Originally Posted by reni_77

Or it is in fact a safe assumption that you will continue to grind your teeth and clench your fists while standing in an unlit room as 'Points of View' is on in the background, glaring out from behind your tobacco stained nets, watching, as the very thing that you invariably once were, is now the very thing that you hate ! :D

Dear Anne,

Why oh why......



Nah, naive assumption.

I was never a student. I was put through a slightly harder school.

But perhaps there is some latent jealousy at play here; they are young, outwardly carefree and getting pished most nights.

I'll just have to be additionally vindictive to compensate for my inadequacies....

Originally Posted by Barrack Room Lawyer

Originally Posted by reni_77

Join em, get your whinging derriere round there with a crate of aunty, a bottle of JD and your friendly head on.
You never know you might end up waking up under a pile of coats with a 1st year's battered fanny resting on your thigh

Best advice yet, had the same sort of problem myself when we moved into our house a couple of years back, Had a word with a couple of the lads when I saw them in their garden, if they have a piss up now (which isnt as much now they are not "freshers" any more), they invite us and the music is turned down by by midnight.

There are some very funny solutions on here but as already stated, in will only end in a conviction for you if you get caught!

And if you play your cards right you can learn a new instrument, can guarantee one of the greasy stoners plays a mean guitar....

I think you are clearly overlooking the only solution.... Kill them & bury thier bodies under their patio. You get rid of them & some new neighbours who might be fit female students that like to sun bathe in next to no clothes.

Yes, it's gonna be physically demanding, but the potential reward is worth it & if you don't get the nieghbours you want can always repeat the process!

Aside from variou "leave sardine tins bricked up in their porch/behind drywall " sort of things, I've also done a few others.Tyre cutting(repeated) is a good one, as it has intimations of violence associated with the knife. Make sure you cut the side-walls as they cannot be repaired. Also, in the vein of auto-destruction, I have always liked the "eat-a pound-of -asparagus, -a -litre -of -sh!t-beer-and-piss-on -their seats" thing .The stench is UNBELIEVABLE. This can also be done on their porch-sofa (..students, right?) or masonry after a hot dry period when the bricks will be very absorbant. This will keep them off the porch, anyways. Repeat as necessary
Watch out for CCTV cams, too

Don't forget Jehova Witnesses. and Mormons. Find out the first name of one of the cnuts and call up said whackjobs, saying you need to talk about God, and give the address. Alternately, print up some NF/BNP type hate posters, (prefferably using words such as "n!gger and Paki filth" with the cnuts address on it as a return addy, post all over the nearest uni campus, and ethnic areas and watch the student Pinko nutjobs come around and demonstrate/vandalise the cnuts in questions' house, the filth come around making hatecrime noises, as well as ethnic gangstertrash beat the shit out of the poor barstwards. If you dont want them hurt physically, limit your postering to campus. Hope this helps

Applause!, Applause! :D :D :D (Redcoat Greenjacket)

Have you considered asking them politely to keep the noise down?

Simples.

Collect group of reprobate squaddie pi$$heads. The more depraved the better.

Attend party with alcoholic beverages of your own, and point out you are neighbours.

Feed reprobate mates beer. Tell problem child how you love parties, and every time you hear their music you will come to join them.

Watch as squaddies very gradually hand grenade and teach problem child and his friends what getting really, really drunk is all about(punches in head, breaking house, stealing their women being a minimum).

Tell him how much you are all looking forward to coming to the next party.

Repeat as necessary.

Encourage a drug dealer to move in on the other side of them. They don't like people who bring the cop's attention to the neighbourhood and are likely to be far more effective than you can be. You'll also be sure that you'll never have your house broken into or a hundred other nuisance things that can pee you off. They're really aren't nice people but they keep the street trouble free.

Originally Posted by RedcoatGreenjacket

If they have a car, blend up a couple of cans of Tuna or even cat food and insert into vehicle, especially air intakes or open windows, with weather like this the stench will last forever, whether they clean it or not. Cut off the tyre valves in two opposite corners. Alternatively drill a tiny tiny hole into wheel rim whch makes the tyre deflate after about three days. No matter how many times they take the wheel to the garage no obvious puncture will found but i suspect that the tyre people know what has happened and think that you must be **** for some reason and will be happy to repeatedly take their money.
As someone has mentioned on here before why not drive a needle/pin into their Sky /Vrigin cable.
Fill their exhaust pipe with expanding foam, get a beer can, fill it with brake fluid or paintstripper put a tiny pin sized hole in the base about five CM from the bottom, cover with electrical tape and the ring pull hole, walk past car at last light remove tape if you require immediate effect or leave tape to dissolve, gently place on roof, walk away.
Place six inch nails against tyres in each direction forward or reverse motion punctures all four tyres which will take about a day to remove and repair, back to the tyre man who will by now know something is up.
3 am superglue and tape doorbell, intercept their mail and open a bank account or milk round account in their name.
Order pizza,Chinese, indian etc on Saturday night to arrive at the same time.
Place a scaffold board against their front door, when they open it smack, broken face.Paint their windows with gloss paint so they cannot see out when they wake up and or pour it on their roof tiles, choose your colours wisely.
Get their telephone number and print up some Taxi ads, place near pubs clubs and state half price after midnight.
Superglue all door locks wiper blades open garden taps and glue.
Collect up all your friends unused sun tan lotion mix together into garden sprayer write rude words into grass or use weed killer.
Scotch brite their double glazed glass or car windows alternatively use sandpaper.
Plug garden gate lock into car battery, wire co2 fire exhtinguisher into letter box when you open the door..........
Fill car exhaust pipe with fullers earth, makes your car look like it's on fire, fill exhaust with fireworks which will ignite at right temperature.
When they go on holiday stuff fish into letter box and wedge open with rolled newspaper, stuff a magazine into their toaster and stand back, open main if you are really angry.

Just a start.

RCGJ

God, you are good!! I am seriously impressed by your style