Will you be my Valentine?

**ABrighter2006** · 13-02-2010, 11:22

Okay guys and gals, you know how it is. The money for the Valentine card was drunk last night and am currently cutting up a cereal box and thinking of a way to stick rolled up toilet paper to it, for the skinflint's cheap and cheerful card.

Stuck on the words inside and thought, who better to suggest some rhymes of love, then the collective wisdom of Arrse. So, any suggestions for words of luuuuurve this Valentine's eve?

How about "here's a card so fluffy and pink, now get off your arse and get back to the sink". Any good?

**Lance_corp_more_rant** · 13-02-2010, 11:31

Roses are straight,

Violets are twisted,

Bend over love,

You're about to get fisted.

Roses are crap,

Violets are wanky,

Oooh I've just come,

Pass me a hanky.

Roses are stupid,

Violets are silly,

Grease up your flaps,

Cos here comes my willy.

Roses are awful,

Violets are the pits,

Lift up your shirt,

And show us your tits.

**StickyToffeePudding** · 13-02-2010, 11:34

Originally Posted by ABrighter2006

Okay guys and gals, you know how it is. The money for the Valentine card was drunk last night and am currently cutting up a cereal box and thinking of a way to stick rolled up toilet paper to it, for the skinflint's cheap and cheerful card.

Stuck on the words inside and thought, who better to suggest some rhymes of love, then the collective wisdom of Arrse. So, any suggestions for words of luuuuurve this Valentine's eve?

How about "here's a card so fluffy and pink, now get off your arse and get back to the sink". Any good?

I just love the way you make out you have someone in you life to call 'darling' and pleasure you other than Lady Palmer and her 5 slutty daughters!

**MAD_FERRET** · 13-02-2010, 11:59

Some ideas for the design:

**Bolton_Sig** · 13-02-2010, 12:08

Or how abouts ?

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Get in the Van
Ive got a Knife

**maguire** · 13-02-2010, 12:15

My wife is dead,
She's turning blue,
I found some lube,
So she'll still do

Roses are crap,
Violets are sh1t,
Sit on my face,
And wriggle a bit.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you don't give me head after I spend Â£60 on a meal that usually costs Â£35 on Sunday.
We're fcuking through.

**wet_blobby** · 13-02-2010, 12:18

"Grab your teddy bear, you've pulled"

**CQMS** · 13-02-2010, 12:23

Why are to talking to her? She should know what to do by now, if she doesn't then you aren't working hard enough.

**GrizzlyPanda** · 13-02-2010, 12:25

Originally Posted by Bolton_Sig

Or how abouts ?

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Get in the Van
Or I'll fucking knife you

Tsk tsk. Fixed it for you :D

**cbgramc** · 13-02-2010, 12:26

My wife sent me a lovely "Get Dead soon" card nice to know she cares.

**The_Snail** · 13-02-2010, 12:34

I love you the best

That's my effort for Valentine's Day.

**ABrighter2006** · 13-02-2010, 13:20

Bless you all.

StickyToffee - I'm touched. Could you use a larger font in future please?
Sluggy - as always - thanks.
Grizzly - Hallmark must be huntin' you down now!

**cbgramc** · 13-02-2010, 13:25

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Iâ€™ve got syphilis
So have you

**eodmatt** · 13-02-2010, 13:28

Money's short
Times is 'ard
Here's yer fu cking
Valentines card

**Commando_Spirit** · 13-02-2010, 13:32

Toilet paper you say???

"I'm just a little Valentine's Card
though better than the rest,
if you put me with the others
you'll see that I am best.

You ca pin me to the headboard,
or suspend me on a string.
Put me on the mantelpiece
'cos I'm good at everything.

And when the day is over
and my job is all but done.
You can take me to the shit house
and wipe me on your bum!"