- 16-06-2012, 21:02 #301
Mad John McGluey - My warrior driver in Munster was tasked one morning with putting up new crew protective padding that lines the inside of the wagon. He was missing for a while after scoff - and was found in the back of the warrior (which had been found battened down - rear door shut) covered in glue and high as a kite.
Another lad had a very lucky escape. He decided to buy himself some pepper spray to take home to the uk and give to his sister whos husband liked to punch her. As he approached the tunnel he decided last minute.com to hide the pepper spray in the lining of the roof on his new convertible peugeot. All fine and dandy until half way to the uk on the train, he decides to show off and put the roof down....which went down second try - more slowly than usual.
Gets to blighty and as the train doors open up goes his roof...........and POP! In an instant he realises that the roof was slow going down because of the pepper spray, and that the can has popped now. Windows up, roof up the poor cnut drives as fast as he can off the train (no customs checks) holding his breath almost blinded by tears until he gets far away enough from the tunnel to open the car.People sleep soundly in their beds because rough men stand on street corners ready to do violence on thier behalf.
'Up the Micks!'
- 16-06-2012, 22:08 #302
We had a guy who got lost on the way to orienteering one sports afternoon.
- 16-06-2012, 23:35 #303Ma Kilts on and ma underslung load is swingin in the wind
- 16-06-2012, 23:50 #304
- Join Date
- Dec 2004
New lad to our squadron, fails to turn up on time for a course, cue Cpl Hogspawn phoning him and dickhead answers, halfway through the phone conversation the line drops out.....so I call him back
Me "Sorry mate, dunno what happened there, must've got cut off"
Him "....yeah I was playing with the cable on my phone and did this...."
*line drops out again*
I call him back..
"You cunt...."pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever!!!!
- 17-06-2012, 00:27 #305
Thickest Squadie? I could write a book on the subject, maybe I shouldMa Kilts on and ma underslung load is swingin in the wind
- 17-06-2012, 04:21 #306
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
However I did see at one event in Germany, a unit team arriving late as they had problems finding the start location and then complained about it not being tac-signed in.
After being told it was tac-signed in the normal fashion, red-white kites and arrows, driver of mini-bus reported he had seen them but didnīt know what they were and was keeping his eye out for normal military tac-signs.
- 17-06-2012, 07:47 #307
- Join Date
- Oct 2004
- Gods Waiting room
Fault seems to lie with the JI's and those briefing the driver!"I'd rather be a tired old Has been, than a tired old Never Has Been!!"
"If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."
Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas mutat
According to Ispeakcrabandpongo "Typically Island Ape Brits," That suits me!
- 17-06-2012, 08:06 #308
On the 25m range zeroing our weapons. Infantryman (Blue Hackle type) was missing each time After about the 8th attempt he turned to the CSM and said "Would this have something to do with it?" As he was playing around with the SUSAT, which was swing from side to side like a drunk on a motorbike.
This was the same guy who signed off 2 days before he qualified for his 8 year bonus.
KNOB!Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
You know what? I really couldn't give a fuck!!!
"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
how was the play?"
- 17-06-2012, 09:19 #309
- Join Date
- Oct 2003
- The Isle of Innisfree
I fully admit to getting lost while setting out an Orienteering course, to an extent that the participants had started & couldn't find the fourth marker as I was wandering around the Ulu trying to work out where I was.
Last edited by CaptainPlume; 17-06-2012 at 17:04.To eat well in England one must have breakfast three times a day
London: its "buzz" and "vibrancy"... can be codewords for drugs, late-night noise and multi-culturalism run (literally) riot.
- 17-06-2012, 10:07 #310
- Join Date
- Aug 2007
Belfast in 98/99 support company of my Battalion were tasked to cover the Int Cell posts as well as OP Faction in the towers. The Company Cpl store man was attached to the towers for the tour and was not the sharpest tool in the box. He had been in the Bn for at least 17 or so years at this point in his career and going nowhere fast. Well each day all sighting reports were faxed to the HQ twice a day, said Cpl on his first attempt to fax the reports received a phone call from HQ whilst he was still stood at the fax , " N... what the fuck are you doing? We have nearly 20 copies of the same fax"
" well every time I put the paper in the machine it comes back out!!!"
100% true and probably not a surprise to many people that we were a Midlands County Regiment!