The Smooth B*st*rds Guide to Women Thread

[JesterRIP]

....she told me...crap she reckoned :D

She's not wrong either. I've always been crap at holding doors open for women.

Especially revolving ones.

Revolving women? Spit roasted?

Haha, yeah I was - by his mum and yours. They lied about the size of the strap-ons too

[Taff49]

my old man only ever gave me two bits of advice, the first was never wear diamonds before lunch, and the second was make a lass laugh and your halfway home

[RearWords]

[quote="taboo"]

....she told me...crap she reckoned :D

Who the feck knows what most women want, like, don't like? Not feckin I ! And the moustache? MILFS I frequent don't mind stubble but they tilt at Mr brillo face on their delicate little flesh, even if they're Brazilian downunder and we get wet emery paper , slightly double standards, common to all birds

Hair unless on the head is a no no!!

Over 5ft 9,smells nice,nice hands.Sorted :D

Not even hair on the chest? That's the best bit....and he's got to have hairs on his legs and I still like the hairs that curl down to his belly button. And it wouldn't be the same if he waxed under his arms....but I agree with the moustache and beard a no, no.

[Tremaine]

Read up the thread, have to say work mates reckon a bloke should be around 5, 10 at least, though that would depend on the woman My oppo' at work is a short arrse, bit on the minging side :D but still has a decent good looking g/f. Must be personality there...

Agree on good hands, clean, and a decent fragrance. Only met one or two women where the chemistry and horn factor were redlining, not much chance of a fail, there.

Neck rash, shirt tucked in, mucky hands and brown teeth are apparently, NO SHAG . Confidence, not being "needy" or intense, also work, they say. Relaxed, decent shirt, stylish jeans and good shoes with just a bit of cheek and arrogance have worked. Also; they "love to be loved" told they're great and want loads of attention. Weekends away in a Hotel (not, repeat not a Bedsit B&B that look like a house) , a dinner and lots of activities also work, according to women. Car is a must, though not essential, if you're too good to miss. For the oldies like me, we have to work a bit harder on the stamina and performance , not saying what works for me

[taboo]

Read up the thread, have to say work mates reckon a bloke should be around 5, 10 at least, though that would depend on the woman My oppo' at work is a short arrse, bit on the minging side :D but still has a decent good looking g/f. Must be personality there...

Agree on good hands, clean, and a decent fragrance. Only met one or two women where the chemistry and horn factor were redlining, not much chance of a fail, there.

Neck rash, shirt tucked in, mucky hands and brown teeth are apparently, NO SHAG . Confidence, not being "needy" or intense, also work, they say. Relaxed, decent shirt, stylish jeans and good shoes with just a bit of cheek and arrogance have worked. Also; they "love to be loved" told they're great and want loads of attention. Weekends away in a Hotel (not, repeat not a Bedsit B&B that look like a house) , a dinner and lots of activities also work, according to women. Car is a must, though not essential, if you're too good to miss. For the oldies like me, we have to work a bit harder on the stamina and performance , not saying what works for me

Bloody hell..Are you a woman?Intense very bad,makes you want to run

Tell them they are great,hmmmm not sure on that one.Levi jeans,makes the bum look nice.Also small men look a bit weedy.

Make them laugh.

[Soldier_Girl]

[quote="taboo"]

....she told me...crap she reckoned :D

Who the feck knows what most women want, like, don't like? Not feckin I ! And the moustache? MILFS I frequent don't mind stubble but they tilt at Mr brillo face on their delicate little flesh, even if they're Brazilian downunder and we get wet emery paper , slightly double standards, common to all birds

Hair unless on the head is a no no!!

Over 5ft 9,smells nice,nice hands.Sorted :D

My useless 2p :D ....

I agree with the height ... over 5'9" is a must! Nice hands, clean fingernails, smells nice ... it's all great.
However, I disagree with the hair bit. I quite like a bit of hair on a man, especially a bit of chest and facial hair. Personally, stubble is very appealing ... but it's each to her own, I guess.
And yes, make a girl laugh, and you're halfway there !!!

P.S Moustaches are a big NO!

