Originally Posted by flieslikeabeagle

got caught short in Paris , at the top of the arc de triumph, bet you didn't know there was a bog there also on the same trip at a cafe on the chanps de liese (whatever) used a unisex loo cause of the trots I had sprayed all over the back of the bog wall . very embarrassed when the chick behind me went to go in Merde or something was said got hold of lady beagle and fecked off sharpish

I reckon they must put something in the water, I had to have a sit down visit there as well. It wasn't as messy as yours though, and it smelt of roses.

Originally Posted by doonhamer

when i was at secondary school i was skiving with some mates in the assembly hall behind the curtains on the stage. We were arrsing around and nicking records from the school disco when i needed a s*** so rather than risk getting caught in the corridors going to the bogs i had a shite under the stage and wiped my arse on a hym book!

And that's how you got on to God's list of those who will be smighted, who's souls shall know no peace, who's skin will sag, who's balls will rot and who's pen1s will turn blue, then green, smell of cheese before falling off. But worse of all....... you will become FRENCH! May God have Mercy on your French soul. :D

Originally Posted by bigbird67

I had a crap on my baby son's head as i was heaving him out! Does that count??

Genius!!!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Shat in a pool table pocket in the fox and hounds in Neveravon at the end of my Milan DC cse.

Originally Posted by bigbird67

I had a crap on my baby son's head as i was heaving him out! Does that count??

Oh. So that's why my mum always called me a sh1t-head.

Originally Posted by durchy

What's a jaffa?

:D :D

Goffs Caye, Belize. A beautiful, but tiny desert island surrounded by crystal blue sea and coral. Forced by my fellow sun worshippers to retire into the sea to do the deed ( I think they were worried that it might have ended up on the barbie) I found it a surprisingly difficult endeavour despite my desperation and it was made even more urgent by the approach of a Belizean family who were curious to know the cause of my concentration. One of the kids nearly snatched up Winston Churchill's cigar as it floated by him

This is nasty, and recent.

I spent Christmas at my brother's place in Brighton. Christmas morning I cooked breakfast then the sister in law went to work at about 10am. My brother went for a shower thus occupying the only dunni in he house. The urge came just a minute or two after he locked the door and it rapidly became a force.
The only solution was to go into the back yard (overlooked on both sides by neighbours), place yesterday's Times on the patio, drop the trousers and give in. F*ck it came out in a surge. I wiped my arrse with the appointments page, rolled the paper up and sealed it in a Tesco's bag.

I then had to dispose of the evidence (couldnt really put it in the bin in the kitchen) but in Brighton it seems that you use a skip-like thing at the end of the street so I had to leg it out and find one.

I wonder what would have happened if the sister in law had not gone to work!

not me, but my boy,who was about two at the time, layed one down in the local homebase, w.c display model !

not me but a mate, we were in a pub near Osnabruck called the Ju 52 one January in the 80's, when he got the urge to make a yule log, and ended up leaving the pub, and crimping one off on a push bike seat that was parked outside, a remarkable dump.