ARmy Rumour SErvice

Gdsm George, undoubtedly the dumbest but nicest bloke I ever met, even had a fucker of a stutter just to top it off. Recruiting must have been bad when they let him in...... then again "I" got in so...

Grumblegrunt, sadly the Scorpion is no more. A bright shiny Lidl store stands in its place.

Should be a thread about stupid Ruperts...

Bloke in Traz, not very bright and not very clean. Someone fucked up the spelling of his surname in training, which continued throughout his career, he even had name tags and MOD90 spelled wrong, It wasn't until about half way through his career when someone was checking his passport pre-deployment that it the spelling mistake was spotted. When asked why he'd been going around under the wrong name, he said "I didn't want to say anything"

Gunner Something - joined the Battery while we were on ex in a Fire Support Base, so came out on a ration truck. Helps the Q Bloke unload the grub from the Unimog, and then doesn't stand back as the tailgate is lifted closed - BFO tailgate smashes him under chin - out like a light - loaded straight back onto truck for (unconscious) return to barracks.

Cue three days later - (The by now slightly infamous) Gunner Something returns on the same truck. Battery is in a Fire Mission, so he stands unnoticed in front of a gun bund - oh ah - Bang. Thud. Knocked unconscious by the blast - once again loaded back onto the Q truck for return to barracks.

Thicker than two short planks ever after, but nobody was ever sure if it was a result of the repeated knock outs or not.

Ah, reminds me of a Trooper in the Skins many years ago. We were deploying to Soltau for Troop Training one February with snow on the ground, in a winter so cold we were brought in from the exercise because the fuel started to emulsify in the Panzers. Said Trooper was standing on parade in his covvies, shivering away. The Troop Sergeant suggested he got some warm kit out & seeing that he only had webbing with him told him to double away to the wagon to get his kit.

“Kit, Sergeant,” came the reply. “I haven’t got any other kit, didn’t think I’d need any”.

Poor lad had proposed to deploy on Exercise for three weeks in a German winter in the clothes he stood up in (covvies, boots, T-shirt & Beret) and hadn’t even put a sleeping bag in. Goes to show that even trained Soldiers need the odd kit check…

Jesus Christ so many to chose from

Pte Grady (no longer serving) buys a TV and video recorder on the never never from whatever was before Brighthouse. Tells us all how great the insurance is because it would pay out should he find himself in circumstances unable to pay, to anyone else on the planet that would mean if you lost your job, to Grady it meant if he wanted to go out on the piss instead of paying for the TV the insurance will help him out.

In phase two training I always thought this was a Stacker urban myth, but I have on several occasions witnessed various buffoons get an order for X metres of rope or cable only for them to cut it into one metre lengths. Amusing when I was a tom not so amusing when I was running the issue section.

Ever done the 10/20 pound trick where you put it on someones arm and put a lighter to it? If it burns through they get to keep the money? 3 weekends in a row Pte Gordon (not serving) ended up in the med centre with burns, his excuse was eventully he'll get a note thats not fireproof.

Leonard. "What've you written on you flask, Leonard?"
"It's me name, boss."
"It says Lednard."
"Oh shite."