ARmy Rumour SErvice

**8256Mick** · 16-06-2012, 21:02

Mad John McGluey - My warrior driver in Munster was tasked one morning with putting up new crew protective padding that lines the inside of the wagon. He was missing for a while after scoff - and was found in the back of the warrior (which had been found battened down - rear door shut) covered in glue and high as a kite.

Another lad had a very lucky escape. He decided to buy himself some pepper spray to take home to the uk and give to his sister whos husband liked to punch her. As he approached the tunnel he decided last minute.com to hide the pepper spray in the lining of the roof on his new convertible peugeot. All fine and dandy until half way to the uk on the train, he decides to show off and put the roof down....which went down second try - more slowly than usual.
Gets to blighty and as the train doors open up goes his roof...........and POP! In an instant he realises that the roof was slow going down because of the pepper spray, and that the can has popped now. Windows up, roof up the poor cnut drives as fast as he can off the train (no customs checks) holding his breath almost blinded by tears until he gets far away enough from the tunnel to open the car.

**Country Joe** · 16-06-2012, 22:08

We had a guy who got lost on the way to orienteering one sports afternoon.

**MacSapper** · 16-06-2012, 23:35

Originally Posted by brettarider

Sorry Biscuts AB he's got some of the facts but not all of them!

Incident happend in IIRC either end of 96 or 97, 7AB all stood down on the same day for Christmas leave and the mad dash for the ferry ports began.
As you had the RHF and SDG at Fally at the same time most headed for Roterdam however on the way there a SDG lad cut up one of the RHF lads on the motorway by acident or choice not sure.

However not letting it go once they got on the ferry a BFO fight started once the beer got flowing the guy who got cut up sneaked down to the car deck and torched the other lads motor. 5 cars were damaged and his was a write off. One of the other RHF lot was caught pushing a button which if had gone un-noticed would have opened one of the sets of doors and sunk the ship as it was about mid crossing at the time.

When it docked at Hull riot police were waiting and (hazy on this bit) either everyone or all squaddies on the ferry was taken to the local nicks until the cuprits were ID'd and lifted. One lad from my unit was onboard at the time and had nothing to do with it ...unusal for him as he was normally in the shit for something. I still keep in touch with him via facebook Il get the full story straight from the horses mouth.

pretty sure some sort of S&R was involved as well It was in all the national papers at the time and was certainly talk of 7AB at the time as I was stationed there.

Me and the zero alpha were on the NS ferry next day and heard it from the crew. Ferries were sometimes a battle ground with different units, football fans and even booze trippers kicking off. Onyway one of the cars that were torched was our neighbours and they lost all the Xmas presents etc. there is much more to this incident which could be researched as for a few hours the bridge crew didn't have control of the ship

**hogspawn** · 16-06-2012, 23:50

New lad to our squadron, fails to turn up on time for a course, cue Cpl Hogspawn phoning him and dickhead answers, halfway through the phone conversation the line drops out.....so I call him back

Me "Sorry mate, dunno what happened there, must've got cut off"

Him "....yeah I was playing with the cable on my phone and did this...."

*line drops out again*

I call him back..

"You cunt...."

**MacSapper** · 17-06-2012, 00:27

Thickest Squadie? I could write a book on the subject, maybe I should

**ECE-Tech** · 17-06-2012, 04:21

Originally Posted by Country Joe

We had a guy who got lost on the way to orienteering one sports afternoon.

I heard that once but that was before the event and was the excuse the guy was going to use for not attending.
However I did see at one event in Germany, a unit team arriving late as they had problems finding the start location and then complained about it not being tac-signed in.
After being told it was tac-signed in the normal fashion, red-white kites and arrows, driver of mini-bus reported he had seen them but didn´t know what they were and was keeping his eye out for normal military tac-signs.

**ugly** · 17-06-2012, 07:47

Fault seems to lie with the JI's and those briefing the driver!

**B_AND_T** · 17-06-2012, 08:06

On the 25m range zeroing our weapons. Infantryman (Blue Hackle type) was missing each time After about the 8th attempt he turned to the CSM and said "Would this have something to do with it?" As he was playing around with the SUSAT, which was swing from side to side like a drunk on a motorbike.

This was the same guy who signed off 2 days before he qualified for his 8 year bonus.

KNOB!

**CaptainPlume** · 17-06-2012, 09:19

I fully admit to getting lost while setting out an Orienteering course, to an extent that the participants had started & couldn't find the fourth marker as I was wandering around the Ulu trying to work out where I was.

**punisher** · 17-06-2012, 10:07

Belfast in 98/99 support company of my Battalion were tasked to cover the Int Cell posts as well as OP Faction in the towers. The Company Cpl store man was attached to the towers for the tour and was not the sharpest tool in the box. He had been in the Bn for at least 17 or so years at this point in his career and going nowhere fast. Well each day all sighting reports were faxed to the HQ twice a day, said Cpl on his first attempt to fax the reports received a phone call from HQ whilst he was still stood at the fax , " N... what the fuck are you doing? We have nearly 20 copies of the same fax"

" well every time I put the paper in the machine it comes back out!!!"

100% true and probably not a surprise to many people that we were a Midlands County Regiment!