View Poll Results: How will you spend Christmas?

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  • Traditionally, at home with family/friends.

    48 48.98%
  • Sh!ters and dribbling like a mong stuck to a window.

    10 10.20%
  • Working away from home.

    4 4.08%
  • On duty.

    2 2.04%
  • On Ops.

    3 3.06%
  • Being the Grinch/Scrooge ... bah fcuking humbug!

    31 31.63%
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  1. #1
    Senior Member k13eod's Avatar
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    Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Tis the season to be merry. Or not.

    8000 miles away from home I have mixed emotions on this year’s Christmas celebrations. What to do I have to ask myself? I could join in with the local celebrations; Christmas Eve carols on Thursday night at the Whale Arch followed by mulled wine and minced pies. Then maybe visit local folk and wish them all the best for the festive season, shaking them vigorously by the hand and shouting “Merry Christmas”. Followed by a quiet Christmas day in the rented house sipping wine and watching TV whilst the turkey slowly cooks in the oven.

    Or perhaps I should remind myself that the drab hovel that I currently abide in is possibly one of the most depressing places on earth and a Turkey plus veg at the West Store is going to set me back half a months dosh. So maybe instead of all that seasonal cheer and good spirit I will just get completely sh!ters until I collapse into a vomit and faeces releasing coma. Or maybe “Tis the season to make myself a Grinch outfit” and sneak out tomorrow night and do untold damage to anything festive.

    What to do? What will you do? Will you be spending it with family and friends or lying in a gutter somewhere? Are you away from home with nothing more to look forward to than a boring day because you’re not allowed to work? Or worse still, with the prospects of yet another dusty day praying that you and your friends make it safe home?

    For me this year is a “bah humbug” special!


    Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best.

    I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself; Im having that.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Fallschirmjager's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Christmas should be about remembering that Jesus died to save us. It should be about giving to those more unfortunate then ourselves.


















    Thank fuck it isn't.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Ravers's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    I am hoping to achieve a subtle combination of the top two and bottom one this year. Usually Christmas is a case of my family and Mrs Ravers family fighting over our presence at their dinner table. This year I have told them all to ram it as I can't be arsed with the hassle. They all have an open invite to pop round to ours for a bit of ham which I am baking, however they will have to put up with the fact that I will be in an advanced state of refreshment by midday and I may have invited my homeless oppo over for drinks.
    One cannot begin to fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.


  4. #4
    Senior Member Cabana's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    I dunno what xmas is all about...bah humbug and all that.....it is all so greedy and comercialised....its a bag of pish. Thats why I am spending xmas in a drabber hovel then k13eod..(it only has 3/4 walls and hairy Polish people shouting all the time next door. Will there be turkey...will there hell. I shall enjoy a wank though.

  5. #5
    Senior Member mick_sterbs's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    as i'm very ex-uniform,
    i'll be doing Family orientated things on the day.

    15 Christmases away whilst i was in, is enough.

    I'll miss having the traditional mug of tea and scotch for breakfast though.

    Merry Christmas to all those unable to do the same as me (or what they'd want to be doing instead).
    "QUO EGO SIC RECTUS"

  6. #6
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Taking the wife and little scruff to Pargue. Driving from JHQ on 23rd so hoping roads are nice and clear.

  7. #7
    Senior Member smartascarrots's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Family time for me. It's my parents' turn to host Chrimbo dinner this year, so all will congregate there for the traditional goose-fest and all the trimmings. Luckily, there's a few decent boozers nearby and the men of the various houses can ERV there once the Queen's speech is over. By that point, the kids will have had just enough trifle and nicked just enough unattended booze to keep the women distracted and therefore save us a fortune in smoke grenades.

    The Jade Dream's taken to Christmas big-style and TBH much as I always plan to be a Grinch her enthusiasm is infectious. It's like having 3 kids in the house sometimes, but at least I don't get any argument about putting The Muppet Christmas Carol on.
    We need people who look to the stars, holding the nation and the world in their hearts but at the same time we need down-to-earth people who can do serious and trying work.

    In a definite sense, a country's power and prestige isn't only a reflection of its economic power but also a reflection of its people's quality and morality. Moreover, I think the latter is actually more important in the long-term.

    http://www.economist.com/blogs/multi...na_has_changed

  8. #8
    Senior Member uk_numpty's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Hope everyone has a good Christmas where ever they may be!

  9. #9
    Senior Member scoobydont's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Humbug.
    I am stuck in a more desolate and depressing hole than K13, and to make it worse it is my home so there is no chance of escape. Thank god the hippo in law isn't coming to stay, that really would suck the fun out of the p1ss up season.
    We have got plenty of youth, what we really need is a fountain of smart.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Murphy_Slaw's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    K13eod

    Get your arrse to the Globe and get totally monged until Jan 3rd.
    I've always thought someone could rig up a beautiful pyro display incorporating the whale arch....















    .....obviously it would have to be someone who was pi$$ed and had a good knowledge of explosives........??????
    Spike Milligan, comedy genius:

    "Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"

    "How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."

    "I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge."

    "I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke."

  11. #11
    Senior Member k13eod's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Murphy_Slaw
    K13eod

    Get your arrse to the Globe and get totally monged until Jan 3rd.
    I've always thought someone could rig up a beautiful pyro display incorporating the whale arch....















    .....obviously it would have to be someone who was pi$$ed and had a good knowledge of explosives........??????
    Only got Friday & Saturday off so can't get monged right through to the 3rd

    Plenty of the bangy stuff though ...


    Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best.

    I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself; Im having that.

  12. #12
    Senior Member RogerOut2's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Carol Singing and Turkey lunch in the Shangri-La Hotel in Abu Dhabi followed by a wee nap. Then a dip in the pool to cool off later.
    Hello all stations this is B21A watch your security ..........

    QUIS SEPARABIT

  13. #13
    Senior Member filthyphil's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    Filthyphil Jnr wants a puppy for Christmas........fcuk him, he's having turkey like every other cnut.

  14. #14
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    I'm nipping to the Salvcation Army for a couple of hours to feed the homeless. Nothing altruistic, it's just if I do that, my mum can't insist on my presence at Sfub Towers on the day of misery, so I can avoid my sister and her horrific offspring without a bollocking from my family, plus I get bonus points for being fluffy. I then get to go home, watch what I want,(festive porn) eat what I want (probably festive beans on toast) and not have to talk to my dull as fcuk football obsessed brother-in-law. Win-win.

  15. #15
    Senior Member eodmatt's Avatar
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    Re: Ding Dong Merrily On High ...

    I am going to Saigon at ridiculous o clock in the morning for a dental appointment at 1130 - Saigon is a 5 hour drive from here. After that I will do a little shopping and in the evening will take Christmas dinner at the Caravelle hotel, which has probably the best (Western) restaurant in Vietnam. On Christmas day I will make the 5 hour drive back here to mosquito city and feast off fish bones, shattered chicken bones and rice. As usual.

    I will however bring a few bottles of Aus red back with me. The LBFM will bring her sister who is a few years older to share a bottle of wine with me. They do interesting things after a drop of wine. Felicitations of the Season!
    3; 2; 1; Firing NOW.........

    3; 2; 1; Firing NOW ........

    FFS Pass me the bloody matches.

    Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes!

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