Thread: The Thunderbox!

http://www.arrse.co.uk/Forums/viewtopic/t=114742.html

Some good turd stories on that link.

Telic 4. QRF duties but lolling on my pit pretending to be able to sleep with uniform on.

I went for a dump to break up the boredom and make the most of the coolest time of the day at about half 3 in the morning. Unfortunately it was still the height of summer and as such I was sweating like a fat mans arrse. A detour to the main building to get a bottle of water from the cookhouse fridge to mix with my rat pack hot chocolate mix was in order.

My intention was to whip down towards the main gate where the D&V sh1tters were. We had been clean lately and as such these were not being regularly used.

As I'm flip flopping my way across the tiled floor I hear the familiar "Crump" of a Mortar round landing near the camp. Followed by about a further dozen or so landing in various parts of the compounds. Gutted that I never brought a book I decided to be cheeky and I would use the ones near to the cookhouse that normally hummed.

As I sat squeezing one out most p1ssed off that it stunk but pleased with my hetero manlyness for failing to show fear towards the IDF attack which although had finished would still have been going when I re told the story it all started up again.

I snapped the head off it like one of those little devices rich business men have for cutting cigars. Failing to wipe I was back under hard cover before you could say "P1ss dribbling down my leg."

I then sat with the duty night chefs laughing at me as I stunk of turd and had a suspicious damp patch on my combats for the better part of 15 minutes. After the Op whatever it was called where you check for blinds and the resulting 45 minutes of clearance patrols I finally got to go and finish the job.

Off I went to go and treat myself on one of the Clean D&V bogs. How ironic it was to see various bits of orange and white broken plastic all over the shop and hesco baskets stained by blue Turdis liquid all around. It wasn't a direct impact but I'm willing to bet I wouldn't have enjoyed my dump had I been in there.

Originally Posted by oscar1whisky

Old and Bold will remember pre-Turdis days of self dug long drops

Petrol would be poured in on a daily basis & a iclke fire ensure except if someone had dropped an aerosol can in!!!!!!!!


Best one for a turdis is not with the Army though but with the Sealed Knot.
Contractors turn up to empty but instead of sucking out had it on blow. Those camping with 50 meters we praying for rain to clean their tents.

Little or no thought is ever spared for the poor souls who's task in life is to keep our over used fleet of Turdii 'full of blue and ready for poo'. The men and women who crew the Honey Suckers are the true forgotten heroes of our time.

The cloud of fouls gas released during a visit from the Honey Sucker is enough to turn the strongest stomach, anyone who has been stood downwind of one at work will vouch for this.

On Op Agricola we had a loyal and dilligent crew of chogies who had stepped up to the plate to carry out this thankless (less financial reward) task. The Honey Sucker would do its stuff before the crew commander would come ambling over clutching a shit streaked clipboard containing an oddly coloured tattered sheet of paper.

Ol' Stinky wasn't going anywhere without a signature on his crappy clipboard. He remained 110% on task throughout totally focused on emptying shitters and gaining signatures. Nothing distracted him. Not the urge to go and clean his crumbling sugar puff teeth, not a thought of perhaps washing the "No Dad" Christmas jumper that he had been wearing every day during this long, hot, sweaty Kosovan summer. No it was signatures and bogs that flicked his switches.

I often reminisce fondly of my time getting pissed in the Balkans and sometimes even spare a thought for Ol' Stinky and wonder if he's washed that fucking shitty stinking jumper yet.

Originally Posted by spaz

The cloud of fouls gas released during a visit from the Honey Sucker is enough to turn the strongest stomach, anyone who has been stood downwind of one at work will vouch for this.

True. During my stay at 'Slipper City' AKA - KAF, I had managed to survive on meat and salad for the entire time throughout the tour, each time having to resist the temptation of the Boardwalk's offers of Timmy Hortons doughnuts, BK and Subway. So well in fact, I'd actually managed to slim down to the size of a cocktail stick. I was so proud of myself, mainly because I could see the 'wee man' again.

