Useful

**hogspawn** · 19-07-2009, 22:24

Originally Posted by Bits

Originally Posted by Schaden

One is reminded of the old saying "Behind every very attractive woman there's some poor bloke who's had enough of her s***"

Correct and succinct. For purposes of anyone who needs a list, the following are perfectly well established reasons to ditch a looker. Feel free to add more.

I know you've got lots of sexy underwear, but you always wear cotton.
Stockings are something children use at Christmas.
You tidy my stuff away and I can never find anything.
My desk is not the place for your make-up/nail file/talcum powder/clubcard vouchers.
My razor lives on the sink, not in the cupboard.
Three hundred cushions and a rug the size of an african country are not necessary to make the sofa more comfortable.
You talk to me when I'm reading/working/watching TV.
You "it's fine" when it obviously * isn't.
You won't talk to me when I invite you to.
You whinge that I never listen to you.
You whinge at me when I work late.
I work late to avoid an evening of having you whinging at me.
You insist I come shopping with you, then spend six hours inspecting every item of clothing in the centre between a size 6 and size 16, before buying three t-shirts.
You refuse to listen to my music in the car.
You whinge when we get home that I still haven't cut the grass.
I am forced to listen to your music in the house.
You lock me out of the house when I go on the piss and don't tell you where I am.
You borrowed my car without permission (I know because the seat was all the way forward).
You borrowed my car and scuffed the rims parking like a spaccer.
You borrowed my car and dented the doors.
You borrowed my car and reversed it into something.
You borrowed my car and didn't refuel it.
Nomatter how many times I show you, you still can't get to grips with checking the oil.
I couldn't give a s*** what your mum thinks.
You don't put out.
You don't swallow.
You don't take it up the ricker, not even a cheeky finger.
You don't offer alternative means when you are 'on'.
In fact, * it, I don't fancy you anyway.
Your mate is fitter.
Your mate is flirtier.
Your mate is dirtier.
You bore me because you are dull. Now * off.

Feel free to add more reasons. :(

You used to take it up the clack but now say 'well I dont anymore ok'

quality post

**auscam** · 20-07-2009, 04:05

Originally Posted by Bits

Originally Posted by auscam

You're all bitter and twisted. You're also right. And you can't be MDN because I am.

You might be right about the bitter and twisted bit. But you can't possibly have posted 430 times in 48 hours?

No, I'm Spartacus...I mean MDN.

Easy. You see, my left hand is MDN, my right hand is Chubb, and I'm sitting on Broken Arrow. The rest just happens.

**auscam** · 20-07-2009, 04:09

Originally Posted by Bits

Originally Posted by Markintime

Perhaps she really looks like this?

Where the fcuk did she get those knickers? It looks like she's strapped a therm-a-rest between her legs using a bicycle chain.

She could be wearing the whole bike, for all we know. It's not as though you'd be able to tell the difference.

Nursey brings my dinner in four hours' time; I may have recovered my appetite by then (heave)

**auscam** · 20-07-2009, 04:10

Originally Posted by flamingo

Originally Posted by Bits

Where the fcuk did she get those knickers? It looks like she's strapped a therm-a-rest between her legs using a bicycle chain.

Well done - you have just won this weeks "Name an everyday item photographed from an unusual angle" competition. First prize is a trip over Niagara Falls in a barrel!

A burning one, full of rabid wolverines.

**sebcoe** · 20-07-2009, 05:48

Originally Posted by Biped

Originally Posted by Auld-Yin

All depends if the babe is putting out or not. If she is withholding her 'favours' - then goodbye Vienna, hello munter.

Older and wiser than me, and quicker on the keyboard too! :D

Having had quite a significant number of the broader-girthed ladies, I can heartily attest to the fact that they cooker bigger dinners, and worker harder at getting a man to be happy, much, much harder.

Much agreed with both statements, especially big girls do try harder in bed, most babes I have shagged have been crap in the sack and more worried about "fcuk me hair do's and smudged make up than "the nasty"

thats why its good to have a babe to take out (public) and a munter to satisfy your twisted needs

but don't let them find out about each other...lol

**old_fat_and_hairy** · 20-07-2009, 07:24

What's a munter?

**CountryGal** · 20-07-2009, 07:25

Originally Posted by old_fat_and_hairy

What's a munter?

A slightly less than perfect women apparantly ;o)

**Father_Famine** · 20-07-2009, 07:38

Originally Posted by Alsacien

Originally Posted by labrat

Munters try harder in bed - proven scientific fact...

Attractive girls think that they've already got everything a bloke could want, so don't put the effort in!

Less attractive birds do filthy perverted things that would make your mother blush!

What filthy perverted things do you say to your mother? Is she ok with "reasonably" perverted things?

FFS my mother blushes if someone swears or gets a kissed longer than 5 seconds on telly - in fact I am amazed I was even born

So was I, I thought she'd swallowed it!