Sh*tty Army Values and Standards Vids

**Command_doh** · 07-02-2010, 21:01

Does anyone know if there is a public link anywhere to those awfully acted videos on morals and standards? You know, the crap they wheel out on laptops and put on projectors to make sure we are good boys and girls. I distinctly remember the bloke who has a dilema about whether to bone his oppo's missus while the lad is on tour.

Having just watched the one with a punch up in a bar, it brings back memories of some tw@t crashing a rover into another one in Cyprus and not owning up, a recruit stealing anothers' oil bottle from a cleaning kit and something about bullying.

I could do with a good laugh. If they are not in the public domain, then fair do's, but I wanted to show someone how w@nk they were.

**postman_twit** · 07-02-2010, 21:05

Originally Posted by Command_doh

Does anyone know if there is a public link anywhere to those awfully acted videos on morals and standards? You know, the crap they wheel out on laptops and put on projectors to make sure we are good boys and girls. I distinctly remember the bloke who has a dilema about whether to bone his oppo's missus while the lad is on tour.
Having just watched the one with a punch up in a bar, it brings back memories of some tw@t crashing a rover into another one in Cyprus and not owning up, a recruit stealing anothers' oil bottle from a cleaning kit and something about bullying.

I could do with a good laugh. If they are not in the public domain, then fair do's, but I wanted to show someone how w@nk they were.

I think John Terry had that one?

P-T

**GLIDER** · 07-02-2010, 22:15

They may be available on the Defence Learning Portal if you have access to that? I particulary liked the one with the model airplane where the lad (obviously with no moral courage or discipline) crashes his muckas model into the ground haha!

Have you seen the new one with the bloke lurking in the background, he acts like the subconscious of a few squaddies in various situations, i.e guard duty, a night on the town, a night in the unit bar and also one with bailiffs and family. We watched them a few weeks ago and they provided some good laughs.

**hairyhandbag** · 08-02-2010, 00:22

Originally Posted by GLIDER

They may be available on the Defence Learning Portal if you have access to that? I particulary liked the one with the model airplane where the lad (obviously with no moral courage or discipline) crashes his muckas model into the ground haha!

Have you seen the new one with the bloke lurking in the background, he acts like the subconscious of a few squaddies in various situations, i.e guard duty, a night on the town, a night in the unit bar and also one with bailiffs and family. We watched them a few weeks ago and they provided some good laughs.

The Emperor Mong?

**Slightly_Nasty** · 08-02-2010, 00:53

I confess I haven't seen the new vids, but if they're anything like the normal output, I'm sure they're terrible.
I always remember the first training film I ever saw as a recruit, and it was straight out of the 1950s. Everyone was wearing brylcream and the bloke doing the voice-over had the most clipped, upper-class accent you have ever heard, which made it even more hilarious because the room was full of scousers, jocks and geordies, and he was trying to come across like one of us. Imagine Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse doing their Cholmely-Warner impressions, and saying things like: "Nobby Clark was your ordinary bloke; he liked nothing more than a bag of chips and a pint of bitter down at the pub with his mates... etc."

**wedge35** · 08-02-2010, 01:16

The anti-smoking one from the 70s was pure class. Whoever thought that an alien landing and swapping lungs with a chain-smoking squaddie who'd just staggered out of an NBC chamber would make blokes stop and think 'yeah, it is time I cut down' must have been smoking something harder than baccy.

Some of the modern ones are more like comedy than public information as well. The BFBS drinking ad with the pad brat little girl complaining that 'every time Daddy comes home in his funny red suit he makes Mummy cry' and the one with two REME VMs opinioning that a newly posted-in female can 'tighten my nuts any time' are particularly juicy examples.

**Squiggers** · 08-02-2010, 01:20

Christ, I'd love to see these. Obvious that these videos aren't where the defence budget is going at the least. :P

**spaz** · 08-02-2010, 01:25

Originally Posted by wedge35

Some of the modern ones are more like comedy than public information as well. The BFBS drinking ad with the pad brat little girl complaining that 'every time Daddy comes home in his funny red suit he makes Mummy cry' and the one with two REME VMs opinioning that a newly posted-in female can 'tighten my nuts any time' are particularly juicy examples.

Agreed that one is fucking outstanding, I'm just disapointed that we didn't get to see the follow up, with him returning home glassy eyed, puke down the front of his mess dress shirt and snot encrusted onto the stragglers of his 'tache. Stalking the house with an ironing board and rolling pin, collander on his head at a jaunty angle, before braying his other half in front of the blubbing kid and calling her a fenian bitch.

**auscam** · 08-02-2010, 09:04

Alternative versions; Nigella Lawson espousing the importance of personal hygeine? Gordon Brown on integrity in daily life?

**GLIDER** · 09-02-2010, 18:53

Yes, yes, this could be the first sighting of the glorious Emperor Mong!

I would love to see the 1950's style one any links? I know the one about LSD is on Youtube, its the one where the bootneck section commander goes into a fit of giggles and climbs a tree, really funny.

**DarkNinja** · 09-02-2010, 19:08

You can't beat the old law of armed conflict video! making dum dum bullets and leering at the civvie birds!

**Spanny** · 09-02-2010, 19:39

Gawd I'm just reminded of a vid shown to new recruits at Gib barracks . It's that one warning about fires and features a burns survivor who lectures that " I didn't in effect survive that fire " and has pictures of real life charred bodies . Totally shocking

**Muffin_Kicker** · 09-02-2010, 19:42

Originally Posted by DarkNinja

You can't beat the old law of armed conflict video! making dum dum bullets and leering at the civvie birds!

I just wanner kill em Corp!

**instinct** · 09-02-2010, 19:54

Originally Posted by Spanny

Gawd I'm just reminded of a vid shown to new recruits at Gib barracks . It's that one warning about fires and features a burns survivor who lectures that " I didn't in effect survive that fire " and has pictures of real life charred bodies . Totally shocking

With the burning barn with bedford and chap still inside.?