You are developing their 'mental and physical robustness'. One day, DInf will thank you.

Teaching a nephew to tuck his winkle between his legs then getting him to waddle into the kitchen full of festively merry adults whilst saying 'it fell off' repeatedly doesnt go down too well....neither did giving him a glass full of lemonade tinged Rioja, thus making him spew his way to an early night

Originally Posted by Juan_Ramirez_III

Teaching a nephew to tuck his winkle between his legs then getting him to waddle into the kitchen full of festively merry adults whilst saying 'it fell off' repeatedly doesnt go down too well....neither did giving him a glass full of lemonade tinged Rioja, thus making him spew his way to an early night

Teaching a nephew to tuck his winkle between his legs then getting him to waddle into the kitchen full of festively merry adults whilst saying, "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" doesn't go down too well either.

Some people... no sense of humour!

Originally Posted by smartascarrots

Originally Posted by Juan_Ramirez_III

Teaching a nephew to tuck his winkle between his legs then getting him to waddle into the kitchen full of festively merry adults whilst saying 'it fell off' repeatedly doesnt go down too well....neither did giving him a glass full of lemonade tinged Rioja, thus making him spew his way to an early night

Teaching a nephew to tuck his winkle between his legs then getting him to waddle into the kitchen full of festively merry adults whilst saying, "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" doesn't go down too well either.

Some people... no sense of humour!

beautiful
truly beautiful

S_Y_N_T the younger, and far more handsome, is already trained in the art of nicking dregs. His favourites include Riggwelter and OP, he will stomach Holsten Pils and makes a face when supping Stella dregs.

His need to satisfy his alcohol monkey on his back have advanced his movement from just shuffling around the living room at a sedate pace to shuffling across the floor that can easily compete with the dog.

Personally I prefer doing it to toddlers, especially those who aren't related to me. The thrill of the stalk, watching them play on the climbing frame before formulating a plan of attack is satisfying beyond comprehension. I find the best place to get them is the funnel point at the entrance to the playground. I'll wander around occasional calling out "Elisha! Stop doing that!" and other child related crap before focussing on my victim. I usually go for the ones with parents who say "dhhhhharling" a lot or who have a copy of the Guardian under their arms.

I approach carefully, ensuring not to drawn attention to myself until the final butt-clenching moment of triumph. This bit is easy because the little buggers have generally never been wedgied before (I always go for the ones in nappies, you'll understand why soon). Adopting a brisk walk I carefully grab the back of their nappies before pulling with all my might. Generally the nappy comes off easily and I run of giggling while the child stares in shock, but every so often the nappy holds and I end up dancing around the playground with a toddler hanging from their underwear. The police are usually sympathetic.

But every so often I hit the jackpot; a soiled nappy. You can tell instantly because the lubed effect on the nappy allows for a slick removal, resulting in a fountain of liquid excreta flying in all directions. Most of it will return to splatter the toddler, while the rest will splatter friends and family. After these kinds of wedgies I generally have to lick myself clean in the bath.

I often wonder why the local adoption centre continues to refuse my application to adopt.

Whilst nappies are too difficult (and messy) to perform wedgies - Mini-Mysteron was sitting in the back of the car the other day when the present Lady Mysteron said something galatically stupid again.

My response was to make the usual tongue forced under the bottom lip whilst making the "NNNNGGH" noise and then saying "Mong!" loudly.

Mini-Mysteron then rather amusingly kept quiet for about 30 seconds and the said,

"Mummy....."

LM, "Yes"

Mini-Mysteron, "........MONG!!!!" at the top of his lungs.

Cue intense mirth from me and very cold, stony look from the domestic Ayatollah. This continued all the way around the supermarket that we were travelling to!!

The little tyke is the apple of my eye.