Nativity Walts

**hammy123** · 10-12-2009, 18:25

Ive just attended my twin daughters nativty today and thought I had better bring it to the attention of fellow arrsers about a group of obvious walts which I outed, there an then - yeh, feckin to right.

1st - I know Jesus is dead so the 4 year old girl (????) who was trying to be Jesus was an obvious walt, busted on the spot when I asked why she was wearing a toon army top and not an old sack cloth and where was her winky. After a few more probing questions around the old testament, creation of the Universe v Briefer History of Time version she fessed up and said she was pretending.

2nd - I also know the wise men and kings are dead, and there were at least 30 of them in the school hall today - again, outed by me after I asked where exactly had they come from... Gateshead wasnt the correct answer. Walts the lot of em. Dont even ask me about the wise man who told me he was first on the stable balcony trying to get a ganders and the boy christ.

3rd - Mary & Joseph have long pegged it so the two who were walting it up were again outed there and then. I asked how he got her up the duff without slipping her the length - basic walt mistake, hadnt done his background and told me it was classified. Well, we all know thats bull dont we.

Finally - my twin girls are most definately not stars. I happen to know that the nearest star is farkin miles away and my two aint it.

Anywone else met nativity walts lately?

On a different note, head teacher told us all that we couldnt take piccies of our little cherubs cos it was against "health and safety" and previously piccies of other kids had appeared on t'internet. When I asked her where this was documented as LEA policy she started monging it up, when I also asked her why it was ok last summer to take piccies during sports days she again monged it up.

BEMUSED to say the least. Took the piccies anyway, once I started, the flood gates opened.

**ExPadBrat** · 10-12-2009, 18:35

My munchkin is an Angel in her nativity play....

As her nickname is Demon she too has been outed as a Walt.

**Hobo-Ken** · 10-12-2009, 18:43

A few Father Christmas Walts out there too. Take a look at your local High St on a Saturday: there'll be about 12 of them.

**_Chimurenga_** · 10-12-2009, 18:45

Originally Posted by hammy123

1st - I know Jesus is dead

He got better.

**vvaannmmaann** · 10-12-2009, 19:04

Will you be posting the piccies on here? Please?

**buttonsin3s** · 10-12-2009, 19:08

Originally Posted by vvaannmmaann

Will you be posting the piccies on here? Please?

Make sure you get all the bling in the 'photo, plus if they are wearing SAS/Para Regt beret all the better, we can have thousands of threads about them and POL the outrage bus (I've noticed it's been sitting idle for a few seconds) :D

**Night_Turn** · 10-12-2009, 19:21

I was outraged. At the one I went to there were Walts everywhere. There was one bloke who had far to many gongs on , I sussed him out straight away. Can you believe he was wearing a West Bank campaign medal minus clasp Bethlehem(usual walt mistake), a frankinsence cross for gallantry, which if Im correct was'nt issued until atleast 110 AD. He also had a 2000th anniversary bling gong that looked like he had bought out of the back of Nativity mag and some other foreign tat that he had got of ebay,along with his incorrectly shaped shepherds crook.
When are the organisers of these events going to start checking people out. I'm thinking about letting some lazy journo know about this so we can launch at national campaign to out this walt

**vvaannmmaann** · 10-12-2009, 19:23

Originally Posted by Night_Turn

I was outraged. At the one I went to there were Walts everywhere. There was one bloke who had far to many gongs on , I sussed him out straight away. Can you believe he was wearing a West Bank campaign medal minus clasp Bethlehem(usual walt mistake), a frankinsence cross for gallantry, which if Im correct was'nt issued until atleast 110 AD. He also had a 2000th anniversary bling gong that looked like he had bought out of the back of Nativity mag and some other foreign tat that he had got of ebay,along with his incorrectly shaped shepherds crook.
When are the organisers of these events going to start checking people out. I'm thinking about letting some lazy journo know about this so we can launch at national campaign to out this walt

Got any piccies?

**wedge_cadman** · 10-12-2009, 19:24

That Santa Walt was spotted in the market place today. He was given away by the false antlers resting upon the heads of shetland ponies who were obviously walting as reindeer..

outed the lot of them

**uk_numpty** · 10-12-2009, 19:25

Have you only just realised that that Christmas period is Walt open season?

**Night_Turn** · 10-12-2009, 19:29

Originally Posted by vvaannmmaann

Originally Posted by Night_Turn

I was outraged. At the one I went to there were Walts everywhere. There was one bloke who had far to many gongs on , I sussed him out straight away. Can you believe he was wearing a West Bank campaign medal minus clasp Bethlehem(usual walt mistake), a frankinsence cross for gallantry, which if Im correct was'nt issued until atleast 110 AD. He also had a 2000th anniversary bling gong that looked like he had bought out of the back of Nativity mag and some other foreign tat that he had got of ebay,along with his incorrectly shaped shepherds crook.
When are the organisers of these events going to start checking people out. I'm thinking about letting some lazy journo know about this so we can launch at national campaign to out this walt

Got any piccies?

Bugger!. I've been outed as being a navity walt spotting walt. erm no I hav'nt , cameras were banned , something to do with the official secrets act , I think

**buttonsin3s** · 10-12-2009, 19:30

Originally Posted by Night_Turn

I was outraged. At the one I went to there were Walts everywhere. There was one bloke who had far to many gongs on , I sussed him out straight away. Can you believe he was wearing a West Bank campaign medal minus clasp Bethlehem(usual walt mistake), a frankinsence cross for gallantry, which if Im correct was'nt issued until atleast 110 AD. He also had a 2000th anniversary bling gong that looked like he had bought out of the back of Nativity mag and some other foreign tat that he had got of ebay,along with his incorrectly shaped shepherds crook.
When are the organisers of these events going to start checking people out. I'm thinking about letting some lazy journo know about this so we can launch at national campaign to out this walt

Yea, well once you've been a streetliner at The Crucifiction you notice them all the time. "Pontius Pilate was my boss in the head shed" is quite common, as is "Me and Jesus, we were bezzars, all that water he made into wine, we drunk the lot, but he swamped and had a map of Africa down the front of his robes." What can you say ? I make my excuses and leave.

**Monty417** · 10-12-2009, 19:39

Chav Nativity
There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He
does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like 'Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no
Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz
is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon
I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna
get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn
Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To
have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter
into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.
Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their
'eads. They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from
the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to
kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You
better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm
goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So
they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's
safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

**Reversionary_Modes** · 10-12-2009, 19:54

Originally Posted by _Chimurenga_

Originally Posted by hammy123

1st - I know Jesus is dead

He got better.

**Squiggers** · 10-12-2009, 20:08

Originally Posted by Monty417

Chav Nativity
There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He
does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like 'Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no
Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz
is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon
I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna
get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn
Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To
have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter
into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.
Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their
'eads. They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from
the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to
kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You
better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm
goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So
they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's
safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

Genius! :D