Christmas - The Time For Wanting To Kill You Family.

**schweik** · 08-09-2010, 13:28

Originally Posted by Tankiebootneckdad

If anybody would like to have Mrs TBND, her mother and daughter that would be nice.
I will than be assured a very quiet Christmas.
Any takers????? No.....thought not...Oh fcuk.

If you want any volunteers you'll have to do better than that.

How old are they both?
Does one or both (depending on answer to age question), er, "put out"....? (Answer to this question not critical, because if they don't do so voluntarily, they can always be persuaded by other means)
Can we have appropriate photos? (By which I mean inappropriate photos!)

**Cuddles** · 08-09-2010, 13:29

When I married TFB, who loves - as I do - her family deeply, I made the following things clear to her.

1.I do not spend christmas Day further from my own drinks cabinet, TV remote control and larder than is absolutely necessary

2.I prefer it to be a day of quiet peace and goodwill, yet I will accept a visit from anybody providing they do not interfere with my own quiet enjoyment, move the remote control too far and expect me to refill their drinks like some sixties sit-com character

3.I may fart, burp, snore - all three to be honest - during Christmas Day. If lucky I will drag myself off to a bedroom for this.

4.Lashing it to the wide is for boxing Day, although I tend to treat that more as a dress rehearsal for Hogmononay. The ancient Gaelic word for liver transplant by the way...

5. I do not travel.

She accepted this happily and now if she wants to see the O'Fnian clan then they can make the effort. Otherwise we'll see them on christmas Eve at Mass or Boxing Day, with bright St Stephen's Greetings to them all!

**easesprings** · 08-09-2010, 13:32

Originally Posted by schweik

If you want any volunteers you'll have to do better than that.

How old are they both?
Does one or both (depending on answer to age question), er, "put out"....? (Answer to this question not critical, because if they don't do so voluntarily, they can always be persuaded by other means)
Can we have appropriate photos? (By which I mean inappropriate photos!)

It is the season of goodwill after all

**ooooh_matron** · 08-09-2010, 13:33

Tell all your family that you have three invitations going for Christmas dinner. Provide each of them with all the family phone numbers and ask them to sort it out amongst themselves. You should have a nice quiet Christmas.

**Ravers** · 08-09-2010, 13:33

Originally Posted by easesprings

With comments like that you will be burning bibles next and upsetting christians in the Middle east

Damn right. My annual day of celebration is 12th Feb. Darwin's brithday.

**Albertous** · 08-09-2010, 13:34

Originally Posted by Ravers

Christmas is shit. Why the fuck are we celebrating some made up fucker's birthday anyway?

So we can have a few days off work and get pissed. It is an ancient need and if he had not been invented/existed (me, I have an all embracing approach to my posts, well except for one legged lesbian immigrants, they can just fcuk off - where was I?, oh yes) we would be doing the same for some other made up/really did exist (for all the pagans out there) deity.

**FourEM** · 08-09-2010, 13:41

Firstly Miner

You truly are a cunt's cunt

. Christmas is a dogs age away; no really it is .

The unilateral decision ( made by SWMBO funnily enough) we get the crumblies at our house this year . So I'm hiding the good scotch as her old fella does when I saunter round.
I know he has the good stuff cos I fekkin bought it

but no out comes the Teachers or Grouse come Yuletide.

And breathe

**Cuddles** · 08-09-2010, 13:52

No flies on Grouse...unless of course, as you do, you know he's got Auchentoshan hidden away somewhere!

**Fat_Cav** · 08-09-2010, 13:56

Originally Posted by Auld-Yin

If they want to come round here and wait-on for me then fine. Just so long as they know that a fresh brew/beveridge every 10 mins is required and that there will only be the Queen's Speech plus any films I want to watch on the TV. No Eastenders or any of that type of crap allowed.

For a man of your. . *cough*. . mature years, I'm in awe of your liquid intake.

PS. You can tell me, what's your secret: Bag or Commode?

**Miner** · 08-09-2010, 14:05

Originally Posted by FourEM

Firstly Miner

You truly are a cunt's cunt

. Christmas is a dogs age away; no really it is .

The unilateral decision ( made by SWMBO funnily enough) we get the crumblies at our house this year . So I'm hiding the good scotch as her old fella does when I saunter round.
I know he has the good stuff cos I fekkin bought it

but no out comes the Teachers or Grouse come Yuletide.

And breathe

Only 108 days away mate.

**Murphy_Slaw** · 08-09-2010, 14:06

Easy solution. Invite everyone for Christmas dinner and make a big thing about wanting everyone there. Then about a week before phone everyone and tell them the kids have got something contageous (nothing life threatening) and the doc has told you to keep contact to a minimum. Appologise to all and sound like you are really sorry, then enjoy a quiet Christmas at home and keep all the single malt for yourself....simples.

**QNOGUNS** · 08-09-2010, 14:21

I find that telling the family that we are away for the period and wont be back till the 28th, now as both sets of parents, brothers & sister live miles away from us they wont bother checking up on us as we wont answer the land line. Sometimes we do go away but mostly we stay at home and getting away with it

**Miner** · 08-09-2010, 14:35

It's getting better.
We rely on my parents and my wife's parents, all retired, for babysitting whilst we are at work. My wife works 3 days a week now.
My parents have the kids 2 days one week and her parents one day. Then they swap the following week. My parents live about 50 miles away while my wife's parents only live around the corner. Ergo, we rely on them more due to living closer.

Now as the kids were premature and my wife has the odd hospital appointment for one of the kids or for herself (slight cancer scare a few years ago), we occasionally require extra child care. My wife's parents have now said they are only available for child care if my wife is working. We have to arrange other child care for hospital visits.
My parents will do it, it's just a slight logistical nightmare doing it. My parents have even said they'll have the kids 5 days a week. Not that I think they could cope with it personally.

Not that this has anything to do with us being "awkward" about Christmas. Oh no.

Now I'm desperate to move back to closer to my parents, family, and friends. Are her family that stupid, that they don't realise that being like they are, they are pushing my wife more and more into wanting to move as well? Good news for me though, on that front.

**FourEM** · 08-09-2010, 14:53

Originally Posted by Miner

Only 108 days away mate.

Oh you had to say it

**easesprings** · 08-09-2010, 14:56

Originally Posted by FourEM

Oh you had to say it

Must be time for this then

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.