During the final two weeks walking back from the strip I got it into my head that I would finally do myself the pleasure of quaffing a Chicken Royal with extra cheese, extra mayo, extra lard etc - after all, I'd earned it. Luckily the wind had changed, and by the time I had drew level with the Boardwalk - the aromatic delights of Poo Pond had engulfed the entire area. The mixture of flame grilled Whoppers and stale shit was enough to put me off the idea for a least a few weeks.

Whilst not quite as bad; the bogs at Dixies Corner in Sennybridge do have their moments!

This was written on many a thunderbox wall.

"Some come here to sit and think

Others come to shit and stink

I come here to scratch my balls

And read the writing on the walls".

Always found a MGB strap was ideal for imprisoning individuals in them especially around meal times and those who left the place like a Hamburg peep show.

"Please flush twice, it's a long way to the cook house" is a popular comment found on most toilet walls.

C Sqn 1 RTR Saltau 1990ish when I was young and thin - the fitter section was parked up with SHQ right next to a Turdis. The Sqn 2ic decided to go for a crap but was canny enough to keep his foot wedged in the door and his head as far out as possible scanning his arcs - however , he didn't notice the ninja reccy mech slipping off the back decks of the cent ARV!

said Reccy Mech struck fuze of thundeflash and popped it down the pipe where they suck the shit out. The 2ic heard the hiss and just managed to get his arse of the pan when it blew - funny as fuck! came flying out the door with his keks round his ankles, shit up his back and no hearing!.

We had to bug out quick as whole rear end of turdis was split from top to bottom! Unbelievably 2ic saw the funny side- he was a bit of an animal himself, them were the days!

2nd story around 1994 on Hohne ranges ewith 132 bty, 39 MLRS Regt we were expecting the DRA to inspect the dust bowl where we were leagured up. As usual the BSM was panicking que much polishing of boots, camoflauge nets scrim etc etc - the only thing was, there was 2 blue turdis's which he thought were not tactical enough for the DRA so the first thing he asked for was for them to be 'cammed up' with netting but still not satisfied he had the lads paint them green and black! - I shit you not!! Germans went banzai and charged the regiment mega bucks for the damage.

3rd story Al Jabail blackadder lines gulf 1 - the chogis used see through piping to suck the shit out of the turdis's - quite amusing really watching a turd fly at 60 miles an hour! (wasn't many tampons on then due to very few blarts being around) it was a bit like strobe lighting special effects.

4th and final
at the REME 50th at Sennelager somebody managed to start a domino effect topple and got about 15-20 turdis's down in one go - quite a few guys got trapped inside from what I remember.

Originally Posted by devilish

1st gulf, Troop location somewhere in the middle of the desert of sunny Saudi. Our sh!t pit consisted of a rectangular box, 12 ft long 2 ft wide and 3 ft tall with 4 holes in it, a bog seat attached to each hole. No screen between each throne but they did have the decency to put a screen of hessian around the actual box. You know you are in pretty desperate times at 6 in the morning as the sun has just come up and you've had your first coffee of the day and you are sat next to your Tp Commander, troop staffy and section full screw having a dump and your troop staffy asking you to pass the paperwork...

I remember that as if it was yesterday mate, pi$$ing myself remembering it all over again. Nothing like grunting till your eyes popped out when you have someone sitting next to you reading a book or asking you a question about what time scoff is etc.

I was attached to the Medics in GW1 and the band lads attached where given the task (paid extra for it) to empty the shitters and burn the evience. And what a $hit job that they did.

Surprised that 3 pages in, no mention (or admission of being the lucky person) of he who went DLT swimming following one of the few scuds landing near us in the early hours of TELIC. Today's helpful hint being that not everything that looks like a protective trench is - especially at 02:30hrs.

I think some Eastern European swam the poo pond in KAF for a bet and was cas-evac'd a day or so later.

Originally Posted by plant_life

I think some Eastern European swam the poo pond in KAF for a bet and was cas-evac'd a day or so later.

Yeah, some Bulgarian for $100, $1000 whatever the rumour is these days.

That's like the story about CSM on duty one night who came across a gang-bang in the block, but rather than report it, joined in - and then mid-flow someone turned the light on and it turned out to be his own daughter.

Military legends eh? A whole new thread maybe?

I thought turdises were the big portable toilets and thunderboxes were the cardboard things used in Norway?