Useful

**RangeStew** · 07-08-2009, 21:22

Originally Posted by Legs

Office Title, rank and name.

That would be: Coffee Maker, Lance Private and Pyle. :WINK:

**Recce19** · 07-08-2009, 21:25

As someone comes to my front door, as I am closing it to leave for the bus, "are you on your way out?" WTF

**Arte_et_Marte** · 07-08-2009, 21:28

Originally Posted by Pmason

Then you get a nice healthy greeney instead of cheese

Probably. But I can cope with that :P

**Trevor_H** · 07-08-2009, 21:40

Originally Posted by Sixty

Today: returned to my office, sat down, opened the lovely ciabatta with jarlsberg and parma ham that I'd bought and took one bite.

Head pops round the door and clocks me eating and sipping my tea and issues the mongish " Oh, are you on lunch?"

I work on an Help Desk, similar situation happens regularly, lunch just short of mouth, up comes pushy user, not a question but equally bone "I don't mean to disturb your lunch but.."

Well feckin' don't then!

**Joe_Private** · 07-08-2009, 21:48

Originally Posted by Drivers_log

Originally Posted by PrinceAlbert

No...really?!?! Is it??!!

Yesterday in the pub, the slow Norris of the bar world eventually rocked up to my table with the food that I'd ordered and pipes up with...

"would you like some cutlery?" WTF?!! What do you think?? I left my racing spoon in my other jacket today, and don't really fancy using my fingers for steak and ale pie. OF course I'd like some cutlery!!

Not 20 mins ago, I was putting some fuel in my car, and the price came to Â£20.07. I walk in, and the bloke behind the counter says.....wait for it.....the quicker ones amongst you will know what's coming.

"do you have the 7p?" Now.....as much as like to have my trousers being pulled down by 3.4 kilos of shrapnel do you not think that I'd offer up the 7p if I had it on me?? Now, some of you would say why don't you have some spare coins in your car? The answer is that I hate the clinking, and wooshing around they do when I'm trying to impersonate which ever rally driver happens to be alive this week.

Is it "askafcukingstupidquestion week?" Please tell me it is.

You obviously fill your car like a decrepit old woman.
I bung in a score... on the nose... no-one asks me for the odd 7p.

Twenty quid? Are you two the ones who believe that it is more economical to only half-fill your tank due to the massive extra weight that extra 20l of fuel would bring whilst ignoring the extra fuel used to visit the petrol station twice as often as necessary?

**JONCAL** · 07-08-2009, 22:29

Originally Posted by Joe_Private

Originally Posted by Drivers_log

Originally Posted by PrinceAlbert

No...really?!?! Is it??!!

Yesterday in the pub, the slow Norris of the bar world eventually rocked up to my table with the food that I'd ordered and pipes up with...

"would you like some cutlery?" WTF?!! What do you think?? I left my racing spoon in my other jacket today, and don't really fancy using my fingers for steak and ale pie. OF course I'd like some cutlery!!

Not 20 mins ago, I was putting some fuel in my car, and the price came to Â£20.07. I walk in, and the bloke behind the counter says.....wait for it.....the quicker ones amongst you will know what's coming.

"do you have the 7p?" Now.....as much as like to have my trousers being pulled down by 3.4 kilos of shrapnel do you not think that I'd offer up the 7p if I had it on me?? Now, some of you would say why don't you have some spare coins in your car? The answer is that I hate the clinking, and wooshing around they do when I'm trying to impersonate which ever rally driver happens to be alive this week.

Is it "askafcukingstupidquestion week?" Please tell me it is.

You obviously fill your car like a decrepit old woman.
I bung in a score... on the nose... no-one asks me for the odd 7p.

Twenty quid? Are you two the ones who believe that it is more economical to only half-fill your tank due to the massive extra weight that extra 20l of fuel would bring whilst ignoring the extra fuel used to visit the petrol station twice as often as necessary?

Not if its on route

**cow741** · 07-08-2009, 22:34

Originally Posted by blind_monkey

Ask the Padre "why do church steeples have lightening arrestors on them if lightening is considered an act of God?".

Takes a while but eventually the fuses blow.

thats fcukin brilliant

**Joe_Private** · 07-08-2009, 22:46

Originally Posted by JONCAL

Originally Posted by Joe_Private

Originally Posted by Drivers_log

Originally Posted by PrinceAlbert

No...really?!?! Is it??!!

Yesterday in the pub, the slow Norris of the bar world eventually rocked up to my table with the food that I'd ordered and pipes up with...

"would you like some cutlery?" WTF?!! What do you think?? I left my racing spoon in my other jacket today, and don't really fancy using my fingers for steak and ale pie. OF course I'd like some cutlery!!

Not 20 mins ago, I was putting some fuel in my car, and the price came to Â£20.07. I walk in, and the bloke behind the counter says.....wait for it.....the quicker ones amongst you will know what's coming.

"do you have the 7p?" Now.....as much as like to have my trousers being pulled down by 3.4 kilos of shrapnel do you not think that I'd offer up the 7p if I had it on me?? Now, some of you would say why don't you have some spare coins in your car? The answer is that I hate the clinking, and wooshing around they do when I'm trying to impersonate which ever rally driver happens to be alive this week.

Is it "askafcukingstupidquestion week?" Please tell me it is.

You obviously fill your car like a decrepit old woman.
I bung in a score... on the nose... no-one asks me for the odd 7p.

Twenty quid? Are you two the ones who believe that it is more economical to only half-fill your tank due to the massive extra weight that extra 20l of fuel would bring whilst ignoring the extra fuel used to visit the petrol station twice as often as necessary?

Not if its on route

1. Oh! There's more than two of you.
2. en-route
3. Starting and stopping use fuel, as do speeding up and braking.

**Closet_Jibber** · 07-08-2009, 22:51

Originally Posted by bossyboots

Entering the house this morning wet through with the rain and shaking brolly....

'Oh, is it raining?' Asks idiot OH.

I managed to cut my arm open on a door frame last week (Only I can achieve such acts of mongery). I wen't into the changing room in work and started running it under a tap.

Enter stage left some fcuking clown who sees my blood on the floor of the corridor, then the room we're stood in, then in the sink, on my shirt and pouring out of my arm.

Mong - "Have you cut yourself?"

Me - "No You fcuking retard. I've just sacrificed a lamb and brought its heart into the locker room in order to wash it with swarfega. Fcuk wit!" (in my head ofcourse :D )