ARmy Rumour SErvice

Originally Posted by Cuddles

Mmmm...I've just seen an ACI announcing that volunteers are required to form a "Parachute Regiment". Apparently men of pluck, determination and derring-do are required.

"RSM Louthwaite! Adj! In here please; good, now can you immediately arrange for the contents of the Guardroom and all those on long term sick parade to be sent to this new regiment...yes Mr Louthwaite, even Private Thuggington. If the bloody redcap dies they can look for him at where was it...ah yes...Ringway!"

NODUF [if my late father is to believed].

He was RA [Anti-Aircraft] when a call went out for chaps to train in "Fire Control". Seeing this as a sort of "Civil Defence/Fire Fighting" type of thing, a similar clear-out of the Guardroom and 'wasters' resulted in chaps ..... being sent to learn about radar gun-laying.
Not a great success, apparently

By Your Off-shore Correspondent.

1942, and things are looking rather unpleasant now.

1... Organisation Todt has established 'concentration camps' on Alderney, and have evacuated the local population completely. Some 6,000 inmates are employed building more fortifications around the islands. Some are 'volunteer' labour camps, and others are populated by Russian and other European labourers, or by Jews. Imagine - one of the British Isles is now one vast 'concentration camp' full of forced labour.

2. Hitler has now directed that people who were not born in the islands, or had served as officers in The Great War, are to be deported. They have been sent to internments camps in southwest Germany. Apparently this is a reprisal for the internment of German civilians in Persia.

3. All wireless sets have been confiscated again. The Islanders aren't even allowed to listen to German propaganda!

Things are not looking very good at the moment.

A la prochaine.

The War Office,
London,
England

9th June 1940

Dear Sir,

My name is Silas Diffen, I am 61 years old and I live in The Old Miller's Cottage, Mothmulching, which is a village about halfway between Whitstable and Herne Bay. I know you are very busy at the moment, what with getting ready for Jerry to come over and invade and so on. However there is something which I think I ought to tell you about or else I might be remiss in my duty.

The thing is, my cottage is quite a way from Mothmulching, out in Mothmulching woods, and there is an old railway line at the back of my place which hasn't been used for donkey's years. It comes from the London, Chatham and Dover railway line and all the rails are rusty now. Of course I can see that doesn't sound important to you gentlemen but the line finishes up inside a big cave we call the Witch's Arshole, begging your pardon, sirs.

The thing is in 1918 the Army put some equipment away in the cave and blocked the entrance with lots of sandbags and left just a little door to get in with. The officer who did it was a very nice man called Captain Anderson -- I think he came from Chester. He was a proper gent he was. Anyway he asked me if I'd look after what they'd left in the cave and he'd arrange for a allotment to be paid to me through the Mothmulching post office. Which is what I've done all these years, just as I promised the Captain, everything clean, bright and lightly oiled, all shipshape and bristol fashion. Oh, and the money has always arrived on time, no problem at all there, thanks very much.

The thing is though, nobody from the Army has ever been back since and I've wondered sometimes if they've maybe mislaid the paperwork about the Witch's Arshole, begging your pardon again, gents. So, anyway, with Jerry up to his old tricks again and just over the Channel, I thought perhaps I should write and just make sure you gentleman know about the two 14 inch 250 ton railway guns I've got at the bottom of my garden.

The thing is, if you don't want them, could you send us some shells so the Home Guard can have a go with them?

Thanking you in advance

Silas Diffen (Mister)

God Save The King

Re the ACM and the island bases, there was one litle oddity but I don't suppose it matters, he showed me a very comprehensive map of how the RAF were going to do it, but Australia seemed to be in the wrong place. Printer's error I suppose. Wizard scheme according to him.

Originally Posted by CaptainPlume

Captain is a gentlemanly rank.

I always thought it was a 'Lets keep an eye on the bugger' rank.

Then, in a while one is either invited into the room and introduced to the goat, or invited to watch some lumps of concrete near Kings Lynn for the rest of ones career?

Anyway, following demob we shall have lots of talent on our hands here in Britain. I wonder if we could put it to good use? If Britain has talent, best we exploit it? I just cant think how...

Maybe a novelty Tombola?

Handy tip

An old pair of WAAF knickers are perfect to polish the perspex on my FN50 turret. Our crew driver, Poppy, is only too happy to hand them over for the war-effort on request.

I encourage other such patriotic gals to do the same

From fond memory, there is a certain frisson associated with the unbuttoning of a WRAF battle-dress jacket. So rough externally, and yet the contents are so compliant. The harsh exterior slowly gives way to the softer, warmer, inner layers ....


... buggrit, time to go and have another cold shower.


But it is THAT sort of thing that makes us different from the Germans. Possibly.

That's what I'm fighting for!