent staff at his lack of organisation skills we were all sat around at scoff when two DROPS turned up on training area fully loaded with packed fuel........the Smarmie one pip wonder came up to me as I was drinking my brew with the Reccy Mechs saying Cpl you can stop your whining now heres your fuel......just as out the corner of my eye I spotted a load of grey jerry cans on board saying sorry sir in this army our vehicles run on Diesel...not KERO.........off went running a extremely red one pip wonder with his tail between his legs and explanation of why he had ordered two fully loaded DROPS of Kero.

Not thick but incredibly unlucky, in the Outer Hebrides after a long long weekend replacing the main bearing on one of the airforces two very expensive radars. My mate "Harry" had just finished replacing the three phase power supply all on his tod. Luckily for him there was some top brass visiting that day to admire his handywork.

The radar ( a westinghouse t92 fact fans ) was ceremoniously switched on before a throng of onlookers and arse kissers
Unluckily for Harry he had wired the 3 phase arse about tit and the radar went anti clockwise instead of the expected clockwise.

Much mirth and merriment by us scrotes as the colour drained out of oc Eng's face.

Originally Posted by uncle_vanya

If you could imagine someone who looked like Wurzel Gumage in uniform!

Sounds very much like someone I know...

Originally Posted by uncle_vanya

After one pint of beer, this thing was a gibbering wreck!

Royal Signals, you say? Sounds like a very dear friend who transferred in from a rather famous Northern Infantry Regiment & went on to be OC Sqn.

Remember one sweetheart who despite being fully trained on the 81mm mortar managed to fire half a dozen bombs down range at Sennybridge without a single one going bang when it landed. A quick analysis of his loading technique went to show that the dumbass wasn't pulling the pin before dropping it down the tube.

Originally Posted by Gobbly wobbly

Remember one sweetheart who despite being fully trained on the 81mm mortar managed to fire half a dozen bombs down range at Sennybridge without a single one going bang when it landed. A quick analysis of his loading technique went to show that the dumbass wasn't pulling the pin before dropping it down the tube.

On Trumpet Dance mid-90s as PRT, a company group went through the Coy attack range I was on without a single bang from 51mm HE. On questioning afterwards, not one of the mortarmen knew (or at least admitted to knowing) that HE had a pin that needed pulling. Range Central just loved us that day.