[Tremaine]

Read up the thread, have to say work mates reckon a bloke should be around 5, 10 at least, though that would depend on the woman My oppo' at work is a short arrse, bit on the minging side :D but still has a decent good looking g/f. Must be personality there...

Agree on good hands, clean, and a decent fragrance. Only met one or two women where the chemistry and horn factor were redlining, not much chance of a fail, there.

Neck rash, shirt tucked in, mucky hands and brown teeth are apparently, NO SHAG . Confidence, not being "needy" or intense, also work, they say. Relaxed, decent shirt, stylish jeans and good shoes with just a bit of cheek and arrogance have worked. Also; they "love to be loved" told they're great and want loads of attention. Weekends away in a Hotel (not, repeat not a Bedsit B&B that look like a house) , a dinner and lots of activities also work, according to women. Car is a must, though not essential, if you're too good to miss. For the oldies like me, we have to work a bit harder on the stamina and performance , not saying what works for me

Bloody hell..Are you a woman?Intense very bad,makes you want to run

Tell them they are great,hmmmm not sure on that one.Levi jeans,makes the bum look nice.Also small men look a bit weedy.

Make them laugh.

Fortunately no female traits I think...I hope...
And guess who had to go the Barbers for a French wotsit haircut coz I "looked like a bogbrush"? Yip, and after £13 and an hour wasted it was pish taking all round. And She never commented, as I recall. Some of 'em go for the work we do, some of 'em for things we'll never feckin understand

[Tremaine]

So we could cobble together the ideal look and type for most birds can we? In your own time Ladies..Some of us are er, gaggin' , possibly on the turn and growing feckin great right arm muscles

Thanks awfuly

[RearWords]

Read up the thread, have to say work mates reckon a bloke should be around 5, 10 at least, though that would depend on the woman My oppo' at work is a short arrse, bit on the minging side :D but still has a decent good looking g/f. Must be personality there...

Agree on good hands, clean, and a decent fragrance. Only met one or two women where the chemistry and horn factor were redlining, not much chance of a fail, there.

Neck rash, shirt tucked in, mucky hands and brown teeth are apparently, NO SHAG . Confidence, not being "needy" or intense, also work, they say. Relaxed, decent shirt, stylish jeans and good shoes with just a bit of cheek and arrogance have worked. Also; they "love to be loved" told they're great and want loads of attention. Weekends away in a Hotel (not, repeat not a Bedsit B&B that look like a house) , a dinner and lots of activities also work, according to women. Car is a must, though not essential, if you're too good to miss. For the oldies like me, we have to work a bit harder on the stamina and performance , not saying what works for me

I like intense....it makes for interesting conversations and sex. For me the guy has to look after his body what he puts in it and how he works out. The ability to challenge me intellectually is a must, aswell as a sense of humour.

Alot of the above Tremaine sounds right though.

[DeltaDog]

DD's top tips:

- Feign confidence if lacking
- Don't try to be nice (young blokes come across too friendly (i.e. gay), old blokes come across as nonces)
- Don't try to be a friend and worm you way in. Some blokes do this, despite decades of rejection. It doesn't work.
- Think about everything you say. If it's wank, keep your mouth shut. Women talk enough for both of you anyway.
- Get your teeth whitened
- Go to the gym regularly
- Open doors, buy drinks, etc. but don't make a fucking show of it
- Clean properly, including earwax, fingernails and cam cream from the back of your neck
- Always wear the same aftershave. Get in her room and lag the place with it. It's your personal brand and she'll think about you next time she does her thing.
- Eat healthy to ensure nice skin
- Get some sun on your skin if it's summer
- Don't get paraletic if you're trying to chat a bird up
- Don't mention the Army. It'll come up at some point and she'll be far more impressed if you haven't spent half the night gobbing off about it.
- Clean your flat/house if you're going to bring her back.
- Pube discipline
- Never mention money. If you're loaded, she'll pick up on it herself. Lack of money is a sign of weakness.
- Wear a new, clean, pressed shirt. Your 'lucky' shirt has yellow patches under the arms.

That ought to cover it for now. More expert advice via PM. £2 a go.